To worry I’m babying my four year old by going to toddler groups

[longerdaysinspring]

I go because I do actually have a toddler as well but I notice he’s the oldest. Most of my friends only have one child and haven’t gone near the sort of groups we attend for the best part of a year. I guess it isn’t going him any harm but I just wonder about it - how old is too old sort of thing?

Nah you're not doing any harm at all particularly as your have a toddler anyway. He'll be at school in September right? It's just something to do between now and then and I'm sure he enjoys time playing with his sibling in an environment filled with toys. Don't over think it.

If it's just a church hall full of toy, it's really no different to playing with his younger sibling at home, so won't do him any harm. You probably also do activities that are more for his age and the younger one tag's along, it's just the compromise of having siblings.

You could always try switching to another playgroup to see if it has more older children. It won't be doing him any harm though. We have a handful of 4 year olds at my local playgroup. It's probably just luck of the draw.

It’s more activity led; don’t really like church hall type ones.

Trust your instincts.

Presume he does age appropriate activities as well? (Like preschool?)
No harm in him doing something focused at his sibling sometimes

You're overthinking it.

I wouldn’t personally take my 4 year old to toddler groups for their benefit as it will be a bit young for them. However as you have a toddler too could you are going for their benefit so could you do one toddler group and one activity more suitable for your 4 year old

Same situation here @longerdaysinspring . I do an activity class for the toddler (music based one) and the oldest sits in the corner with their Toni player and headphones, snacks and stickers books. Then we do an activity class for older one (dancing) that the little one also just joins in too. Every other week we go to either a church based playgroup (where my eldest is the oldest but they have amazing fancy dress) or a softplay. And the park and library a lot.

I'm aiming for balance across week so that everyone does something and we all get something out of everything we do.

Eldest also goes to preschool a couple of times a week. I don't think there's any harm in letting eldest learn that it's not all about them all the time, either.

As long as there is some time spent on activities age appropriate for dc1, not a problem.

One is an outdoor playgroup which he’s always loved, lots of things for him. But he is the oldest by far and I really noticed it this morning.

He attends preschool four days a week (I work three and on the day I don’t work but he goes I take my younger child to a toddler group.) So I suppose I am overthinking it! I just worry a bit he’s a bit babyish compared to his friends, that have no a younger sibling holds him back, silly I know.

If he is still enjoying it then crack on.

At that age the question really is - is he having a nice time? Is his sibling? Are you?

that’s it really, the rest will sort itself out.

It's a non issue, there is value in spending time with people older and younger than you and as he grows he will get different things out of the same activities if you guide his play a little

For example 18 month old DD used to love rolling a toy car down a slide. I would use basically the same activity in my science lessons and add a stop watch and a ruler and my year 7-9 students would plan a full investigation into motion and would roll the car down the slope to calculate the speed of the car.

People are very eager for their children to grow up when in actual fact there is plenty of value in those activities.

Thanks @HPandthelastwish , that’s a really helpful point you made

We used to go to Music with Mummy when mine were 1 and 4. The group leader was an ex primary teacher and she was really good at involving my older DS, even though the group was officially for younger children. She would let him hand out the instruments, get him to show the little ones how high he could jump, etc. Both my children loved it and I was really grateful to have something we could all do together.

Older DS is in school now and at the very start of Reception, you could tell which ones had older siblings as they had slightly more grown up interests and maybe a bit more confidence, but I'd say it's evened out now.