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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with husband, who is in the wrong?

27 replies

Needopinion3 · 02/02/2025 15:35

My husband went to a nearby city to meet up with his friend. Both are business owners and do work for each other.
Friend had 4 tickets to an event (so he gave one to my husband and two to another company he does work for, two woman neither men knew. They met up with the women prior to the event for drinks, went to the event (something which is for fun not business related) and went for drinks after.
I had said previously I feel he doesnt spend quality time with me and would like us to go on dates like we used too. I feel like he went on a double date, he said it is normal in ‘corporate’ and I’m crazy.
Am I crazy? Or would you also have an issue with this?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 02/02/2025 15:37

As a one off or occasional situation I don't see the issue.

If he does this all the time and you get no time together then that's different.

Bbomb · 02/02/2025 15:38

I don't think you're crazy for having feelings.

It wouldn't bother me personally but it's not nice of him calling you crazy about it.

jeaux90 · 02/02/2025 15:39

I mean I'm a female in the tech business and have been hosted by male suppliers at the rugby. If it's that kind of scenario then I don't see the issue.

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 02/02/2025 15:39

The tickets allocations weren’t chosen by your husband. He had no control over who went. Did you want him to pass up the event because the two other people happened to be females. I very much doubt there was a date dynamic about the meeting. And yes, this is very common in corporate circles and other circles too.

Kindly, look into how you’re feeling about yourself and the state of your relationship as your overreaction indicates bigger issues beneath this.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 02/02/2025 15:40

If he took you out more would you have had an issue with him going out with these women?

Wolfpa · 02/02/2025 15:40

That is a normal thing to do in corporate situations, you are unreasonable calling it a double date but it sounds as if you are not getting enough attention and would like to do something similar. Why don’t you organise something for the both of you?

I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 02/02/2025 15:41

IMO the issue is not the event or the other women who attended it. It's the fact that you feel your husband is not spending enough quality time with you. Have you told him how you feel and could you take the initiative and set regular 'date' times each week / month that you both agree to commit to? Could he organise every other date and make it a surprise for you? If he rejects this, then you've got bigger problems - but they're not to do with a corporate event.

StormingNorman · 02/02/2025 15:41

It Is normal corporate behaviour to strengthen professional relationships and secure/protect contracts. Corporate hospitality rarely happens in a professional setting such as an office.

Octavia64 · 02/02/2025 15:41

Your husband was invited on a corporate jolly by his friend who he knows through work.

The person who had the tickets invited some other work people he wanted to be nice to.

I don't see how this was in any way a double date.

My ExH used to get tickets to corporate entertaining stuff and occasionally I went along if people had dropped out.

The point is to build business relationships and sell people stuff.

MounjaroNewb · 02/02/2025 15:42

I'm with you OP. I would not be happy with my husband doing this

SALaw · 02/02/2025 15:44

I regularly go to events with male business colleagues. If I didn't then I'd never progress in my industry. It would be awful if men could only entertain men and women could only entertain women.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 02/02/2025 15:45

jeaux90 · 02/02/2025 15:37

As a one off or occasional situation I don't see the issue.

If he does this all the time and you get no time together then that's different.

I agree with this.

It would have been kinder for him to say ‘but let’s arrange something for us too’ and actually arrange it himself (after agreeing a time and date and activity with you).

Spurber · 02/02/2025 15:47

This is perfectly normal

Irvinesv · 02/02/2025 15:47

Him doing this and you not doing things as a couple are separate issues.

jacks11 · 02/02/2025 15:49

i think you probably are being unreasonable about the event. Although it depends if these women that were invited were business contacts of some kind (possibly a networking or introductory thing) even though they were not well known to either your DH or his friend? or was it a date for his friend, who brought a friend along and so your DH was invited to make up numbers? I think the latter is a little off. The former is sometimes something that helps with networking, even if it is not a directly work related event, and would not be an issue for me.

If you feel he does not make enough time for that seems to me, on the face of it, to be a separate issue from attending this event with his friend/business contact.

To me, whether YABU totally depends on whether these women were there in some sort of business/professional capacity (even though it was a leisure event) or whether it was some sort of social meet up with absolutely no cross over with business. And then, what the nature of the social event- your DH going out with a friend on a date is odd.

JudgeBread · 02/02/2025 15:52

I think it's unfair to call it a double date, if the behaviour was happening in a vacuum it's totally normal in corporate settings to go to events and socialise over drinks, I've done it with several male colleagues and it's never been a date (nor has my husband ever been insecure enough in our relationship to have an issue with it)

And that's the crux of the issue isn't it? It's not that he did it, but that you're feeling insecure in the relationship because he's not spending any quality time with you. Address that, without bringing up the "double date" at all, because that's a non starter as he's quite right that it's normal.

Whaleandsnail6 · 02/02/2025 15:57

Yabu about this occasion...the tickets were his friends to give away and his friend chose who to give them to and they decided to make more of an event of it. I dont see anything wrong with that

Yanbu that you dont spend quality time together and he should prioritise doing this when you both get the chance

jannier · 02/02/2025 16:35

So you think he was lying and it wasn't out of his control

Soontobe60 · 02/02/2025 16:37

Have you thought about buying tickets to an event, booking a restaurant then inviting your DH if you want to spend time with him?

Phodie · 02/02/2025 19:45

He didn't go on a date, you're comparing a networking evening to a date. Would it have been OK if they were all men?

toomuchfaff · 02/02/2025 19:58

I feel like he went on a double date,

This is the YABVU

I've been on multiple events with work, and males are in attendance, even when these things are 4 people, of the opposite sex, its not a double date. If its work related, your husband didn't orchestrate who got the tickets.

PotaytoPotahhto · 02/02/2025 20:01

Yes YABU.

His work networking event was not a double date. Really immature way to look at it.

You and him not going out has nothing whatsoever to do with this event. Would you be kicking up such a fuss if it was with two men instead? Or maybe one man one woman?

WhenTheyComeForYou · 02/02/2025 20:05

Were you expecting him to leave when he realised two women were going? Were you expecting an invite?

YANBU to feel upset but YABU to have expected him to have not gone today. It sounds like you have bigger issues - can you both stop arguing and spend that time planning time together?

Dishwashersaurous · 02/02/2025 20:08

This is perfectly normal, four work related people went on a corporate jolly. Two of them happened to be men, and two women.
This is completely normal.

And is completely separate from whether you and he spend quality time together.

This was a work thing, it may have been a fun thing but it was work.

Iamoldandwearpurple · 02/02/2025 20:09

He is right, these sort of things are.quite common in the corporate world.

You are not crazy but you do sound needy and insecure. Has he given you reason?

Unless he has form for cheating then yabu.