sibling ringing out of the blue

[bemusedsibling]

i am no contact with some of my siblings. and low contact with one. last i heard from the low contact one was christmas eve when she sent some mundane message on whats app. I replied politely and asked how everyone was with no response?

today out of the blue she sends a message saying; are you at work? my reply was; no, whats up? (i know she only contacts me when she needs or wants something thats why i have gone low contact).

so the she rings me, which she never does to inform me that my sibling who i have not seen, heard or spoken too in over 15 years has been in hospital since before christmas, and that she's been put on pallative care! she's sobbing down the phone to me that she may have hours, days, weeks or months to live.

she says it would be nice if i went to my sisters bedside to say my goodbyes? AIBU by at the moment having no emotional feelings about this news? this person chose to dump me out of their lives 15 years ago? they themselves have not asked for me, but its assumed i will do my 'duty' and go sit at her bedside?

thank you, i am not in shock. my lc sibling kept me upto date on nc siblings health, she enjoyed letting me know she had a relationship with poorly sibling and i didn't. nc sibling has been very unwell for some time now and been in and out of hospital several times over the last year, so it was kind of expected..

YANBU OP. Only you really know the issues involved here and how you feel. Your sibling who’s encouraging contact won’t necessarily know the full picture

I felt nothing when my dad died, although I did grieve what I should have had in a parent and his death brought up those emotions.

But actually about him? No sadness at all.

You aren't heartless and I wouldn't go to the hospital. You went NC for a reason and I think protecting yourself even if just from wider family is important.

Sorry for presuming. I imagine you know best what to do.

im going to send a note to my BIL, offer kind words and pass on my mobile number and if he wants to get in touch he can.

That sounds like a good idea, OP.

Only you can decide if you can live with the decision if you don't go. If you feel it wouldn't be right for you to go then don't go.

Is it that your low-contact sister wants you to go and visit your other sister but with her being present as well so that she can witness the drama?

The only person you have to make peace with is yourself. ❤️

I can imagine that her DH has only been given her side of the story, so probably has a dim view of you anyway. I can’t imagine you’d be very welcome. (Whether or not the story is true, it will be seen as too little, too late and you will be scapegoated regardless of what you choose to do.)

Sounds like a quite ok situation.

The LC sibling gave you the information (and shared her preference for you to go and visit), now you have a choice.

I'm not sure about half-arsed contacting the BIL. It isn't wrong as such and it can be practical, just the idea that you kind of expect him to ask you to visit sounds weird, just decide for yourself and either go or don't go.

I would choose based on logistics - if it wasn't too far away, I would go there, bring something small and use it as a step on the way to closure for everyone. If it was too far away or the scars would be too deep, I wouldn't.

No one can tell you if you're being unreasonable or not. I've known people have a deathbed reconciliation and it made them feel better and others not have it and they were happy with that decision. Others haven't and regretted it. Every circumstance is different so no one can tell you what is best for your family.

My sister passed away this morning, i did not go see her, i am at peace with it. at the moment i feel very little, i feel something, but i am not sure what the emotion is i am feeling.

I am happy for my sister that she is finally at peace and out of pain.

Your feelings are what they should be. I’m sorry for the loss of your sister so very long ago. ❤️