I’m Scared of going to court for a non molestation order incase it’s not granted

[Kands1983]

Hi ladies, I have after many years plucked up the courage to apply for a non molestation order against my husband. Throughout the marriage he was very controlling and he’s a narcissist. Since we split 4 years ago he has constantly stalked me online sending me screenshots of me online dating and threatening me with not paying the mortgage incase I bs e anyone in the house, he pays the mortgage as firm of maintenance. Everyone he has a girlfriend he gets nasty, threatening me with going to solicitors for divorce and taking me to court as he knows I can’t afford the financials and tries manipulating my children. Then when the relationship ends it comes back to harassment again and will keep touching me, long story short he’s now seeing someone and although he’s gone quiet he’s now manipulating the children and dating that my daughters have said they want to live with him. My daughters said it was him and his mum that keep asking snd he only wants it because he thinks it will force the sale of the family home in the divorce if he can have them. He’s also been threatening me with court on the parking spp snd talking about the divorce when I told him not to and not to intimidate me. I’m scared of going to court in case it’s not granted and he takes the kids and won’t return the kids. I have witness statements and his his behaviour goes in cycles and how even though he isn’t making much noise at the moment the threat of court and trying to intimidate me with the fact he intimidates me in person scares me as I can’t keep him out of the marital home. Has anyone had it that they got a non moleststion order with witness statements only? I did bite bs k on the last message to him saying don’t intimidate me and that’s not what the apps for and that I know what I’m entitled to will that go against me?

You can apply for an ex-parte order which is where the order is granted without notice being given to the respondent, however this is only in certain circumstances. Once granted the respondent will then be given an opportunity to contest the order in Court.

I would recommend you seek legal advice from a family lawyer who can advise whether such an application would be successful. They may also be able to submit the application on your behalf and represent you in Court.

Good luck x

I tried to get an ex parte non mol order with witness statements. It was not granted that day and the judge wanted a hearing with ex the following week.
I withdrew (and completely fell apart emotionally). I felt let down and knew if he found out it would fuel his belief he was right etc.
It was very expensive, quite traumatic and I wish I'd never done it.

This seems quite complex OP. If I understand you correctly, you've separated and are living with the children in the marital home.

Stalking and harassment are crimes and the police should be involved. The best way forward is to divorce, divide the marital assets and keep him out of your home.

Has he threatened to take the children? You can apply yourself for a non Molestation Order and an Occupation Order to keep him out of the house. There's no charge involved.

Do you have evidence of the stalking and harassment? By evidence I mean phone messages,texts, witnesses, police reports or doorbell evidence. Have you been in contact with a domestic abuse organisation or contacted the National Stalking Helpline?

Why haven't you divorced?

From what you've said here, it doesn't sound likely that you'd be granted an ex parte non mol; the court has to believe you're at immediate risk of danger for that to happen. You can apply for a with notice non mol where the respondent will be notified of the hearing and invited to apply.

You should include as much evidence of recent harassment as possible. If the respondent attends court then he may be asked if he is prepared to sign undertakings to stop harassing you, instead of the non mol being granted. If the respondent doesn't attend court then the non mol can be granted in his absence.

I agree with Queen of Toast.
There has to be a threat of harm for a Non Molestation order to be made without a hearing that involves him. You mention witness statements, are they Police statements?

The NCDV gave me some advice in a similar circumstance.

I didn't get the non-mol in round 1 and we had a short hearing with my ex present. The judge wanted half a day hearing and also made it sound like we should be sorting ourselves out.

My ex was continually coming over to me at the school gate, making false allegations to formal bodies and forever harrassing me in the parenting app.

I used the app to get his agreement that he would behave if i pulled out of court. I'm not sure whether or not I did the right thing. The courts seem weak to me.

A local domestic abuse charity has been ace and I've stayed on top of police logs via 101, mostly logging online.

Hi, not sure if you have already gone down the route of a non-molestation order or not. I have gone through a similar situation with an ex partner who I share 2 kids with and the coercive control and harassment could give you grounds to get an order granted ex parte due to the risk of harassment, intimidation or control that could happen if they are informed beforehand. Speak to NCDV and they can point you in the right direction and were a life saver for me. Good Luck with everything