To expect them to “ask” first?

[Reallyneedsaholiday]

Long story short, I live with adult DC (plus a younger DC), and walked out of the bathroom at 1am, in my onesie to see two men I know through work in the hallway. My adult son had invited them round, after a few drinks, for a gaming session.
I’ve never been so embarrassed.
YABU - it’s his home as well, he should be able to bring anyone back to the house, whenever he wants, with no concern for anyone else’s comfort.
YANBU - he should have at least messaged to say that he was bringing people back with them. I don’t think I’ve ever said “no”, but like to be given the opportunity to make myself scarce and retreat to my bedroom first.

I’m prepared to be told I was BU and grumpy because my younger daughter was sick (hence why I was still up), I’m exhausted and have a long (13 hr) work shift today and they were gaming loudly in the room directly under my bedroom, keeping me awake.

I don’t think it matters whether he pays rent or not, it’s common courtesy to let you know.

When I flat shared with my best friend through our 20s, we’d always let each other know if we were having someone round for tea or whatever. Or if bringing a guy home after a night out we’d send a text just as a bit of a heads up etc.

I do think the issue of him bringing people round in the middle of the night and keeping you awake gaming needs to be addressed, that’s not on.

I don’t think anybody should be keeping anyone else awake in a house. My children both lived at home for a very short while after Uni. They would not have brought anyone home after our bed time.

YANBU, he should give you a heads up.

But in terms of embarrassment...if I were a grown man who accidentally went back to a colleagues house at 1am for a gaming session, I feel like I would be WAY more embarrassed than the colleague .

Not “colleagues”, but regular clients/ customers. They do know he is my son.

I don't see the relevance of whether he is paying commercial rent, or housekeeping, or nothing at all whilst saving to move out. It is his home, the same as the OP's.

I wouldn't expect my (adult) dc to necessarily forewarn me of bringing someone round, as, once undressed, I'd be upstairs and not going to bump into them anyway. Same as if I asked someone back when my dc were home.

I do think though, that everyone living n a house with other people needs to be considerate of making noise in the house when they are aware others are trying to sleep. That is the part that I would be annoyed about.

I don't think rent has anything to do with it, they aren't housemates, it's the OP's house and she can set the rules.

I would not be ok with late night/overnight guests without previous discussion

Adult DD will always let me know if she's bringing her boyfriend or a friend home. No rules on who or when, as long as I know they're there, and there's no noise after 9pm.

Of course he should have asked out of respect to you, his mother.

This. If he wants to do this kind of thing, he should get his own place. It shows a lack of awareness and a lack of respect to you too. You shouldn't be placed in this kind of situation in your own home.

This. What on earth was he thinking?

Sorry but he's not the homeowner. He should always plan ahead and ask before hosting.

I don’t think they’ve done anything wrong except been a bit thoughtless

if it’s never been discussed then he’s just not thought and presumed

I wouldn’t make a big deal I just tell him to message in future

If you would let your some know if you had invited people to the house, then he should do the same, but I don't really see a problem if they weren't being really raucous and disturbing you. But Why would you be embarrassed at someone seeing you in a onesie?

Don't be ridiculous.
There is no reason why my adult son couldn't ask a friend, or friends home because he has a younger sibling.
What an odd way of thinking you have.