To feel so infuriated by this?

[thetapdrips]

Brother staying with us. It’s been a long few months.

He is in the habit of plonking himself in the middle of say the lounge or a bedroom upstairs in the middle of a high stress sort of situation , like bath time or when I’m trying to get the children out in the morning. This morning DD (19 months) was screaming because she was tired and her four year old brother was being a bit difficult about getting dressed and in the middle of it all brother is sat on his iPad and it makes me want to kill him.

I want to raise it with him but what can I say … be out of sight when I’m stressed already!?

What do you want him to do, help or remove himself? You’re going to have to communicate it to him either way.

What would you rather he was doing? Maybe hes just trying to keep his head down and out the way as his input wouldn't be welcome.

Just say to him

How about telling him to go back to his own house?

what do you want him to do? im guessing because he's staying with you, you feel that he should take over some of the childcare responsibilities too?

I get it, OP. As an aunt, I would have stepped in.

A guest smells after 3 days, how come your brother has been here for months? Maybe time for him to leave?

I don’t want him to take over any childcare responsibilities but I just don’t want him there. It really adds to my stress levels and it’s hard to explain why. He’s waiting for a house sale to go through, although we’re all slowly losing hope I think!

So tell him that!

@HeronWing - what I’m trying to work out here is why it bothers me and how I can communicate that to him. I don’t need people saying things like ‘tell him that.’ tell him what? ‘Get out of the room as you’re bothering me’ isn’t going to stop it happening again and again.

Why is bath time a high stress situation?

Noise, tired, mess, transitioning, tears. Just is.

“Brother, when things get a bit stressful it would help if you went and chilled out in your room for a while - if the kids are playing up for example I really need some space.”

You’ve gifted him your home for months on end - make sure you get what you need too. If he gets offended he can piss off elsewhere, right?

Get out of the room you are bothering me sounds OK to me . Especially to my own brother. Tell him it is stressing you out when kids are acting up .

Thanks, it’s sometimes hard to find the words!

Has he always been oblivious & useless?

It's your home, not his.
Tell him before the next incident - Jonny it does not help when I'm dealing with the kids for you to plonk yourself down and get in the way. Please use a bit of common sense and stay out of the way until I'm sorted.

He does have autism @CoffeeBeansGalore so not totally his fault but he is very stressful to deal with as he’s so oblivious to social cues.

I think bedroom at bathtime is a bit odd but ask him to help!

Living room in the morning not so U.

I reckon if he's expected to pitch in, perhaps by cajoling 4 year old into trousers, then he will either make your life easier or hide. Win win.

I don’t want him to pitch in - just to not be There.

Why not? He should make himself useful if he's living with you.

Tell him to move out.

He makes things worse. He can’t move out - his house sale hasn’t gone through yet.

I would say "Brother I've noticed the children play up more when they have you as an audience, so can you go in another room when I'm trying to get them up and out or do bedtime? It goes much more quickly and easily."

if you just don't want him to be there, then you need to grit your teeth and have an adult conversation with him. is he your brother or your partners?

its's got nothing to do with the kids and their routine.. you want him out, then ask him to leave.. simple

Why isn't it? If you've never said it before, how do you know how he'll react?