Mansplaining !!!!

[DogsandDungarees]

Hi i don't think I a being unreasonable but I just need advice as I’ve often been made to feel unreasonable !

30 something female in a managerial position sick of being mansplained by junior or level male colleagues!

Does anyone know any good books regarding managing misogyny or mansplaining in a workplace setting !!

Just so sick of being talked down to, dismissed or overly sexual comments ( not banter for the record e.g “ You are sexy as hell I would , what’s your bedroom kink”.

Would love a good book with advice or quick verbal remedies !!

I can’t help with books, but the sexual harassment is a bigger issue than the mansplaining. Get that tackled first - talk to HR. You shouldn’t have to tolerate that.

You don't need a book. You are their superior they are your subordinates. Tell them so and pull them up every time they try to mansplain.
Sexual harassment needs to be reported to HR so, again, I don't think you need a book to know that. It's in your workplace policy.

You're being harassed and sexually harassed at work by coworkers.

Time to take it to HR. The sexual harassment needs to be addressed immediately and so does the harassment in the form of coworkers explaining your own job to you. Your workplace sounds really misogynistic.

30 years ago I was working in a chocolate factory. Heavy pregnant as it happens. A young man, first day, sat on the packing halt next to me. The first words out of his mouth were "where's the most unusual place you've had sex?".
I told the Line Leader. He told HR. Youth was immediately sacked.
That was 30 years ago. Your HR will sort this.

Get this made into a business card. Hand it out each time:

And the sexual harassment? Email it, word for word, to HR. Every time.

Never mind a book: you need HR. That’s textbook sexual harassment. Do you have proof of this?

this

Ffs. THIS

Your comment is unacceptable, I view it as sexual harassment. Don't do it again.

You're a manager, why do you need a book instead of reporting them to HR??

If you were managing a female colleague who was being treated like this, would you speak up to HR on her behalf or send her on a trip to the library?

You're definitely not being unreasonable. It's frustrating and exhausting to deal with!!

For books, you might find -Feminist Fight Club by Jessica Bennett helpful- I've not read it but I've heard it's pretty good.

As for quick responses, maybe something like, -I appreciate your input, but I've got this covered or - Let's keep the conversation professional. Asking someone to repeat what they've said can be disarming, especially if you get your note pad out at the same time to make notes.

Do you have HR you can talk to? I'd keep a diary in case it escalates to a level you feel you can't handle/need support with.

Managers can be sexually harassed too (and not sure how to respond)-anyone can.

It's easy to give advice to others but acting on something for yourself can be really tough.

Managers can be sexually harassed too

Well yes, of course they can. Why are you stating the complete obvious? 😳

And they, just like all the other staff should know how to report to HR, instead of reading books and asking for snappy comebacks.

“You are sexy as hell I would , what’s your bedroom kink”.

This has gone way past book reading and asking the internet for ideas on how to reply.

You need zero tolerance. Next time they do this you need to be very firm and direct. The mansplaining "I need to stop you there Gavin. I know this already and we need to move on." The sexual comments "Im not prepared to accept sexual harassment. One more comment of that nature and I will be instigating the disciplinary process / submitting a grievance against you" (depending on whether you're their boss or not)

I agree, but it can be really tough for people, especially women, to report it.

Even once reported, it doesn't mean the OP will be treated fairly, so I understand her reluctance.

Books can be useful if you feel stuck and don't know what to do. Seeking help and advice on this forum is a great step, and I hope it leads to the OP making a report.

You are sexy as hell I would , what’s your bedroom kink”

Mansplaining is the least of your worries if you're having to deal with this sort of harassment. That's not even low-level stuff. You really need to report that sort of thing.

This

May I recommend this:

www.amazon.co.uk/There-Psycho-your-Life-psychologist/dp/1444714287

Just ask them to either explain their ‘joke’ or why they think what they’re saying is appropriate. Every. Single. Time. They’ll soon get bored of being made to look stupid, sexist and well basically like the twats they are.

I think these are excellent suggestions.

You should practice saying them at home. I know that might sound daft but the more you repeat assertive phrases the more natural and authoritative they come out. No need to aim for an "I'm the boss tone" the words, calmly and confidently expressed will do what you need them to. When you have to use them stand or sit up straight and make eye contact with the person you are saying it to. It doesn't need to be confrontational but you are looking to project confidence.

With the sexual harassment I would say that's grossly inappropriate and I'm happy to refer the matter to HR if you don't understand why.

Once you've started but these arseholes back in their box it will get easier.

Thank you, I know I should. Though I would fear repercussions for sure, as I have a friend who went this route and is still struggling with PTSD on how it was handled.

Someone I barely know at work put his hands down the back of my dress once and I shouted at him and he quickly got defended that “ he’s harmless !!!”.

I’m trying to use snap back comments, again I know I shouldn’t have to do this but I have changed my look to a more masculine one and when it got brought up I said “ well I put my time and effort into my work and not how other view me” ect.

I just want the same respect that my male colleagues receive.

This is so true I am the biggest advocate for others and have supported others with this.

I honestly don’t really have a answer.

Make a record of everything. Join a union too.

When HR don't do a proper job you'll be on a firmer footing to sue them.

Which you should if they allow things like this to continue.

Thank you this was really useful

Thank you this is perfect