My husband is like talking to a wall.

[Applecake99]

My husband is like talking to a wal
Yesterday, I had a discussion with my husband, and I told him again that talking to him feels like talking to a wall. Whenever I tell him that I'm sad (literally me sitting down and saying "I'm sad" because he wouldn’t notice me being sad, not in 10,000 years), he made a joke and completely ignored the fact that I was sad.

Am I crazy to expect the other person to ask why I am sad?

Many times, I’ve told him that I was having problems sleeping because of stress, and he wouldn’t even react...

One more thing to consider: my husband is not a bad person; he cares about me, but he just doesn’t react to things...

Is this normal? Do more women experience this with their partners? I feel it’s terribly unfair to say that most men are like this, and I only have my best friend’s marriage as an example (she’s been married for 10 years, and they don’t talk to each other— they just communicate the important things and never talk about feelings).

The thing is, I’m terribly disappointed. I’m a person who needs a lot of communication, and I believe the key to a happy marriage is communication. I’m always open to hearing what others have to say and improving myself, but what do you do when the other person just isn’t communicating?

I know he’s not doing this with bad intentions, but I’m feeling terribly alone and frustrated because I can’t share anything with him...

I tried to explain this to him, and he got mad and told me that was just his way, and asked me not to try to change him.

I don’t think I’m trying to change him—am I? I would definitely try to modify things about myself if they were important to my husband, so why isn’t he doing the same?

Am I crazy to think this way?

My ex was like you describe. One of the reasons he's ex. I was very lonely.

I'm the bad communicator in my relationship, and I think this is excellent advice. In our marriage, DH is the talker and I'm the fixer. I find it really difficult when DH shares a problem to not just respond "Why don't you do X/Could you do Y?".

In trying to stop myself from offering fixes, it means that I now often don't respond at all, because I'm worried I'll say the wrong thing. I'm working on this and trying to get better at asking questions instead of providing answers. However it takes time. I think the suggestions you provided are excellent, and as a bad communicator, I think they would help me to have better conversations :).

Maybe say you’re sad, explain why and then ask for a hug?

my DH is similar. He shows love and support in different ways.

My husband is the same. I think it came from having a very controlling, highly strung mother - she would respond in an uncontrolled, hysterical and frightening way. (still does, sigh)

Or maybe he's just exhausted by your communication style. If you always communicate like "I'm sad" I'd be the same as him. That's nice, what do you want me to do about. Start using proper sentences and framing complete thoughts. I'd be fully thinking of leaving the relationship if my partner communicated with me like that and expected me to tease the story out of them like they're a toddler.

I'm not really sure what to make of this, to be honest. It's tricky to judge when only hearing your side and not his.

However, I'm quite surprised at other posters saying you're childish/infuriating for saying "I'm sad".

To me, that's just you simply declaring your feelings in black and white terms. Yes, it is a prompt. But any of the suggested "openers" are also a prompt.

The natural response, in my opinion, would be him asking, "oh no, what's made you sad?" and you then telling him all about it. So, not him having to tease it out of you as someone has stated.

Just goes to show how people's perspectives differ. Which takes me back to whether YABU or not.. I don't know. Sorry. 😟

My sister says you can’t get ‘all things’ from one person, she would say I should call her for the emotional support or get a therapist.

Having a good man and a miracle really. There is something wrong with all of them (like us I suppose) so you have to choose what you can live with. Only you know what it’s really like x x

Don't get why moan yet marry him if it's not what you want. Whole idea is to learn who someone is before mareiage

Yes iv experienced this and the result was the guy didnt care about me! They should want to talk to u want u to be happy

I'd fine someone starting a conversationn with "I'm sad" quite annoying. I'd much rather you stated the problem at the same time. I'm sad is like the bread crumb posts on facebook - a pic of you in a hospital waiting room, for example, without any explanation - it comes across as attention seeking.

I disagree if its your partner ot doesnt matter how its said or whats said they are trying to communicarte and getting nothing back thats not healthy

I'm glad it's helpful. I used to be a fixer which is ironic because I hate when people do it to me. I have a friend with anxiety who sometimes reaches out to me with a one-liner i.e. "I feel the sense of impending doom". My first question isn't "what happened", my first question is always "What do you need right now? Would you like to vent or would you like me to offer some advice?" and we go from there. Obviously, we have enough of a relationship for him not to feel like I am being abrasive. You may have to word it differently depending on whom you are talking to. But it's a really useful question.

I too am the tally emotional one. If I have something to say to my husband, I text it by what’s app, and can see if he’s read it. Writing makes me slow down, pinpoint my feeling, need, or point of view without emotion. I suspect he too is closet autistic. I watched https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-DUP-VFw1YA recommended on a similar thread to this and it helps me. I think my husband has PDA type autism as if I ask him to do anything, it backfires on me. I can actually see him struggling with the demand. Also journaling or writing out all the ruminations and crap in my head, all the stuff you can’t say out loud helps me decide if my feelings are fear or if I actually have something / need I want him to know. Then I text that. Finally I take breaks, timeout for myself, and go off with kids or a friend at half terms, or long weekends without him, just to have a break. He then gets his time alone which he craves, with no demands, and I get my social fix. He explains he just wants to stay at home. I don’t and am grateful he’s happy to let me go.