Fed up of lazy MIL always expecting DC to visit her

[mommyza]

I have three children with the youngest one being a year old.
MIL has never visited us in our home since ever.
She is lazy and just sits in the house all day watching TV and barely leaves the house.

We have recently moved an hour and a half away and now DH wants to drag the kids to visit her.

My issue is that our youngest isn't drinking much water and he is still relying on 2/3 bottles a day while he comes of the Neocate.

I am not comfortable that DH will be able to feed DC and ensue he has adequate fluids as he is pretty useless as I do 99.9 of the childcare as I am a SAHM.

Youngest DC does BLW but some stuff he will only feee from me as on the rare occasions when DH tries to feed him he doesn't eat and when I take over he eats.

I have asked DH why can't MIL visit us instead for once?
Oldest one is 11 and hates going as she would rather play with her cousins who are a similar age, and MIL never buys Xmas or birthday presents for the kids either (I always buy MIL something from the kids)

There is no effort there at all, I feel DH does this more for him than the kids.

I really want to put my foot down with his as I am really not happy for my youngest DC to be gone for 5/6 hours when he as feeding/ drinking issues.

AIBU?

I don't even know why the MIL is on your plate given you've had three kids with a man who is co oketely useless at raising his own children.

Your anger and frustration is going to the wrong person.

I think that if DH wants to visit his mum it’s up to him, and it’s nice to teach your older children to visit older relatives once in a while.

100% keep your youngest home for now though, and tell DH that his mother is welcome to visit if she wants to see youngest.

She sounds ill

But your dh should be finding a way to make all this easy for you

But also this!

DH visits, youngest stays with you, eldest and middle DC get to choose if they want to go or not.

I don't have a problem with DH visiting his mum it's just the issue with the youngest which really bothers me.

He wasn't eating properly and turned out he had some inflammation in his ears and was prescribed ear drops,l by the GP -I don't think it's right dragging him all that way when he hasn't been feeling the best.

I am in the process of trying to leave DH as he is useless and I have told him for
years he needs to sort himself out.
I'm pretty much a single parent anyway.

MIL has Type 2 Diabetes but other than that she is well.
She has been like this for years, never once visited us in our home.

Who cares. Decide what you want and are comfortable with. How brilliant that your OH wants his mum in his and his kids life.

Are you going to leave him btw?

I'm pretty much a single parent anyway

No you aren't.

@echt yes I really am.
I do everything for the kids, I am the one who wakes up with them, cooks for them, washes clothes, keeps house clean, pays for all the shopping, buy them things they need.
DH gives me £100 a week which has to cover food, bills and what the kids need.

I can't remember a time when DH even turned the washing machine on and did some clothes washing.
He is pretty useless and years later asks me "how do you do this"?

I have no time for myself at all, it's been 5/6 year since I even went out with friends, he is selfish and lazy.

The only time I get to myself was when DH would take the kids to MIL but even in that time all I would do is sleep as I would be too exhausted to do anything else.

It would be good if she would be willing to be the one to travel sometimes because it's annoying that it's all on you with young kids, but the far bigger problem that your husband isn't able to take care of his own child.

@Eenameenadeeka
Yes everything is on me.
When he takes youngest DC I'm the one who has to get the travel bag all ready, ensure there are enough nappies/wipes, prepare food etc DH does nothing.

I feel as if she should make some effort as to visit at least once.
When the kids were born she didn't even bother to come to the hospital, we had to take all the kids to see her.
She is selfish and lazy just like her son.

Your MIL doesn't sound lazy, she sounds ill. It sounds like she has agoraphobia or some other mental illness that prevents her from living her life.

She clearly isn't able to visit you so it's good that your husband wants to take the children to her. Surely you let him take them? How will he learn to care for his children if he doesn't have to do it? Unless you'll be stuck with an upset baby for 24 hours after he comes back I'd let him take them and enjoy some time to myself. Do you insist that he doesn't things for the children when he's at home? If not, why not?

And kindly... you're not like a single parent. You may currently do all the childcare but you don't have to work full time and support yourself financially.

Your title is all about your MIL, but who knows why she isn’t visiting. Anyway , your continuous posts make it clear your husband is totally useless . That’s more of your issue . Stop doing everything and let him do things . But you’ve said you are in the process of trying to leave him , so then it won’t matter . He can take them to his mums on his own time with the kids then .

I'd let him take all the kids and have a day off. Doesn't sound like they'll be away for ages, so if there's any shortfall in the youngest's care when he/she's away with dad, you can sort it when they return home.

Surely it would be a good thing if your youngest would take food/drink from your DH
I don’t think you can stop your DH visiting his mother
I visited my DP all the time when my DC were small and would have been furious if my DH had tried to stop me

I’d keep your youngest home. Encourage your 11 yo to visit every so often. Sleep when your baby sleeps.

Tell him to go alone and stay there while he's at it.

Obviously the problem here is more with your H than your MIL. However, in terms of visiting, why not let him take the older two and keep the youngest at home with you for the reasons you've given?