To be furious at headteacher?

[paradisecityx]

Hey.
My daughter is in year 4, she is 7 years old and has IBD (ulcerative colitis). This is an autoimmune condition that will be with her for life, unfortunately.
She was diagnosed at 3 years of age and it has recently flared badly and her meds she was previously on aren't controlling it anymore.
She is now taking a medication that's a complete immunosuppressant.
This obviously concerns me with her attending school but we're trying to keep life normal as can be for her.

I spoke to her head this morning and asked if I could send in some hand gel & some hospital grade wipes for her desk and chair, that my daughter can use to wipe down her working area just to try** and minimise her chances of catching illnesses back to back.
Her head teachers response was "well kids touch everything so there's not any point, but if it will psychologically make you both feel better then yes as a lot of it is in the mind'

AIBU to be absolutely pissed at this? I'm trying to decide how to deal with this as in my opinion, it's completely unacceptable and cunty. My daughter is on a medication that's used for chemotherapy to try and save her bowels and that's pretty much explain how little her headteacher understands (or cares for) her condition. I was tempted to email (they have 2 headteachers over the federation) the other and see what they think of this, but don't know how to go about it.

I don't know what to write either but that was so rude - definitely write something OP

Gosh, poor DD - so young. I'd be really pissed off, too OP. The head came across as very dismissive.

'A lot of it's in the mind'?! What an ignorant twat!!

The Head's reply does seem very dismissive and rude OP. However, I really don't think that there is any way that you're going to protect your child in a school environment, which is possible what the head was thinking. I know you want to keep things as 'normal' as possible, but wouldn't it be better and safer for your child to be home schooled? Please understand that I am not aiming to criticise, but really worried for your child in an environment like that.

I think I would have to email the head you spoke to just to confirm the meeting but explaining it's a physical not psychological condition she has. I'm so mad on your behalf how fucking dismissive of her.

That’s awful. I’m so sorry. They bang on about attendance but then don’t actually want to do anything to try and stop everyone getting ill every two minutes.

I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this at such a young age.

Send the dickheadteacher this link

Not sure if the school has seen this either Supporting students

First link didn't work for some reason

It does sound dismissive, but maybe the HT was trying(clumsily) to point out that your dd , and all the other children, will be touching things around the school all the time, door handles, toilets, chairs, pe equipment , taps, paintbrushes, laptops, etc etc so that while sanitising her immediate work area is a good idea, there are a thousands of other items around the school that are potential contaminants, and she can’t clean all of them. It is not like Covid when children kept to a specific area to avoid infection.

it must be a hard road for your dd, she has my sympathy, but do be careful you don’t allow your understandable anxiety make her fearful of the world .

That's a worrying statement. As if she doesn't believe in medical science? And that good hygiene prevents the transfer to germs and illnesses?

It's also rude and insensitive. She could've just said 'its tricky in school as the kids do touch everything. But of course bring in wipes and sanitizer.' Then explain any hygeine measures they already have in place.

Being immunosuppressed isn't 'in the mind'. Does she think the AIDS epidemic was due to a load of people having mental dillusion?

Definitely say something to the governors and wider management.

I think the headteacher is right in that I don't think this will make much/any difference in terms of her getting ill.

However, the way it was phrased was unacceptable. I wonder if he is frankly a bit dim and is confusing it with IBS, and is therefore thinking there's a stress element involved (and is maybe someone who dismisses things like IBS anyway).

Having been on Infliximab in the past, you get used to using hand sanitizer constantly; so would use it for these situations
will be touching things around the school all the time, door handles, toilets, chairs, pe equipment , taps, paintbrushes, laptops, etc

I’d be furious op.
I’m immunocompromised but fortunate enough to be retired so I can minimise contact with people. I use a lot of hand gel.

It’s not psychological it’s a fact that if your white bloods cells are not working properly then you can’t fight infection very well.

When my dn had acute lymphocytic leukaemia he wasn’t even allowed take out food.

The head should be advised by you in this situation. You have the knowledge here.

Is there a nurse involved that might be able to deliver a training session on colitis, autoimmune issues and/or infection control to school personnel? They're often quite happy to do things like this that help support kids stay well and access their education as easily as possible.

I often eye roll at parents criticism of teachers /headteachers but I think this HT is appalling. One who clearly thinks as a HT they know everything and can patronise the lesser mortals around them.

The HT worded that really badly BUT YABU. Hand sanitiser and wipes are not going to keep your child safe from germs in schools. She'll be much safer home educated. Home education is perfectly normal in the UK, and she'll have a lovely life being home educated, and much safer being away from the relentless illnesses that get passed around schools continually.

ETA I'd also be concerned with over-use of hand sanitiser. Our skin is our largest organ, it absorbs all of the ingredients of it and studies have shown the negative impact it can have.

"a lot of it is in the mind" isn't clumsy it's completely dismissive!
And frankly, the DD has more risks to navigate than most people so will be more aware of additional hazards in the world, which isn't the same as being fearful or anxious.

If the headteacher was supportive then they would already have sourced medical grade wipes and be wiping down not only the desk and chair but other frequent touch point in the classroom and school. I'd also expect DD to have designated equipment for things like paintbrushes and pens (especially if they are things other children might put in their mouths).

It's a shockingly bad response.

I would 100% write a complaint about this. Sorry OP sounds like your dealing with a lot ❤️

I think you should email the head and attach a leaflet about your daughter’s condition. It will be difficult to avoid her picking up germs, but the response to your request was unnecessary dismissive and it would be useful for the staff at school to understand why she’s using wipes and gel.

If there is no proper response, I’d contact the chair of governors, to express concern about the tone used by the head.

"Her head teachers response was "well kids touch everything so there's not any point, but if it will psychologically make you both feel better then yes as a lot of it is in the mind'"

Those actual words were hurtful and were definately wrong. However I do wonder if the head was trying to be practical in thinking of the implications of your idea. I mean you say "some hand gel & some hospital grade wipes for her desk and chair".

In reality wiping down the ONE part of the school that is LEAST likely to have been touched by another child is unlikely to improve her health. The head's mind was probably worried that your next request was going to be that the toilet is sterilised before your child goes, the PE equipment is sterilised before she uses it, the chairs or floor in the hall is sterilised before assembly, the playground equipment is sterilised before she plays. In reality the logistics of this would be impossible... although it would likely make much more difference than sterilising her work area.

My DS was taking immune suppressants and I told the school it was vital that they told me of someone in his class had chickenpox or other contagious diseases.

They didn’t and shrugged it off when I asked why not - they really didn’t seem to understand the impact of the drugs DS was taking.

To be fair she does have a point but it's a very rude way of putting it....

Have you arranged a meeting and agreed a health care plan?
This can go in it
Put in writing

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a75090f40f0b6360e472d23/Supporting_pupils_with_medical_conditions_-_templates.docx

The teacher has a small amount of justification in pointing out that kids touch everything, and therefore sanitising your DD's immediate area won't change much in terms of infection risk. HOWEVER, that message is incredibly dismissive and rude, and also suggests that the Headteacher doesn't understand what IBD is. Probably thinks it's IBS...which isn't 'all in the mind' either, but isn't the same as the much more serious IBD. What an idiot.
My son has ulcerative colitis. His school sent me a letter because his attendance dropped to 96%, and they aim for 97%. This was after I had informed them fully of his condition and sent in info from his consultant and the CICRA information for schools. I'm afraid I did send a rather angry email quoting the stats of UC patients who end up needing to have their bowel removed.I'm a bit ashamed now; I could have been more gracious, but I was so annoyed that they thought I would deliberately keep my child off school if he was well enough to go. However, I did get a full apology and they never moaned again. How well do you know your daughter's IBD nurses? Would they send a sternly worded email to school to confirm the fact that IBD is most certainly not 'all in the mind'?

As others have said, ill-phrased, but if she's around the same 25 kids all day every day and one of them is infected, wiping down tables probably isn't going to help. (I don't know if I'd trust a 7-year-old to do a good job of wiping her desk anyway, or to consistently remember to do it without reminders.)