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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My toddler is preventing baby from walking

50 replies

walkbabywalk · 31/01/2025 08:33

Every time my 15 month old stands up and starts walking around the furniture (he can't walk without holding on to something) my almost 3 year old goes over to him and tries to pull him down, or hugs and kisses him until dc2 sits on the floor and cries, when dc1 isn't around I hold him by the hands and walk with him all around the house and then only hold one of his hands so he walks next to me, but when dc1 is there he won't leave him in peace to walk, he is almost 16 months and dc1 started walking at 11 months so I'm starting to think he is preventing him from walking

OP posts:
ZoeSed · 31/01/2025 09:37

My mum said my little brother just rolled or bum shuffled until he was nearly two because he would point at something and I would get it for him or he'd just roll to it lol 😆

pinkstripeycat · 31/01/2025 09:43

You could tell DC1 to help DC 2 to walk and keep saying “aren’t you good helping your brother. Help him.”

My DC are 12 months apart in age and DS1 always did this to DS2. DS1 would run in the room and DS2 would slowly sink to the floor so he didn’t get pushed over. When we were out walking DS1 would push his brother over.

Just be there and tell eldest no. They don’t really listen but they get over it. Both late teens DC are now ultra runners so DS2 wasn’t stopped from walking or running. It didn’t take him longer to learn to walk either

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 31/01/2025 09:51

Isn’t this literally why you put the older child into a preschool setting so the younger child gets a chance to experience life with mummy alone sometimes. I know when I had two children I was very keen for both of them to have experienced the same childhood and so I had to get the older one out the way for some of the day.

Everybodywantstoruletheworld2025 · 31/01/2025 10:01

Your parenting of your 3 year old is preventing your younger DC from walking!

Blaming your 3 year old is wrong on so many levels.

Dramatic · 31/01/2025 10:03

I'm so baffled by this, tell your 3 year old off and physically remove him if you have to. Why is this even a question.

OssieShowman · 31/01/2025 10:04

Encourage the toddler to “help” little one to walk. What a good big brother he is, helping, etc.

It might be attention seeking as little one is getting lots of attention at the moment.

LBFseBrom · 31/01/2025 10:08

Your three year old wants your baby to be a baby sibling forever, it's sweet in a way. Just tell him that a big brother helps a little one to do things and stop him from preventing the baby from walking. It won't last, don't worry, the little one will soon be walking properly.

TommyTupence · 31/01/2025 10:09

You need to teach him consequences if he keeps doing it tell him what the consequence will be and follow it through.

Sprogonthetyne · 31/01/2025 10:10

My eldest didn't walk until later then that and my second way walking at 9 months (wanted to keep up with big brother), it could just be a coincidence and your 2nd would have been a later walker anyway. At this stage he's easily within the normal range, so I wouldn't worry.

user2848502016 · 31/01/2025 10:12

Can you involve your 3 year old in helping his brother to walk? Hold one hand each and both of you walk the toddler around? Or get your 3 year old to encourage the toddler to walk towards him.

sashh · 31/01/2025 10:13

walkbabywalk · 31/01/2025 08:43

I do tell him off for it but he just doesn't listen, he thinks it's hilarious and I've tried to distract him and tell him to leave him alone but he's also always wanting to help, he tries to hold his hand to help him walk, he's always wanting to get involved with everything

So why don't you walk with one child holding one hand and the other holding the other hand? Tell your older one what a good big brother he is helping you teach little one to walk.

Discombobble · 31/01/2025 10:15

So stop him

BertieBotts · 31/01/2025 10:21

I don't think that he will be able to prevent the baby from learning to walk, don't worry!

But I do agree that it's important to physically move the 3yo away or hold him (gently but firmly so he can't wriggle out) far enough away to give the baby space, rather than just talking to him. Or you can do something like time out in a playpen, but I don't think it necessarily needs to be a huge thing. Just take him away and involve him in something else.

Or another thing to do is try to figure out what the 3yo is trying to do - is he wanting to help his brother walk? If so you can redirect into something helpful like suggesting that he fetches a walker for the baby (like the VTech one or a weighted wooden one which won't tip up). Or show 3yo a game where you both stand/kneel at one end of the sofa and encourage baby to come to you while holding onto the sofa, and then do different "challenges". Or get 3yo to build some towers for the baby to knock down.

Is he wanting the baby to get out of the way? You could teach him "excuse me" and show him how to walk around carefully.

Is he wanting baby to sit down because that's how he's played with him so far? You could encourage him to set up a game and then wait for the baby to come over and play. My middle one has always struggled with waiting and one thing which has helped is to get some sand timers from amazon and I pick a time which I think is a reasonable length of time to wait (usually just 1 or 3 minutes for that kind of thing, maybe 10 minutes if he was waiting for the baby to finish with a toy) - it just helps them visualise the time. But he has needed me to be very physically present to help him wait which might have meant holding him back before he just ran to get whatever it was he wanted. While you are waiting, you could talk about the stages of learning to walk. Maybe also look for some TV programmes or books about a younger sibling learning to walk - I expect there are lots with different characters where there is a sibling relationship. For example, Daniel Tiger is usually good for sibling stuff, especially since Baby Margaret is that much younger, Peppa Pig is also popular in our house and Bluey - though the younger siblings in those programmes can already walk, so you might need to search for one where it's more retrospective. Wonderblocks on BBC is a new favourite of ours as well because it has a lot of "Stop, wait, think" and talking about things happening in the right order, otherwise they don't work. Alfie and Annie Rose I think there is a book where Annie Rose is learning to walk as well. I know there's one where she learns to talk and says Alfie's friend's name before Alfie's and he is upset about it, but it doesn't take long before she starts talking more.

Does the 3yo go to nursery/preschool? Baby should get some time and space on their own then. Something which I wish I'd realised is the importance of carving out space for each child when they are close in age like this, so e.g. at the weekends when your partner is home, one of you should take one out for an outing on their own, then the next weekend you swap, so each child gets one-on-one time, both at home and out and about, with each parent. And make sure to identify potential same-age playmates and invite them over to play so that they have other children to play with rather than only ever playing with each other, and have some experience of not always being the centre of each others' attention. I thought it was great my two youngest are best friends, and I do think it's nice they have that bond, but I hadn't realised how dependent they are on each other until recently (they are 3 and 6 now), and I was reading recently that when they only ever play with each other, it can make it more difficult for them to learn social lessons about how if you're mean to people or hurt them, even accidentally, they might not want to play with you in the future. Siblings don't have that option, they are always still there and will play with you anyway.

Lockdowns prevented us having many playdates when they were little, and we didn't get into the habit of it but looking to change that now.

1AngelicFruitCake · 31/01/2025 10:24

He sounds jealous (understandable) but he's got to learn to manage that.

Notgivenuphope · 31/01/2025 10:25

Sounds like it’s high time the older child was in daycare

BeLilacSloth · 31/01/2025 10:41

Put them in separate rooms for a bit? I’m sure 3 year old can play by himself for a little bit, while baby learns to walk.

Ceecee2422 · 31/01/2025 10:48

Get one of those gated pen things for the 3 year old, he can’t pull the baby down if he cannot get to him……

Worldinyourhands · 31/01/2025 11:05

I'm befuddled as to why you wouldn't just tell the 3 year old no and move him away. And if he does it again, you move him away for longer. Repeat until he learns that he needs to listen to you and it's not 'hilarious' just to ignore you and interfere with someone else's body and choices.

Onlyvisiting · 31/01/2025 11:09

Maybe try along with the ' you need to help me teach him', you holding baby's hand and either 3yo on your other hand, ir if he promises to be very careful he can hold baby's other hand and help him walk?
But ultimately, stop him. You are bigger than a 3year old, physically intervene and prevent him grabbing the baby. Hold him back/move him away or whatever.

housethatbuiltme · 31/01/2025 11:30

walkbabywalk · 31/01/2025 08:43

I do tell him off for it but he just doesn't listen, he thinks it's hilarious and I've tried to distract him and tell him to leave him alone but he's also always wanting to help, he tries to hold his hand to help him walk, he's always wanting to get involved with everything

You are the parent, he is just 3 year old (not like a 200lb melting down autistic 17 year old that you have no control over etc...) so you just physically pick him up and remove him from the situation where he is manhandling and invading the others space.

What if he does it too others? what if someone gets injured from him pulling on them? its entirely on you, YOU are allowing it to happen.

housethatbuiltme · 31/01/2025 11:34

ZoeSed · 31/01/2025 09:37

My mum said my little brother just rolled or bum shuffled until he was nearly two because he would point at something and I would get it for him or he'd just roll to it lol 😆

Was he a talker?

Children tend to concentration on and excel at one or the other (talking or walking) because talkers learn they can just say what they want and get others to get it and walkers realize they can just go get what they want on their own.

Phase2 · 31/01/2025 12:58

Do it both ways. Tell baby not to pester her brother when he's playing etc (I've seen so many parents laughing at Lego being knocked over etc because 'it's cute' and find ways to show him that his space and learning is valuable too.

HMW1906 · 31/01/2025 13:32

We had the same when my youngest was about 14 months and eldest was 3.5y. Eldest mostly just wanted to help his brother although there was a hint of jealousy too. Youngest finally cracked it when eldest went for a day out with grandparents so he wasn’t being bothered by the eldest, by the time he came home youngest was walking fairly confidently so then he was able to just walk holding his hand. Now they’re 4 and almost 2 and they chase each other round the house. It definitely didn’t cause the youngest any issues long term! Wait until you get to the youngest starting to talk and the eldest talks for them instead so the youngest can’t get a word in! 🙈🤷‍♀️

BarnacleBeasley · 31/01/2025 13:38

If it helps, my DC1 started walking at 11 months, is 3 now and mostly ignores DC2. DC2 still can't walk though (14 months). Some babies just take a bit longer.

Bearbookagainandagain · 31/01/2025 14:20

My 3yo is very bossy with his little sister, but we're teaching him to respect boundaries and to let her be when she says no or cries (and same to her towards him).

If he doesn't let go, then he can go play in another room but he won't be allowed to stay with us. Particularly if he finds it funny and do it purely to annoy her (which isn't the case for us at the moment).

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