For thinking we can’t get out of this (poor health and finances)

[HelloVeraPlant]

Me and my partner live together (rent), we have a 1 year old. The dynamics of our relationship has always been he is the positive one and I’m realistic.

Over the past year we’ve burned through our savings (high costs, car broke down, had to move) and we decided that this year would be the year we build ourselves.

But 2025 hasn’t been kind. He needs to have brain surgery, this month. His work have stopped paying him sick leave (he works at a school) and my work sliced my hours to 1 day a week.

We just can’t afford life. He is being so so positive! And thinks we should maybe get some extra income tutoring (as he is a maths teacher and I have experience with setting up small enterprises) - but with the baby I haven’t been able to do anything. He he isn’t acknowledging what recovery could look like - I’m petrified but being brave.

We have nothing to our names in savings - and have just about enough to manage urgent expenses. But this month our income has just plummeted!

AIBU in thinking that we are just doomed. I can’t see a way past this at all - and I’m probably posting to hear stories of people that have made it through unexpected curveballs!

Are you claiming everything you can with benefits? With no savings and things that tight you should be eligible for quite a bit - and IMO it's exactly what the system is there for! If you can survive on them for a bit I absolutely would until he's in recovery, and then you can look at upping hours or taking on extra work.

Are you getting all of the benefits you’re entitled to?

If he’s off work is he well enough to take care of the baby while you find more work? Obviously you can’t support 3 people on one day a week

How long has he been off sick? Teachers normally get 6 months full pay and then it’s reduced pay. Have you not been reducing spending and looking to increase your hours during this time?

They’ve got a 1 year old, so I assume for at least 6 months of the time the OP has been recovering from birth and looking after their newborn. Depending on when they reduced the OP’s hours, she may not have had a huge amount of time to look for extra work. Caring for a baby plus what sounds like a seriously ill husband sounds fairly time consuming to be honest.

Could you claim something like universal credit during those months perhaps?

This sounds like a really tough situation for you all. It sounds as though your husband has quite a serious illness? Do you know what the recovery time is likely to be?

In the meantime, definitely put in a claim for benefits- look at 'entitled to' to help or you could try citizens advice for urgent help.

Is your dh in the teachers pension? I may be wrong but he may be able to get some support for in-service serious illness - worth an ask.

What line of work do you do? Is there a possibility of finding a different/additional role to top up earnings?

I would also speak to your health visitor as they may be able to signpost to support.

Thete is an organisation called turn2us.org
(I think that is right) that can help you check everything you can claim.

I think your situation is somewhere between his positive outlook and your doom and gloom. It will be hard on both the financial and health recovery fronts but not impossible.

Are you looking for work? You need steady income.

‘His idea for tutoring is a good one. Post some ads on fb or other social media and market him as a ‘temporary tutor’. For parents that need ad hoc services for their kids and don’t want to sign up or pay for long term tutoring, instead have kids that need help with specific concepts or problems. Kind of like a drop in service.

And yes find out if there are any temporary benefits available to you.

Exactly this. He has only been off work for 1 month and his school are being unreasonable. The union is getting involved. We can’t believe they’ve halved his pay when we have given them evidence from the hospital.

Recovery looks like a minimum 4 weeks - but can be months depending on how he copes. Fortunately it’s non -cancerous but has to be removed.

We have reduced our spending.But there are still lots of bills coming out. I was earning way more on Mat leave than I am now on 1 day - this is the first pay day we’ve had with these shockingly low salaries.

I am job hunting but I haven’t had any interviews yet. I’m trying to find another approach to finding work. I had a good set up with the charity I work for as I was working from home and the plan was to put the baby in nursery - but with my reduced hours I don’t even earn enough to make the free 15 hour threshold.

The tutoring could work but we have no idea how the surgery will affect his memory etc and he has to take it easy as headaches can be common.

We’ve applied for UC so we will see what happens when they look at our circumstance etc.

I just can’t believe we’ve gone from being independent to having all of this to deal with.

As others have said, look at benefits to see you through. Depending on the severity of the brain issue, Dh should also look at life insurance or critical illness cover in case the worst happens. And obviously yes, you need to look for a new job.

Do you have any family? Would it be an option to move back in with parents/in-laws until your savings recover?

If no family nearby, is there anything keeping you in the area or could you move to a cheaper location?

Contact your husband's Union. NEU eg have a hardship fund. NASUWT too.

Try this charity @HelloVeraPlant - it says on one of the 'thank you's' at the bottom that they helped someone when they became ill so may be worth making contact to see if they can help you get by until you have a plan in place and know more / can get over the shock:

teachingstafftrust.org.uk/

Also, have a google for your local household support fund. They help people temporarily with either one off help (gas / electric / food vouchers / appliances / BACS payments) and you may be eligible for something to just help you get through this month maybe.

Wishing you both the best of luck, and strength in the coming days / weeks / months x

There are some excellent free debt advice organisations such as PayPal who can advise you how best to handle your current situation.
You should qualify for Universal Credit.
We're 2 months into 2025, plenty of time yet!
Good luck.

@ElizaMulvil thanks! We did get in touch and they said they have an emergency fund. Hopefully we can sort it before the next payday.

@Mumto42005 thanks for this. Super useful. Will check it out.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

Entitledto is a good website for making sure you are getting all benefits you are entitled to. Depending on how his condition affects him, your husband may be entitled to PIP, but do get someone to help you fill in the form if you decide to apply.