Mid 50’s

[SharpPanda]

I’m mid 50’s and feel stuck. Was a full time SAHM. Have done a few part time jobs over the years. Children are in their 20’s all working, but still at home. Husband has retired, he’s a bit older than me. What next? I have no clue what to do. I don’t even know what I like to do. Been looking after everyone else for so long. Suggestions please? What have you done?

Try lots of new things. They can be little like trying a new food or recipe to a new type of exercise to travel or a big goal. Just make it your mission to try new things as often as possible. It is liberating and along the way you will find things you like and things you won't do again, but that sense of purpose and adventure is really good for you.

I am 50 and in same situation except I am working full time in a demanding job as is DH. Still feel similar to you except I have less spare time to feel it. Mid life crisis of sort I think?

Do you have any hobbies? Old ones you could pick up again? What are your interests? Reading? Cooking? Live music? What do you think you'd be interested in?

Tbh, I know it's not much help now but this is why I think it's really important for women not to give their whole identity up to become 'mum'.

Could you afford to travel a bit? I’m similar age and we didn’t do gap year travelling when young so are planning a couple of trips to see the world. Roughing it a bit but not as much as we would have 35 years ago.
I agree with doing new things too. I’m thinking of joining the local theatre group.

If you have spare time look in to volunteering with home start. It is with familys that need support with children under 5 they are always looking for people. There is a little training before you start like first aid. My mother did it in her late 50s she helped 2 families and it was very rewarding. It is something I will consider doing when I have the time.

Homestart is SUCH a wonderful charity @Iloveeverycat , I agree.

@SharpPanda whether it is something like Homestart, where you use your experience to help others, or whether is it something completely new and out of your comfort zone, I do think you need to find a sense of purpose in your life.

This is a good idea but I actually think the OP should consider doing something that is purely for herself, for what she can get out of it. Not giving of herself again to benefit others.

She's spent the last 20 odd years looking after a family and supporting a family.

It's time now to just have fun!

I’d had enough of child rearing! They’re still at home, but even so I saw it as time for me, I’ve started a new career and have excelled where the younger generation are still finding their feet.

Look at other jobs, not just round caring and do something you would enjoy.

I also volunteer teaching an adult class, I meet friends once a week and have free weekends now they are out and about seeing friends. I’m buying books, catching up on films I missed and loving life again.

It's something I've also considered (volunteering with Homestart) but, despite having my own children in their 20s, I don't feel that I've lost a sense of who I am.

So not criticising the suggestion, just wonder if it's most appropriate for the OP.

Volunteer
Join a club or class, such as, walking /Pilates /Tennis/ new language etc…
Plan some travels - could just be weekends away

Read The Middle Passage by James Hollis. A life-changing book in every sense.

This hit home - yes my caring, nurturing, cooking, cleaning, ferrying people around skills have been exhausted. Got to find the ‘fun’ me again!!!

I'm nearly 56, still working, but I'm hoping to retire at 60. I'm starting to plan now.
I do 3 exercise classes a week now, I plan to swim or walk every day, I don't do a class.
I have a volunteer taster session with a local wildlife trust coming up next weekend. I want to help out with the food bank.
We will travel more both UK and abroad
I will see more of my friends.
Do any of these things appeal OP?

I agree with find the fun!!
My nuturing and caring abilities have been worn out completely. People keep suggesting I become a childminder, dementia volunteer, tutor etc as I know so much about these things but I'm worn out. A guest brought me a plant last week as a gift ( which was very kind) but I thought, not another thing to look after. I have a useless H and 3 adult DC still at home ( moved back in Covid just after we downsized and haven't left) and 2 others who have recently moved near by who now look to me for babysitting and I'm just worn out and have vestibular migraine and just not up to it. One of my DD's thought I'd save her money by looking after her baby full time but 1 day a week is more than enough for me and takes me time to recuperate. I'm trying to find the fun again - I used to go to a high impact Zumba class above a pub which was great fun but sadly it has stopped as the pub changed hands. I'm enjoying just walking and looking at the sky and trees and cosseting myself with a nice bar of really dark chocolate and good binge watches on wet days and trying ( in my bedroom) to spend time alone.