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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Me again ……

12 replies

OneGreyPombear · 01/02/2025 23:15

I know you’re all probably getting fed up of my posts now because you all kindly give your advice and I just can’t seem to take it but please know it’s more than just ignoring peoples advice and more of a “can’t” situation and I need sometimes just to vent off .

after years of too much drinking causing a problem and my OH becoming verbally aggressive and downright nasty , January we both decided together to cut down . ive stuck to it apart from weekends where ive had my half of a bottle of wine and that’s it . He’s tried but doesn’t seem to be able to stop completely but is better .
Anyway as a treat I decided to take us out for an Indian tonight . All fine and well . A few drinks nothing excessive and a bottle of wine in , we arrive home and it’s all the verbals again .
Honestly , I feel so defeated . Deflated . Fed up . I’ve not worked for a while due to ill health so have saved up to go out , and it’s been ruined . He paid on his card and I’ve given him 80% of the money back as he said when he paid “I’ll pay” and I said no , but if you want , as a compromise you just buy the wine. All was good .
but we’ve got home and now I’m “tight as fuck” I feel like I may as well not have bothered and saved my money for something more important.

I don’t even know what the point of this thread is . Just needed to get it off my chest as feeling now very sad not to even be able to do something nice and it be appreciated.

OP posts:
JollyViper · 01/02/2025 23:32

You must know deep down, that he doesn't deserve you time, effort or affection.
You were a whole person before him and don't need your other half.
He sounds utterly awful x

MyCatNamedCookingFat · 02/02/2025 00:09

He'll never change. I'm so sorry.

maudelovesharold · 02/02/2025 00:20

I haven’t read your other threads, I’m afraid. Why did he call you ‘tight as fuck’, when it was going to be your treat, and you’ve paid 80% of the bill, despite him saying he would pay? I don’t get it. Did he just say “I’ll pay” to look generous in the restaurant, with the expectation that you would pay him back for the whole lot? Dickhead.

devuskums · 02/02/2025 00:29

He a knob. You worth more.

crackfoxy · 02/02/2025 09:48

Stop drinking and leave. Life is too short.

ExtraOnions · 02/02/2025 09:55

Alcohol needs to be 100% removed from this relationship.
Stop seeing it as a “treat”, it’s harmful to you both.
Until you remove alcohol (and probably yourself), you will be stuck in a cycle

DaringLion · 02/02/2025 15:13

Remove the alcohol

username299 · 02/02/2025 15:20

He's a nasty drunk so I don't understand why you're surprised. I would ask him to stop drinking but that won't necessarily stop the behaviour.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2025 15:22

You need to stop drinking and to leave him.

SleepingisanArt · 02/02/2025 15:27

A few drinks and a bottle of wine IS excessive when there is a problem with alcohol. One drink is excessive when there is a problem. You need to both stop drinking or you need to leave - you can't make him stop if he doesn't want to....

Crunchymum · 02/02/2025 15:35

You say in your other threads that he's fine without alcohol but also that he drinks every night?

There is no real choice here. Stay and be his verbal punchbag for the rest of your days or make a plan to leave.

Nessastats · 02/02/2025 15:37

How much do you normally drink if you think a few drinks and a bottle of wine between you with one meal isn't much?

That's loads.

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