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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I doing sex wrong?!?

45 replies

Lightbulbs · 02/02/2025 08:23

I've had a problem that has plagued me since I was 20 years old and I'm beginning to think I'm doing something wrong.

More often than not, I get cystitis after sex. My husband and I always have a shower before, I go for a wee afterwards and I wash afterwards. It's so miserable that I go through all these steps, yet I still get it. I don't want to have sex anymore because of the fuss... and then waking up to pain. Between Bupa and Boots online I've got a whole system in place to get antibiotics. I drink water... the sachets etc.

I did go to a doctor about it in my early 20's, they put a camera in to investigate and all was fine.

I do like my clit being played with and I wonder if it's that area that gets irritated. I don't want to have sex anymore and I'm now nearly 40. Am I doing sex wrong??!?

OP posts:

Waterweight · 02/02/2025 11:17

SmolTrashPanda · 02/02/2025 11:08

Looking at the advice given so far, I think you need to have sex with someone else to see whether it still happens?

Yh. This ^ as bad as it sounds

Your PH/bacterial levels may not be compatible with each other

AndSoFinally · 02/02/2025 11:29

What do you mean by cystitis?

Do you mean stinging when you wee as in the urine is irritating/burning the skin eg due to friction? Or do you mean full UTI symptoms where your bladder feels bruised and you constantly feel like you need to wee?

The solutions will be different

Pinkywoo · 02/02/2025 11:31

I used to have the same problem, I started taking a high dose of D Mannose every day and within a couple of weeks it stopped. You can take extra if you feel a UTI starting, it really was the only thing that made a difference for me.

smallchange · 02/02/2025 11:34

You can get a prophylactic antibiotic dose from the GP to take for this. It's "a thing" for some women, not just you.

Definitely try out the other suggestions on the thread first if you don't like the idea of taking abs regularly, but it's useful to have in your back pocket so to speak - you don't have to put up with it or give up sex if you don't want to.

IAmTheLittleThings · 02/02/2025 11:38

I had a fwb. It was almost like I was allergic to his sperm. Only him.
I had to knock it on the head, it drove me mad.
Speak to your GP

Cushioncut · 02/02/2025 11:45

Just urinating straight after sex is pretty pointless if you have a largely empty bladder. I found out it's much more effective after sex to have a large glass of water and wait say 20 minutes so you can get a decent flow to clear out amy bacteria. Cystitis is caused by bacteria getting into the bladder so both you and your partner should both have a shower right before sex. This solved a lot of my problems though I found it helped to avoid very acidic drinks like large glasses of orange juice as it turned out my bladder was slightly sensitive. It was grim at the time but this routine made a huge difference.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 02/02/2025 11:53

I had issues with his when trying to conceive as we were having more sex than usual. You are doing all the right things. One thing that helped me a lot was taking cranberry capsules. You can buy them in Boots or Amazon x

EauNeu · 02/02/2025 11:55

make sure that when he is trying to touch your clitoris, he's not actually rubbing the entrance to your urethra instead. a lot of men get the two mixed up. unfortunately. had this same problem before

KhakiOrca · 02/02/2025 12:27

Maybe you need to stop the routine of washing etc. Have you tried that?

Kittykat2014 · 02/02/2025 12:50

Have a look at hypertonic pelvic floor. I had similar and it drove me mad but then saw a pelvic health physio and it changed it all for me. Are you having your urine tested each time? I ended up buying dip test strips for home so I could test when I felt it starting up and quite often it wasn't an infection.

TheWorldKickedBack · 02/02/2025 12:54

I started getting UTI's in my late 20s after sex. I eventually saw a private gynaecologist and she prescribed me some estrogen cream for a few weeks to build up the wall between the vagina and anus. It seemed to do the job as I went another 10 years without another UTI.

DreamingOfASilentNight · 02/02/2025 13:01

But some Azo urinary symptom relief online( your wee will look shocking see if that helps. It might be stinging and burning rather than actual cystitis caused by bacteria. This will help determine the cause. If it helps you'll know the reason. If they work antibiotics are pointless. The answer is live. I suggest you try a small amount of pjur( in the white bottle ) as it's hypo allergenic and see if that helps. Some water based lives cause real irritation and don't last long enough. Additionally ensure your partner really washers his hands or sex and didn't use soap or any products on your genitals.

Original poster

Lightbulbs · 02/02/2025 13:49

GoldMoon · 02/02/2025 09:29

Are you using lube as well ?

Yes.... and I'm pretty 'wet' so not friction..

OP posts:

Widowerwouldyou · 27/04/2025 10:17

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2025 11:05

Yes I've heard it's more common when they're large and it's frequent.

Show quote history

I realise this is an old thread, but I am suffering awful pain this morning - new partner is very large and then three nights in a row…
It is friction for sure so not sure what to do for the pain - will hobble to Boots for some ibuprofen….

Condensedmilkdrinker · 27/04/2025 10:22

Lube lube lube! My partner is very well endowed and I've got cystitis 10 times in 2 years. Now we use lube religiously and its the only thing that prevents it. We forgot one time and bam cystitis came back!

Imicola · 27/04/2025 10:29

I've had this problem in the past. Cystitis symptoms, but eventually through repeated GP visits and urine samples we determined it was not caused by infection. I also had many tests, including the camera which found nothing. The thing that made the difference for me was avoiding missionary position. I guess it was too much friction in that area? Might be worth exploring different positions to see if it makes a difference.

Widowerwouldyou · 27/04/2025 10:30

Thank you!!! Yes we’ e been using lube but forgot last night…

thestudio · 27/04/2025 10:34

It's not friction exactly, it's the 'bashing' of the urethra from the other side of the wall, causing bruising and inflammation.

Some positions will exacerbate it - try from behind so that the penis is pointing at the back part of the vaginal wall towards your back rather than towards your abdomen.

D Mannose every time you have sex.

Widowerwouldyou · 27/04/2025 12:09

Thank you!!! Just bought D Mannose on Amazon.

Widowerwouldyou · 27/04/2025 17:52

Really so grateful for the kind and helpful advice. Went to the Boots Pharmacy -to my surprise there was a lovely pharmacist there -on. a Sunday! Found me something (which actually spreads seems to be working - -I never believe it will 😂. Also said if symptoms persist after 48 hours he can prescribe me topical antibiotics. Just amazing!!!! Sometimes the NHS does deliver wonderfully!
One point tho’ was he asked my aged -luckily I am just 64 because apparently that is the cut off age he can prescribe….

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