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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let mother care for son on her own

9 replies

Ozzy91 · 01/02/2025 21:19

About 10 months ago, I was with my mum and son (almost two years old at the time). We were in the car and she offered him something to eat that she'd bought specifically for him, he said no I don't want it, and she told him to off. I was astonished and speechless in shock. I said to her you cannot speak to him like that, he's just a baby. She said she didn't know what happened and it just came out. I wish I'd been more stern at the time but I was just so shocked that I didn't know what to say. My mum has major major issues and has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my siblings whilst we were growing up. Since this happened, I do not trust her to be alone with him. She is starting to pick up on the fact that I very very rarely let her be alone with him, and if she asks why, I will have to tell her the reason. This will likely cause her to ignore me for weeks perhaps. AIBU to still feel this way or is it sensible to keep a distance between them. I never want my children to experience what I did whilst growing up and feel I am protecting him. But perhaps I'm being over cautious and put it down to a one time thing?

OP posts:
StandardNetworkRate · 01/02/2025 21:21

You are not being unreasonable at all. Your job is to protect your son, not your mother.

MrsJHernandez · 01/02/2025 21:27

Agree with PP.

If you think keeping away is for the best, then you're totally reasonable to do that. Your child and his welfare should be your priority, not your mother's feelings.

Spirallingdownwards · 01/02/2025 21:37

If she decides to stay away that's on her. If she can't accept your wishes to not swear at or speak to your children in that manner then surely it's no big loss.

Purinea · 01/02/2025 21:42

She was emotionally and verbally abusive to you (and still is??)
and has been verbally abusive to your baby. You wouldnt be unreasonable to not see her at all, I’m surprised she’s ever alone with your child.
id he inclined to pretend you don’t know what she’s talking about if she raised it
just act dumb ‘oh I hadn’t realised’ ‘oh I don’t know, just how things have fallen I suppose’ and not give her leverage to abuse you or your child

Justmuddlingalong · 01/02/2025 21:43

You've got experience of your DM's abusive behaviour.
You have every right and need to protect your DC from that treatment.
If you have to spell out to her why you don't leave her alone with him, so be it. Any over reaction from her is just another display of her abusive behaviour.
Protect him, regardless of the threat of silent treatment.

PeriPeriMam · 01/02/2025 21:45

She ignores you for weeks if you won't leave her alone with your child? Wtf?

You're not unreasonable. You've been conditioned to accept unacceptable behavior

Nationsss · 01/02/2025 21:46

Put your child first.
Her response was abnormal and emotionally abusive.
Let her ignore you...it might be for the best.
I wouldn't want her around my child.

SunshineAndFizz · 02/02/2025 07:04

Put your child first - you're doing the right thing. If she says anything just be honest.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/02/2025 07:51

As she said that 'she doesn't know what happened, it just came out', she clearly doesn't take responsibility for her actions. She was abusive to you as a child and has already shown that she hasn't changed.

Don't leave your child alone with her and cut back on the time that you both spend with her.

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