AIBU - Want to move back to home we were moved away from due to welfare concerns.

[SilverDoe]

Will try and keep this brief, am feeling so restless and out of sorts waiting for options and decisions, and want a sanity check on this.

When I had my first baby 9 years ago me and my partner were allocated a housing association property. It was our first home together, my first home from flying the nest, and I loved it. It was small but in a beautiful area with a nice community and just ticked almost every box possible. A little small but workable and we went on to have more children and despite ups and downs of life, it was a cosy and secure base for us. Basically I'm trying to say, I was very attached to the property and area.

Fast forward 6 years to 2022, and we got a new neighbour in the downstairs flat which was part of our house (large detached house converted into 2 floor maisonette and small ground floor flat), and everything slowly changed.

To cut a long story short, there were lots of concerns raised by us and the whole street as the GF flat went to shit, was used as a drug den and had all sorts of bad stuff going on. It got pretty bad; the neighbours were never a problem directly and were never mean, but there were huge environmental health concerns and lots of police raids and conflicts within the property due to drugs, as well as lots of random people coming and going.

I'd clearly lived a very sheltered life, as this seemed like the worst situation possible and after months of reporting and moaning, we were eventually moved in summer 2023.

The new place was so much worse, we went from being in proximity of ASB to being direct targets of abuse and harassment. The area was awful and we were moved to a block of flats in a city centre which was the complete opposite of our little place which was in a lovely leafy area close by. I won't go into it but I had a complete breakdown, the impact on the rest of the family has been profound, and I've become a shell of myself. All I've dreamed of is reversing this decision and following the channels to deal with the ASB at our old place.

We only moved a mile or so away and didn't move the children's school and it's a great school. My partner occasionally walks past our old house, and noticed that it was empty again.

I've basically begged my HA to put us back there. Am I mad? Would they ever agree to it? They are fully aware that I have asked multiple times to move back and that I'm really struggling, and have agreed to move me when something suitable comes up.

I just want to go back there, but I'm worried the new situation has clouded my judgement. Has anyone been in a similar situation of returning to a property they previously left? I can't imagine it's a very common situation at all, so it's really hard to get any advice 😞

Set your sights higher and get away from both properties, contact your MP for help as well.

Neither houses are any good for bringing up a family.

I would love that but I live in a very high demand area in the SE, and the council, despite me pursing every avenue ( currently sitting at a stage 2 complaint) do not seem to care at all as they just say it's the housing associations responsibility to fix 😢

Thing is, it's a very niche HA and they only have a relative handful of properties in my area.

I know the street have continued to pursue the ASB and not long before we left, measures were being put in place to prevent visitors.

I just have this image in my head of moving back there, installing some soundproofing and going back to my little life before all this happened, it would be like waking up from a bad dream. I know the area so well and feel safe and secure there apart from this one neighbour. And it's not like the neighbour had any direct issues with us. I just don't know. The only other place they have to offer us is literally like the same situation we have now but in a completely isolated area on the outskirts of the city, I can't believe these are our only options...

Also private rent is simply not an option and won't be for several years if ever; I would have to rent a 3 bed and it's about £500+ more expensive and the market is extremely competitive. Nobody would ever choose us.

Surely the old property would be too small now ? as you would be overcrowded as you do say you went on to have more children

It's small but it's manageable as we give the children both bedrooms.

In any case, absolutely nobody is offering us more than a 2 bed; HA have only been able to do like for like swaps so the other flat we've been offered is 2 bed, as is the one we currently occupy.

I feel so fucking stuck and like a failure. We are barely there now, my son has ADHD and possibly autism and it's a living nightmare living next to someone who will start screaming, shouting, banging the walls and throwing things if any of the kids make any noise. If he had a meltdown there my nerves literally can't face it; this is the lowest my life has ever been and I'm powerless to fix it.

I would up sticks and move but there are lots of other considerations including my widowed mum who lives alone and my job where I am contractually aligned to this location and is the only stability in my life rn apart from my partner.

Also just for clarity, the council would have to house me in a 3 bed but that's just not going to happen. I'm in Band C and that might as well be not on the register, realistically.

2 beds would be more affordable for me but estate agents won't consider it due to overcrowding.

Have you got anyone involved with your family who could write supporting letters? School, GP, MP?

I'd say you need to move on things quickly as that property won't be empty for long.

No they will not re house you there if you have a 3 bed need,as they would’ve over crowding you.
it depends anyway- if you’re in a system where you can bid for properties it’s unlikely you’d get it by asking as it would have to go through the usual process for fairness. In some cases if it’s the same HA you’re with, they can do a direct let under exceptional circumstances however given you moved due to safety concerns, this is unlikely.
id try a mutual exchange if I were you.

I've provided a few supporting documents I've managed to obtain which are really helpful, but unfortunately for the council at least, it's not enough 😢

They have told me they are an "evidence based service", which means that my letters from the school, health care professionals, and the opinion of the councils own ASB officer is not enough, and they need a very specific statement from the police saying it is physically unsafe for us to remain in the property. Either that or if I go into mental health crisis and am hospitalised. Nothing else is considered acceptable.

I have written to my counsellor and they have been following the complaints process on my behalf, and I requested a review of my case (outcome was they held their position that Band C is okay), but the outcome of the complaint is still pending. All they have done is ignore it and send me another automated email after the initial deadline passed and I called them.

They can do like for like, in fact they are only offering me 2 bedrooms - the new flat was a 2 bed and the other (completely unsuitable) flat is 2 bedroom.

I also do have an agreement with them already, that they will do a managed move to a new property when one becomes available and in fact have already done this, but I just can't accept it for various reasons which they do understand.

I'm just not sure they would be willing to move me back to my old home. I really desperately want them to.

As an ex housing officer. There is no way I'd accept an application to move back

It is a weird coincidence; I had just the day before plucked up the courage after months of not hearing further from them, that I just don't think I can make the move to the new flat.

Then the next day my partner walks past our old house for the first time in a long while and sees that it is empty. As soon as he told me I sent an email begging them to consider us; that was yesterday morning and I'm so anxious to hear their thoughts.

Its been almost a year and a half and I've been asking periodically if I could move back within the first week, but everyone kept saying things would get better.

Also I forgot to mention to a PP, but I'm not eligible for home swapper or mutual exchange, my housing association is a very strange small one and was a very specific scheme. I have asked several times but nobody seems to really even understand the tenancy i am on at the council, it's so frustrating.

This is what I'm worried about 😞

On paper I know it seems absolutely absurd and unreasonable for me to ask this.

But their portfolio in my area is so limited, for the foreseeable future my only options are to stay in this place that is causing acute harm to my family, move to another place with the literal exact same set up and environment as my current situation with the addition of being physically isolated in a small village with no public transport, or go back to our previous property which is layout wise and area wise the most suitable and beneficial for my family.

You made a massive deal about your old 'perfect ' house to the point the housing association moved you.

You now want to move back because you don't like it.

Why should they accommodate that?

What if you don't like your next neighbour?

Much easier to keep you where you are and let you find private rent.

Just saying it like an ex housing officer.

Has the downstairs neighbour in the old property moved? And is there a steady tenant living in there?
i work for a niche HA and I would consider moving you back if these issues had been resolved.

also it sounds as though these neighbours are also tenants of the housing association you are with, is this the case or are you being housed in problem areas?

I'd ring them on Monday if you have no response to your email. Also get your GP on board for how this has impacted your MH and your DC. If your child has SEN it makes no sense to move area/schools. No harm in giving it your best shot. At least you'll know you need to emotionally move on from that property of it's a hard no.

I completely get that perspective.

In fairness, they have a lot more information about our circumstances, the issues we have faced in each, and the way these various things affect or are affected by my family.

I don't really want to go into too much detail, but they are working closely with me and they absolutely will move me, but they have a very small number of properties and as far as I know, an appropriate one after these 2 might not come up for years.

Things at the old home did get really bad, but ultimately I think I made (at least relatively speaking) a huge mistake in moving, as things could have been dealt with, it just took a long time. For example, it took almost a year to get the garden the neighbour had completely trashed cleared. Months of it being infested with so many rats you could see dozens of them in the middle of the day. It also wasn't just our voice, other neighbours were putting a lot of pressure on the HA as the situation was bad for them too.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed, I know it's extremely boring but I've been googling all day and I can't find a situation remotely similar to what we are going through.

Depending on how you HA works you could also ask them to serve you out of the property, some will do this.
it will put you to priority banding with the council especially if you have mental health services Involved who can evidence what your housing situation is doing to your MH.
it can be stressful as it’s an official eviction process but is an option if you want out of both properties

Do you have a designated housing officer OP? I'd also basically say to them. Look we get that this would be the 3rd move, but we'll sign to say we won't ask for alternative accommodation post the bidding process. In a non nasty way - they may just do it to get your case closed.

The problem neighbour hasn't moved but the neighbours remaining in the area are hot on reporting and recording things and I know shortly before I left a partial closure order was granted so people had to stop coming round.

We've been by multiple times since moving and there doesn't seem to be an issue with rh rubbish anymore in the back garden, and there isn't evidence of boarded up windows (resulting from police raids).

One thing that's playing on my mind a bit is that obviously, for our property to be vacant, the new tenant has clearly moved out quite quickly; we moved out in August 23 and the properties take at least a couple of months to be redone, but when I was initially a tenant, these properties were actually temp accommodation so it may be to do with that more than anything else? Also I know the tenant isn't perfect and other people might really not want to live there, but he never bothered us personally, was never aggressive or anything, and right now I'm dealing with someone who I'm worried would actively attack my children.

The area I want to go back to is defo not a problem area, it's beautiful but we are the only house in the area that is HA, the rest are all non converted privately owned. The new area is central and there is lots of unsavoury activity but the main problem is a close neighbour.

@Poppyseeds79 thank you so much for your posts, I think this is my mindset; give it my best shot.

At the end of the day, they've had to deal with me and other neighbours constantly reporting issues with my old place, only for me to then face even worse issues and really break down. My poor housing officer must be sick to death of me, especially now I've told then I can't accept the second new flat.

If my old place has become hard to let as well because of the downstairs neighbour, maybe this could be a mutually beneficial arrangement that would close off the case. And you are right, with my DC and especially with my boy with SEN I really don't want to move schools. A huge draw of the flat we moved to is that it wasn't far away and we could keep them there.

I'm so exhausted. I have dreamt so many times of moving back to our old place, and every time I wake up I'm so damn disappointed 😞

I'm a HA tenant. I live in a converted house just like your original. In a lovely area. But the turnaround is high with people in the property below me always moving onto bigger.

What I realised is - yes very judgemental of me- but HA tenants can very often be completely out of touch with reasonable behaviour. So you might have had the last one move out but I tell you now, the chance of another even worse one is high.

I'm baffled by the bloody obsession with furniture and used goods piling up in gardens. And these are people who are out working raising kids. It's part of the territory to either let your garden go to shit, cause Anti social behaviour or dump rubbish in your garden.

Forget the old property now. It's not going to happen and the next neighbour might be the worst you ever had. You're also going to lose any sympathy from the Housing Association if you pushed a move out and then want to go back.

Things happen for a reason in life. Just see it that you're not destined to go back or be there. Stop romanticising and feeding this.

Focus all your energy on a move somewhere new. In the meantime, can you just try get the neighbour on side. What if anything can you do to make life more smooth. Can you do anything?

I have to accept screaming baby non stop on a loop ATM and never ending rubbish piling up from my neighbours. But I think, well the one on drugs screaming cunt in the garden all day was worse or the one with dog shit all over the access path, they were worse 🤷‍♀️

Thank you that's really interesting. My housing officer told me there's going to be a management review of my situation so I'm really hoping for a positive outcome, but if they really can't find me anywhere suitable withing the foreseeable future, I might have to consider this.

I also feel like I'm putting myself at risk as I'm spending so much time with relatives and not at the flat, I'm scared the batshit neighbour would maliciously report me as not living there and I could lose my tenancy altogether. Just another thing to stress about!

Ah thank you, I do fear I'm looking back with rose tinted glasses, but at the same time, I know that the huge issue I have is that I can simply not have an ADHD/ASD child in an upper floor flat with no garden and people underneath him, and unfortunately the large majority of my HAs properties seem to match this description, so even if I keep holding out and holding out, I might never get somewhere and eventually, like you say they will think I'm just chancing it.

Unfortunately the neighbour is a deeply unpleasant person and also has quite severe mental health issues, so despite me, HA and ASB team explaining to them that no ASB is going on our end, the onslaught is never ending. We're followed down hallways, sworn at, screamed at, they have complete power to cause significant amounts of noise in my property which causes me and my children intense distress. There will never be a resolution as even hearing the children in the hallway for about 20 seconds when they are coming to and from school is enough to provoke a pretty extreme reaction. It's like having to live on the roof of a kennel of a rabid dog that is trying to eat you (and also wants to ostracise and isolate you from any of the friendly dogs in the area.)