Party etiquette for older sibling invitation

[PreesHeath]

DS11 has been invited at the last minute to the birthday party of his friend’s younger brother this afternoon. The younger brother is 5, and DS’s friend is allowed to invite a couple of his own friends. What is the right thing to do about cards and presents?

YANBU at this short notice and given he is going to keep his friend company you do not need to bother to do a present and card for the 5 year old.

YABU A five year old will be disappointed not to get a card/present and turning up empty handed is a really ungracious way to respond to a party invitation. Get down to ASDA pronto.

I'd buy a present. That's pretty standard where I live

Yep, I think turning up empty handed would be off. Get to Asda!

I'd buy a present. You don't have to spend a lot but I wouldn't be able to turn up empty handed.

I think he's invited to a party either way so it's good manners to take a card and small present.

Yes get a present for the 5 year old, it’s a bit rude to turn up to a party empty handed. Doesn’t have to be expensive, a book or small toy will be fine.

Restock the emergency last minute presents cupbaord so you don't have to go to asda next time 😊

Get a card and a packet of sweets!

A card and a gift would be polite, if you can’t be bothered just stick a tenner in a card

Yes, it's the polite and generous thing to do. I'd ask your 11 year old to be in charge of picking gift in the shop and writing the card. It's bigger than a gift, you are instilling good manner in your children. I hope they all have a great party 🥳

I wouldn't expect a present if I invited someone last minute. Last time I invited a friend to keep an older sibling company I made it clear they didn't need to bring a present. My younger child had plenty from his own friends. He didn't expect to get anything from his sister's friend as well. I don't think he even noticed to be honest.

If you have time to go to the shops it would be a nice gesture but I wouldn't feel obligated.

I know in my heart of hearts this is the correct response - just can’t face more faff and another job this weekend! I shall however accept it and march DS to the shop to pick something out, and as you say make him write the card.

Thanks to everyone else who posted. The near unanimous agreement was helpful in strengthening my resolve.

If he was invited well in advance I would agree with this. But OP has only been given a few hours notice. I would never expect anyone to drop everything and rush to the shops to buy my child a present in these circumstances.

Why on earth wold you turn up empty handed ?

which is why it’s wise to have a bag of presents and cards stashed away
for ‘emergencies’
and rushing to the shops means son will not turn up empty handed

Exactly this. I keep a stack of generic birthday cards for this kind of thing and then I'd grab some chocolate or sweets.

He's going to keep his friend from dying of boredom at a younger child's party. A card would be nice, but I don't think anything else is necessary.

Stick some money in a card.

Because the invite was last minute. Yes it would be nice for her son to take something but not essential in these circumstances. I certainly wouldn't expect anything as the host.

When I've been the party host in this situation, the party child's sibling's friend has always brought something even if just a token. A fiver in a card or gift boucher is fine though given you don't know what the younger one is into and how last min it was

Note for future that I learned from my mum - always have a stack of emergency cards in the house.
Then go and pick up some sweets from the petrol station.
Hope your son has a great time!

A bag of sweets a card from petrol station/corner shop/ newsagents would be plenty to be fair. She would swing by on the way.

Try not to over complicated if you have lots on, a 5 year old would be delighted with sweets or one of those magazines with toys on the front!