To not change my plans?

[Squashinthepinkcup]

I have two children, as do a lot of my friends. We met though various baby groups with our older ones and then had seconds all around the same time. They all had very calm first children. The type who you could take to a museum or enjoy a hot drink with in a cafe, or do something crafty. My eldest on the other hand never sat still and so we would spend our time outside in playgrounds, skate parks and beaches. I'd always invite my friends and they'd politely decline because they'd rather sit and drink coffee whilst their chilled children drew and played quietly. We did hang out when it was warm and dry, which was nice.

The second time around, most of these women had high energy children who don't sit still and find it easier to be outside with them. I however have a chilled one who is happy to sup OJ whilst I enjoy a coffee. We've even been to art galleries and museums together, it feels so very civilised! I also like going outside a lot, so we do a mix, but it's great to have options esp in the winter.

Anyway, tomorrow is national hot chocolate day (apparently) and #2 and I are planning to go to a lovely cafe in town, then visit a gallery which has a child friendly, free, drop in, craft club on. Have just had a text from one if the crew asking what we're up to tomorrow, and then saying 'oh x will never sit down long enough for me to enjoy a hot chocolate, and no interest in crafts! Can we do something else?! X has been running me ragged and I just need something where they can be free and I don't have to leap up every 5 seconds. It's been a very testing week.'

AIBU to say no? You never once offered to come out with me on the cold days when I had the fidgety kid. I feel like I'm being mean/unreasonable because I've been there, and I get it, whereas when the situation was reversed they were oblivious to just how much some kids need the outside and trying to sit and enjoy a coffee is like catching water in a sieve. I know when i was at that point I'd have been so grateful for someone to hang out with, have another kid to help entertain mine and an a grown up to talk to etc. But I am looking forward to tomorrow a lot, and don't really want to change plans.

hurrah!!

This website says we're doing the right thing :D

https://awareness-days.co.uk/awareness-day/hot-chocolate-day/2025-01-31/

Sounds like there are others in the group with high energy children. Your friend should be making plans with them as their needs match better.

Update, I was totally overthinking it. I went with the 'oh I remember those days well' and that I didn't want to change plans this time/was looking forward to it and she's said 'fair enough, I'd have chosen hot chocolate when it was me and dc1 as well!! Have fun xx'

Really need to get better at giving myself permission to do what I want to do not on occasion rather than what I perceive the nice/polite/right thing to be. Thanks for coaching me through!

Doesn't sound like you like your first born very much 😳😳😳

Well looks like you'll get another one in 316 days!! Wooooohooooooooooooo!!

National Hot Chocolate Day in United Kingdom in 2025 | There is a Day for that!

Ha I guess if that's what you read from it. Personally think both my kids are super in their own ways! DC1 and I were always out having adventures, building sandcastles even when it was snowing. Was amazing to see how physically active and adventurous they were from a tiny age, always wanting to be on the go, tackling stuff I'd have been too chicken to do even at double the age. Really miss our days together now they're at school :( DC2 is happy outdoors, but not so restless, enjoys sitting and concentrating on something for a time. So we've had more I guess culturally enriching/mentally stimulating days imo. Been a completely different experience being able to spend time in museums and things like that.

Would say I've preferred one over the other. Some days I'd have loved to have gone to the beach in the winter with DC2 who wasn't at all up for it, other days I would have sincerely enjoyed the cafe with DC1. Just very different people, but both wonderful to me.

No plan change. Gently point out you know what it's like with an active child, sympathies but it's not forever. (or be more blunt, I would)

*wouldn't say I've preferred one over the other!! Not would 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hope the hot chocolate was delicious @Squashinthepinkcup! I've just had an email from the place I buy my hot chocolate and totally going to have a cup this eve.

It was!! Was a bit later than planned as the friend decided to drop by this morning on the off chance we hadn't left yet 😳 Then the kids wanted to play together and by the time they'd left it was a bit late to get into town and pack before 3. So ended up going all together after school, which was special in its own way. But blimey, after all that!

Hope your cup is delicious too!

Never met a kid not interested in crafting stuff

Really?! I wish I could introduce you to mine pre 2023, or my nephews when they were <7. They'd be interested for a few minutes, but usually not even 1/4 of the time it would take to set up and clear away the craft.

Cor, that's a bit cheeky! Glad you got there in the end and your DC1 got some hot chocolate too!
Also fwiw I have definitely met kids who don't want to do crafts!

Depends. Would you lie some adult company? If so, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. If not, then don't change your plans...

Bit late

So because you didn't change your plans to suit her, she derailed them instead by turning up uninvited, causing you to be delayed. Is she really a friend @Squashinthepinkcup ?

I'd be a bit miffed at the friend determined to scupper your plans.