Am I Being Unreasonable by inviting my high school teachers to my wedding?

[emlamoore]

Hello! I'm 23 years old and have graduated high school almost 5 years ago. I'm getting married later this year and have been wanting to extend an invitation to my high school teachers. I understand this may be weird or inappropriate, so I wanted an outside opinion. My high school was small with my class only containing 55 students, so there was a closer bond between teachers and students. I haven't talked to them but a couple of times since graduation but when I was a student, I was in almost every club that was offered including serving as student body president which allowed me to attend teacher conferences at my school. I say this to say they aren't normal teachers with the average student teacher relationship. One of my friends who's a groomsman has a mother who is a teacher at my old high school that I plan on inviting. But I will say, there are some teachers that I only invite as a courtesy because I don't have as much of a close relationship with them, but the school is so small that it'd be unfair to invite some but not others. So... what do you all think? Would it be weird and unreasonable to invite them to my wedding?

Super weird yes. They have seen hundreds of children since you so unless it's someone you have an actual relationship with as an adult I'd leave that in the past.

Interesting. I am in the US and have attended student weddings. Not strange here. It’s so fun to learn about UK cultural differences on mumsnet.

Sorry, but I think it is really odd to invite anyone that you have only spoken to a couple of times in the last year and were never close friends with. Unless it is someone like a relative or close friend of your parents that you are really inviting for them. Or you are basically having a huge "invite the whole village" type wedding, which I know exists in some cultures.

It’s not something I would do unless I’d kept in touch over the years and were now friends. I appreciate that they meant a lot to you while you were at school but it sounds like a normal student-teacher relationship that ended when you left. Agree that it’s a bit main character.

Not weird at all. I’m a teacher and I have been invited to weddings and baby showers etc.
Your wedding, your decision
enjoy 🥂

I think it's sweet. I'm a secondary school teacher and it's lovely to see children grow into adults in the time I know them. It's a bit like being a proud parent, or perhaps more like a more distant relative. I would enjoy seeing how an ex student has got on since leaving school, especially if I had taught them quite a lot. You have lots of guests so the teachers wouldn't take over the wedding. Perhaps invite them to the evening so?

I worked as a supply teacher for many years, mostly with 4-11 year olds, seeing them as they grew up. I would be delighted and very touched if one of them invited me to their wedding.

That's what I meant sorry

I wish I had a kinder way of saying the above. Unless it’s one or two teachers that you were very close to then I think it’s really unusual.

I was going to say it would be weird for a London comp, not at all weird if it was the school on Fair Isle.

You’ve clarified already that school size is mid-way between, so I’m guessing it’s a relatively small community. And some teachers have commented that they would find it sweet.

I think go for it! Probably more evening than ceremony though.

My god how self absorbed. Kindly, please don't embarrass yourself OP and don't put them in that awkward position either

Actually, in the area of the uk I’m from it wouldn’t be that unusual to see an old teacher at a wedding or similar. Very small communities, in fact one of my friends had teacher parents who were good friends with half the ones at our school. My primary teacher was a cousin of my grandparent. It would be unusual to see eight or more at an event but not completely weird as some here suggest.

I’m taking my knowledge of teachers in the USA from watching tv/movies. Seems that the caregiver role is taken more personally over there rather than the ‘I have to teach you for a wage, I won’t remember you unless you were a particular shitbag’ attitude over here 🤣.

How very odd

Very weird. You're just some kid they taught, they really won't care about coming to your wedding.

I’m from the states… this would be odd in most circumstances.

Exceptions would be a personal relationship outside the school setting like the one described, yes a small school like the OP described with a wedding very close to graduation (not years…maybe the summer after), a continued post graduation relationship (something like volunteering at the the school or with the teacher somewhere else).

All that being said it wouldn’t be the strangest thing to happen. At worst it could appear to be a gift grab or the OP hasn’t moved on from her school days… at best they attend and and have a good time.

Weird... move on, schools over.

I think it's odd if you haven't spoken to them in 5 years.
Only 55 students in your year, but that means they're taught nearly 300 kids since you left, it's great you have fond memories but I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't come, it's a far more meaningful relationship for you than to them.
That said, if you would like for them to be there and have the funds to accommodate as many guest as you want then invite whoever you like! Just don't set your heart on them coming, but you can invite your hairdresser/work colleagues/stranger you sat next to on a plane if you and your fiancee both agree.

Agreed. I think it’s absolutely lovely. I would be so honoured to be invited to the wedding of a former student. So joyful!

Do it. You want to. It's a nice gesture of appreciation (at least) and they may enjoy a night out together. And they can decline if they would prefer not to come.

Don't let people here decide that it's weird or wrong. It's perfectly harmless and you know what relationship you had with these people.

Enjoy your wedding.

I might also point out that I was invited to the christening of the child of a former student. The child is named after me.
Bet people here think that's weird too.

That is so lovely! ❤

It is. It was a great honour.

You can invite who you want to your wedding, but don't be surprised if not all of them accept!

You have no ongoing relationship and five years' students have passed through their care since. 8 + is a lot of extra .

If you graduated in 2020 I assume that your schooling was disrupted by Covid and there’s a sense of unfinished business for you?

I think it’s unusual - mostly because there were 140 in my year and I hated school. On the other hand ds has 40 in his year, and the teachers are much less formal and attend out of school events like concerts and competitions to support their students. It’s a very different atmosphere and I don’t think I’d be shocked if he invited some of them to his wedding one day.