Parent driving

[ThrillsAndSpills2025]

It's more WWYD. What have others done, when a parent really shouldn't be behind the wheel? Late 70s if that is relevant and it's getting worse. Complete mental faculties but deteriorating driving.

I won't give the billions of instances. I don't currently drive (medical, not a ban), and I am consequently generously given many lifts. I am a good driver myself. So I have witnessed as a passenger many examples. I don't think anyone else that would notice is ever a regular passenger otherwise.

A huge improvement would be made with a switch from manual to automatic, which is promised, but I don't think it will resolve other poor habits.

Driving provides huge amounts of independence and the ability to visit other family a fair distance away, which is a PITA on public transport.

I ought really to decline the kind lifts, of course, and I recognise I'm being a bit of a hypocrite. But that doesn't address overall the driving itself and in a way it's actually a good thing to be aware of the reality in person. Some recent things have been actively dangerous, not just annoying.

I've tried to iterate Highway Code regarding lane discipline, say. It's also possible that poor driving is exacerbated because of the knowledge I'm critical.

Any suggestions or how others have addressed this would be terrific...!

I WISH there was a mandatory driving test every 2 years or something after 70

Thanks!

I’m lucky that my father accepted he was declining and my mother took over- firmly and she certainly would have told him the truth if he had argued. Luckily I think he had noticed it- he’d had a scare pulling out and got beeped (rightly) which frightened him. My mum has asked us to tell her if we notice her becoming dangerous.

It must be really hard if parents are ignoring it, or worse if they just don’t care. There have been some horrible cases in the news where an elderly person has mistaken the accelerator for brake etc and there’s been a fatality. Could you let the dvla know? Or plan ahead for when it’s a reality- start trying to find a local taxi service etc.

Also, the change from manual to automatic might not help as much as you think as it will learning a whole new car and way of doing things. It certainly sounds like they don’t have much time left behind the wheel and possibly you might need to be a bit blunter? Are they usually receptive or would they take it as an attack?

Thanks for replying. She seems to think I'm over critical (I am a fairly detail focused person and poor driving generally angers me) and like I say I'm pretty much her only passenger so my sister hasn't seen it.

I have had the response "well, why aren't you driving then" although she isn't fully aware of my medical details preventing it.

She thinks her driving is a foible. I might just need to be blunt but not being able to drive will contract her world significantly and drive (no pun intended) home aging, I guess. I wish I had some backup from someone else.

She drove on a right hand turn last week into a dual carriageway with a central reservation, to the wrong side of the central reservation. The cars were stationary as it was traffic lights but I don't see that as positive. I was in the car, it was pretty nervous making and she couldn't do a zippy reverse and correct which would at least help.

Clutch control and gear changes are issues which would be addressed with an automatic but you're quite right, a whole new car by itself might be an unhelpful change.

Switching from a manual to an automatic car in later life tends to increase accident frequency, especially when the brake and accelerator get muddled.

Would she accept a refresher driving lesson/ assessment? An independent view of her capabilities might help

My DM was always a bit of a nervous driver, so she was quite easily persuaded to stop driving and sell her car when it was clear she shouldn't be driving any more (aged about 84). We set up an account with a friendly local taxi firm who she could ring when she needed transport, and that worked well. She lives in a medium sized town and is still very mobile so doesn't need a car on a daily basis.

On the other hand, my DP's elderly Aunt (aged about 87) was severely visually impaired but refused to give up driving, so he reported her to the DVLA, it was investigated, and her license was taken away. You can do this online, but only as a family member I believe.

It sounds like they really shouldn't be driving and only a matter of time before she injures someone or worse. A good friend of ours was knocked off his bike on a roundabout by an elderly driver, who admitted he just hadn't seen him! Our friend was quite badly injured and took several months to fully recover. The driver voluntarily gave up his license after that, and was devastated by the incident. I'm sure you don't want your parent to get to that point.