Am I being oversensitive?

[NottyHair]

I've got 2 DC. The 3 year old's sleep has always been rough and in the last 18 months we are just now in a routine where he wakes twice a night and I go in and lie with him as he falls back asleep. I know I need to do something about it. I work full time and I know I need to be more strict with him but here we are....

DH helped with the older kid but this stopped after 6 months and DH now sleeps happily every night. He has never done night stuff with 3 year old. I have asked him but he says "DC only wants u"

Recently DH has got into fitness and all the tech gadgets. He monitors his sleep and then tells me about it in the morning "8.5 hours of good quality sleep but apparently I need more physical recovery sleep" etc. He KNOWS (because I remind him) that my sleep means up at 1am and 3am and then 6am for the day. I said to him this morning that I didn't really want to listen to his sleep analysis every morning.

He told me im being over sensitive and his sleep is nothing to do with mine! He then also started going on about the fact that some sleep experts recommend sleeping in chunks and so maybe my sleep is actually better quality than his! I could feel an argument brewing so I went quiet but he said I was being rude.

Am I being over sensitive? Too tired? He's only making conversation in the morning but God I find it difficult to listen to

Exactly this. The issue isn't your oversensitivity but him being a knob.

In your shoes? I'd get my own sleep tracker.
And wake him when you are woken. And keep him awake as long as you are. And then see how healthy he thinks his new sleep pattern is.

His sleep isn’t anything to do with yours?

Weird. Both of your kids are something to do with both of you.

That attitude is not for me.

Neurodivergence often has a genetic component. I wonder if your DH is also on the spectrum. It could explain (but not excuse) his lack on empathy and self focus.

Doesn't mean you need to put up with it though.

I'd say to him "Do you understand that when I am struggling with exhaustion, you bragging about your sleep quality can be hurtful? If you can't help with the night wakings, what can you do to make my life easier right now?"

Put the ball back in his court.

Failing that take a hammer to the fucking watch

I would shake him awake every time you have to get up. If he complains tell him you're helping his sleep quality because apparently it's better in chunks. Cheek.of him

It is always amazing to me that rather than admit their own selfishness people are so quick to label women as over sensitive, dramatic, hysterical etc. What form your husband has...!

I am not of the belief neurodiversity is a blanket excuse for selfishness. Yes, it can make it harder to have full awareness and perhaps a need for a bit of a reminder but when you care about getting it right and being there for your partner/your partner's needs, there should be willingness to learn even if it's harder to get 'right' on the spot.

I don't think this one will be an easy one to nip in the bud b/c I imagine he's not used to thinking of your needs in many ways. I'd start with night wakings and prep your little one Daddy will be getting up from now on and give him something special of yours to sleep with.

Sorry about your friend @NottyHair [flower]

Yeah that would wind me up no end.

LTB
he can sleep uninterrupted
you won't have to listen to his self obsessed drivel

I am sorry, OP, I know this is your husband but that is horribly selfish, arrogant behaviour. No WAY are you being oversensitive and do not allow him to make you feel that you are.

What do you mean you're not allowed to tell him how you're feeling? Do you mean specifically about your lack of sleep and generally?
To ask a typically mn question, what does he bring to the relationship?
It's so sad to feel lonely in a marriage, you deserve more than this x

i mean @Onlycoffee that if i say to him that i find him insensitive - he will be grumpy and make me feel like i'm ruining stuff. so tonight after work if i said it was a bit annoying that he went on about his sleep this morning at 7am when he knew i was up with the kids - he will say 'ah, you're doing this are you? making a drama of something' blah blah. he won't be angry. just v dismissive. but if i pushed it further - he would get really annoyed.

What are the benefits of him?

It’s very simple. Each and every time you have toget up you wake him him, every single time

then when he complains you say welcome to my world, what are you going to do to help me,
whilst dc May prefer you he needs to be able to sort them, so he can do Friday and Saturday night as a starting point

He sounds like an absolute cunt.

Wake him every single time you have to tend to your child, it's no less than he deserves.

Forgive me as my kid doesn't have autism so this might not work - but when I was trying to get mine to sleep through the night I took a week off work just to do that. Good use of my time tbh, and it worked for us (I did a rapid return sort of thing but he was younger).

Either way, I'm sorry your husband is being such a shit about this. I've been exhausted for the best part of 18 months due to (non-child) related sleep issues, and it's exhausting.

He does cook dinner! But thinking about it that is all he does. @Nanny0gg

I'm not counting who does what. I don't mind doing more. But it's lack of support or concern for me. I really don't think he gives a shit about me. I can't remember the last time he asked me a question!

. I can't remember the last time he asked me a question!

Yeesh. Ask yourself: are we a partnership? Because it really doesn't sound as though you are.

(My DC would say your husband has Main Character Energy)

Ask to borrow the watch tonight as your interested in how your sleep compares and his chunk theory.

When the data is there in front of him hopefully he'll realise how knackered you are.

Complete aside put a mattress on your floor at let your little one sleep there.

Bragging about sleep when the other is sleep deprived is beyond insensitive