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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think sleeping through would be nice but isn't a necessity?

56 replies

VictorianSqualor · 07/05/2008 17:01

I overheard a conversation yesterday, well, the whole bus did, two women discussing their 5 and 6 month old babies, and how they ahd had to start them on hungry baby milk almost straight away, start weaning at 3 months, add an extra meal, then start feeding two meals a day, etc etc.

The reason they gave for every decision they made they justified with the line 'Well, it was obviously needed cos as soon as we did it s/he started sleeping straight through' and also talked about each time baby stopped sleeping through again they would up the food intake.

Now, stats and facts regarding feeding aside, surely people realise baby sleeping through is not something that you need to aspire to, babies are not made to sleep through, and physically not able to for a good while.

Of course we all want a full ngihts sleep, it's the one thing that makes having a baby so bloody hard, sleep deprivation! But can't we wait until they are ready?

OP posts:
BellaBear · 07/05/2008 17:03

thank you for saying this! it makes me feel far more normal (DS 16 weeks wakes up 3-8 times a night)

Egg · 07/05/2008 17:04

Agree with you but, if I am honest, I can't bloody WAIT for my DTs to both sleep through . But I wont be using hungry baby milk to get them there, or weaning waaaaaay too early (maybe a little bit tho ).

VacantlyPretty · 07/05/2008 17:04

Message withdrawn

Egg · 07/05/2008 17:05

Bella think my DTs and your DS must be almost same age (mine were born 10 Jan).

BellaBear · 07/05/2008 17:06

18th Jan!

someone asked me if 'he normally has a sleep in the afternoon'. How I laughed!

wonderstuff · 07/05/2008 17:07

I als hate the is she good question, is there such a thing as a bad baby?

SenoraPostrophe · 07/05/2008 17:08

don't you think you're being a tiny bit patronising? babies obviously can sleep through - as these women's babies did (and good for them). whether they're made to or not is beside the point. they're not made to wear clothes but we still dress them

as it goes there is lots of evidence against weaning at 3 months - you should wait for 4 - but after that there's not really any evidence to suggest increasing food intake etc will harm the babies.

I think we get way too much advice on this, and it makes some women simply switch off to all of it. plus sleep really is more important for some people than for others.

thelittlestbadger · 07/05/2008 17:09

My DD is nearly 10 months and still doesn't sleep through regularly. I don't really see the point in trying to feed/drug her to do so as its okay and she'll get there. I reckon it will be much longer lasting and habit forming if she can work it out for herself (with a tiny bit of encouragement from me/DH!) rather than forcing her to do so early as some books suggest.

However, the whole point of most of the baby instruction manuals is to get your child sleeping through by 8 weeks or so I think. Funnily enough, DD hadn't read them.

BellaBear · 07/05/2008 17:10

or 'is he well behaved?'

no. he steals things and has taken up smoking

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 07/05/2008 17:14

I don't think I'm being patronising at all, I'm shattered, getting up goodness knows how many times a night to feed DS2 but I won't be increasing his food intake or leaving him to cry because I want sleep.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 07/05/2008 17:14

Mine were/are totally bf and never slept through till about 10 months.

And you know what? I never really minded, and [looks around and whispers guiltily] I even missed it - that quiet, tender, time when it was just the two of us in the middle of the night.

If you had told me, before I'd had children, that one day I'd feel like that, I believe I would have laughed in your face.

Tatties · 07/05/2008 17:15

LOL my 3yo still wakes at night

VacantlyPretty · 07/05/2008 17:17

Message withdrawn

bumpybecky · 07/05/2008 17:18

I hate the 'is he good?' question too. DS (born 4th Jan no idea how many weeks that makes him) seem to attract nutters in supermarkets how need to know if he's good / sleeping through etc. Never got this with the girls (x3)

for the record he's not sleeping through either. No where near in fact. No early weaning or hungry milk for us, he's breastfed and we co-sleep, so waking in the night isn't much of an issue realy. I know he does, but no idea how many times or when!

bumpybecky · 07/05/2008 17:19

who need to know....

vbacqueen1 · 07/05/2008 17:21

YANBU
The older I get and the more children I have, the more I realise that those times during the middle of the night when it's just you and them really are so precious, so BalloonSlayer, I'm with you all the way! Don't get me wrong I'm not a total masochist, and a full nights sleep is a beautiful thing too, but I was almost sorry when my last baby dropped an early hours feed as I knew she was probably my last baby

Pennypops · 07/05/2008 17:26

UUurrgrghhh I hated this and the "Is he good?" question. My ds sleeps through now more often than not but it took until about 7 months and he still has the odd duff night. Sleep isn't linear - just because a baby sleeps through at 4 months doesn't usually mean it will stay that way! I got really quite cross when people suggested early weaning and this "hungry" milk stuff.

"Is he good?" I sometimes think people may as well just ask "do you think you're a good mother?"

cornsilk · 07/05/2008 17:26

aren't people just being friendly when they ask if your baby is good?

pointydog · 07/05/2008 17:28

YABU - sleep is a necessity! How much is maybe the question.

Sleep deprivation is bloody awful. I can understand why some people react in this way even though I wouldn't condone it.

DarthVader · 07/05/2008 17:29

My dd slept through the night from about 8 weeks apart from when ill or teething.

I don't know if I could have coped otherwise to be honest, so it was a pretty big deal for me! If interrupted sleep is not an issue for you then that's fine, but if you have other committments in life and work to deal with then I can see that you might easily assume that a baby who sleeps through is pretty essential!

I think you need to just have confidence in your own parenting choices and to respect the choices of others. I wouldn't have been happy with choosing controlled crying if my dd didn't sleep through, but then I was lucky that I didn't have to face the choice.

belgo · 07/05/2008 17:29

after a couple of years of sleeping nights, I found sleeping through an absolute necessity.

DarthVader · 07/05/2008 17:33

Pennypops just breeze through ignoring any advice you don't agree with!

Asking is he good is definitely not about whether you are a good mother! You sound quite overly sensitive to me! The same mother can have easy and not so easy babies in sequence, and people who ask if your baby is good are generally just being sympathetic as they know how hard it is when your baby cries a lot/ doesn't sleep well etc!

BouncingTurtle · 07/05/2008 17:35

I was asking my mum about how me and my brothers did sleepwise when babies. I wasn't too bad but never really slept through - always wokr up at least once, in fact, in all honesty I don't think I have ever slept through the night and I am 33

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 07/05/2008 17:36

I've always taken 'is he good' to mean 'is he easy' because some babies are harder to look after than others.

We all know when we have a baby that there will be nightfeeds and that most won't sleep through so why do we get so hooked on making them?

Sleep is a necessity yes, but sleeping through is not.

OP posts:
pointydog · 07/05/2008 17:39

we can get hooked on it because we don't realise, or forget, how horrible it is to be deprived of sleep and also because there are ways of making it more likely that your child will slepp through.

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