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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blame school, child or both?

43 replies

skyfirechesnut · 01/02/2025 08:00

On a class WhatsApp group a parent hs complained that their secondary age child has been allowed to buy 4 cakes?

They say the school has a duty of care and it shouldn't be allowed as policy is that they have to have a main and a dessert.

Said child had joined the queue at different times which the parent had said was ' clever' but they were still annoyed that he was allowed to do this and had complained to the
school.

Most replies were it is on the child, its a huge school and they were in fact sneaky.

Parent is adamant though that the child should not be to blame,as its the school's responsibility as a duty of care as they have healthy eating government guidelines.

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 01/02/2025 08:01

By secondary that's on the kid. It's impossible to monitor every child's food intake, especially at multiple queue points like there are at secondary.

DustyLee123 · 01/02/2025 08:02

Of course it’s the kid’s fault. They weren’t clever, they were devious.

GretchenWienersHair · 01/02/2025 08:03

Definitely the child. There are hundreds (sometimes thousands) of children in secondary schools. Catering staff cannot possibly monitor who has already bought what.

CaptainCaaaavemaan · 01/02/2025 08:06

I suppose the payment system could stop them buying four cakes if it's capable of being programmed to do so but then people would complain that their child was denied four cakes.

TwentyTwentyFive · 01/02/2025 08:06

How can it not be the child's fault. Is she honestly expecting catering staff to remember not only the hundreds/thousands of students but also what they've ordered?

Her child is 11 or 12 and plenty old enough to take responsibility for his own actions.

JessiesJ99 · 01/02/2025 08:10

I think the thing is to try and educate them on healthy eating before they start secondary as by that point they can make their own decisions.

Buying one cake or biscuit a day is fine as far as I'm concerned, but 4?!

If the child can't be trusted to make better choices, I would refuse to put money on their account and send them in with a packed lunch.

Definitely not the schools fault!

Original poster
skyfirechesnut · 01/02/2025 08:16

DustyLee123 · 01/02/2025 08:02

Of course it’s the kid’s fault. They weren’t clever, they were devious.

I totally agree. The parent became quite nasty and doubles down on her opinion. Saying how dare we comment on her sons behaviour.

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 01/02/2025 08:19

In my experience of similar aged children starting secondary school, many children go a little overboard at the beginning of year 7 with the freedom of choosing their own food.

It's part of gaining independence.

We spoke to our child about not for example having pizza at break and a burger at lunch and he stopped!

Now in year 9 he makes much better choices that we monitor.

KittenPause · 01/02/2025 08:30

Ha ha what a ridiculous woman of course it's her DS fault

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/02/2025 08:30

100% the child.

VodkaCola · 01/02/2025 08:31

CaptainCaaaavemaan · 01/02/2025 08:06

I suppose the payment system could stop them buying four cakes if it's capable of being programmed to do so but then people would complain that their child was denied four cakes.

Absolutely this.

KittenPause · 01/02/2025 08:32

My DC ate utter crap because they could at secondary school in Yr 7 mainly

They calmed down a bit after that

I was more annoyed at them buying flavoured instead of just filling up their water bottles but of course the water tasted rank apparently and the queues were long

KittenPause · 01/02/2025 08:33

Flavoured water

wafflesmgee · 01/02/2025 08:34

Obviously the child’s fault. Secondary school is about teaching independence for children, buying lunch is part of this.
my friend ate one portion of chips and saved the rest of her lunch money for beer for most of secondary school😃

ThejoyofNC · 01/02/2025 08:35

As usual, the school gets the blame because someone did a shit job parenting.

crumblingschools · 01/02/2025 08:35

Maybe this is the parent’s way of parenting, blame someone else, rather than child or them!

ManchesterPie · 01/02/2025 08:37

Totally on the child and the poor parenting.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 01/02/2025 08:38

skyfirechesnut · 01/02/2025 08:16

I totally agree. The parent became quite nasty and doubles down on her opinion. Saying how dare we comment on her sons behaviour.

Show quote history

Well this type of behaviour just explains why the child is so greedy, and didn’t care or think about the consequences of having had four cakes.

converseandjeans · 01/02/2025 08:41

This is another example of everything being recorded - in the 80s kids would get given lunch money & nobody had a clue what they did with it. I imagine some kids spent it all on sweets or fags!

They are being unreasonable. The lunch staff can't possibly monitor that especially if they are queuing up more than once. It’s up to them to speak to their child. But it's bonkers to post on class WhatsApp.

bakebeans · 01/02/2025 09:03

Oh FFS! This is an example of what is wrong in society. What an absolute idiot!

BlueSilverCats · 01/02/2025 09:16

It's on the kid and the parent for not establishing ground rules/healthy eating habits.

DD sometimes gets popcorn and a juice for lunch because the stuff she likes is gone and she doesn't want to wait. I could technically complain that the school doesn't provide enough food at all times, but at the end of the day it's DD's choice to not wait and waste her lunch. Her fussiness is also her/our problem. If it really bothered me I'd tell her she's not allowed to do it or she must get x or she's packed lunch every day from now on and just not have money in her account.

SoupDragon · 01/02/2025 09:19

It's all on the child.

If you want your child to make better food decisions you need to teach them to do so or send them with a packed lunch to make sure they can't buy 4 cakes (assuming it's a cashless system).

cansu · 01/02/2025 09:20

Parent is bonkers. The child is not 4 fgs.

SoupDragon · 01/02/2025 09:20

in the 80s kids would get given lunch money & nobody had a clue what they did with it. I imagine some kids spent it all on sweets or fags!

I used to buy the cheapest cheese roll and spend the rest in the corner shop on magazines/snacks/stationery

HellofromJohnCraven · 01/02/2025 09:23

Surely the response to said child is
" I do not put money on your account for you to eat 4 cakes for lunch. Do it again and you'll be taking a packed lunch for the term"
Problem solved.

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