AIBU for threatening to pull out of the house purchase/ advice needed

[Vavamum]

Hi everyone,

We’re first time buyers, and this whole process has been a nightmare. Our first sale collapsed, but in August, we finally found a house we love (on the same day I found out I was pregnant with our first baby!).

We knew there was a chain (four properties in total), but we thought we had a reasonable timeframe- just wanted to ensure we complete by the time the baby is ready to arrive. The seller at the top was supposed to break the chain by moving into a family home. We originally aimed to complete before Christmas, but they kept pushing things back. January came with a new excuse every week, and last night we found out they’ve now decided to buy another property instead - adding it to the chain! We know nothing about this property at the minute and how long it’s been going on for.

To say we’re livid is an understatement. We’ve made it clear: if we don’t exchange by Wednesday, we’re pulling out. Our seller is also pushing for this because his mortgage offer expires then.

I’m now 27 weeks pregnant, and the thought of this falling through is terrifying. Our current rental isn’t suitable for a newborn, and moving into temporary accommodation would be incredibly difficult with our three pets.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How long did it take when an extra property was added to the chain? Do you think us pulling out will pressure them to complete as originally planned?

Any advice would be massively appreciated!

Sounds like you might have to pull out and start again.

I assume you haven't given notice on your rental? You'll have to put up with it for a bit longer. Why isn't it suitable for a newborn? They will be in your bedroom until at least 6mo.

If you haven't exchanged, then you are free to pull out. I did it myself just yesterday. I do feel bad for the sellers but they have been a bit silly trying to increase the price by 5% on a property which I already thought was generously priced. 2 months of everyone's time wasted. Their mistake was that I am a free agent whereas they are part of the chain so weren't really in a position to play silly games.
If you do pull out, make sure you are not out of pocket though.

I think they would call your bluff to be honest.

I sympathise as bought a flat in September and still waiting for it to go through but 🤷‍♀️

Yanbu.

The top of the chain need to move into rented / with family and stop messing about.
They also are normally flush as their house is the most expensive

If your sellers mortgage expires the chain might get broken anyway. I'd want it done or to take a break while prefnant so you have aome certainty

Buy a new build and save yourself all the hassle.

The top buyers don't have to do anything at all. We all are entitled to change minds, particularly about something as big as a house purchase. Sadly, no-one in the chain is responsible for or accountable to, anyone else in the chain. So yes, you can stomp your feet, but they can happily ignore you.
This is why housebuying is so shittily stressful. I hope you find another place soon, OP. It will probably be even better!

This could take months again and that's only if others don't pull out. My friend was in a long chain and in the end the seller paid his rent for a few months to keep the chain together. If I were you I'd look elsewhere and also look into renting somewhere. When I was renting I paid pet rent which helped us find somewhere.

My gut feeling is that the people at the top of the chain will only care about the people directly under them pulling out, not you. But unfortunately it doesn’t sound like it’s going to work out and it’s probably time to start making alternative arrangements

We moved just before Christmas and the process this time, was infinitely more stressful than the last time, ten years ago and that was bad enough.

You're in a good position as first time buyers. I agree that you need to make a decision quickly, so you can make arrangements for what happens before the baby arrives.

Don’t threaten something you’re not willing to follow through on. Simple as. Top of chain won’t give a fuck.. trust me, we’ve been there! You don’t need the stress.

Fair enough to say you will pull out but be prepared to lose the house. There isn't actually much yout sellers can do about it if it is someone higher up the chain holding up proceedings.
House buying is stressful and it always takes much longer than you would expect.

If they have already paid for surveys instructed solicitors etc they will be out of pocket and nothing they can do about it sadly

It is an unanswerable question I'm afraid. No-one can say how long this will go on. You have given them a deadline and all you can do it stick to that then pull out if it is not met. Hugely disappointing and frustrating I know, but it is a position I know well.

I can only say that it always turned out fine for us even though it felt desperate at the time. We found other options that proved to be positive.

The whole house selling process in UK is appalling - the last time I moved (4 years ago) it was because my OH needed care and I could not afford it. He died in the middle of the complicated process of buying and selling (several purchases fell through) and I am only just recovering from the trauma of all that happened. But I am settled in a lovely home.

I have also moved a few weeks before giving birth many years ago - it was challenging, but we coped somehow!

I am sorry but you need to plan a rental to tide you over. Nothing about buying and selling houses is quick or predictable in any way at all.

Good luck.

We have had this. We didn’t pull out but also started looking at other properties at the same time. If you start again from scratch, it will probably take just as long as this seller at the top. However if your seller has a mortgage offer about to expire and does have to pull out that’s understandable. Our current house we’re now in dragged on & on as our sellers were buying a probate property and there was a backlog after the pandemic. We were in a short term rental as we’d sold our previous house very quickly and were relocating. But after 6+ months waiting our seller tried to string it out even further expecting us to just keep renting. However as our very cheap 5 year fixed rate was about to expire, we did end up giving an ultimatum date for exchange and totally meant it. Once he realised this he suddenly agreed overnight to go into rental himself after months of refusing to even consider it, and we exchanged in a fortnight. It’s the property chains and people’s behaviour that makes the whole moving thing so stressful. Good luck!

House buying is such a ridiculous process and unfortunately too many people extend an already difficult time by being dicks.

The last time I bought a house the seller just kept making stupid demands, prolonging the process and just behaving awfully. I mean the day our van turned up to move us in she was still in the property not packed (she had a new build house to go to!).

And that's before I even start on the idiot who bought our house (thought he was buying all our furniture as well as the house, um no, and thought the minute he put an offer in we should be be out of the house so he could move in, again just no! Maddeningly the estate agent agreed with him and I had to remind everyone that he had no legal rights to the house yet! FFS).

I vowed never again but we're going to have to move in the summer because of DHs job. I'm not looking forward to it.

What's to stop you staying in the chain but looking about to see if there is something else suitable.

You might find that there is very little else that would suit you and, even if you do, there is no guarantee that you won't find yourself in a similar or worse chain.
Think how annoyed you will be if you pull out, join another chain and then in the meantime the original chain got a wriggle on an moved quickly.

The most common way way to avoid a chain is usually to buy a new build or buy a house where the owner has died.

I think the only person you can effectively pressure is your seller- pressure them to sell to you regardless and move into rented.

of course, lots of people wouldn’t consider this but you won’t be able to pressure the top of the chain.

if you start again you will have to pay out and find another house so I’d be inclined not to, but if you threaten you need to be prepared too

its hugely stressful OP, massive sympathy

Maybe start looking at other houses, but what is the point of pulling out if it takes you another 6 months to find another house that you like. You might be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

I wouldn't issue any threats you aren't prepared to follow through on.

My first thought was being honest knowing how long house sales take, offering in august and it only being January isn’t actually too long. I know some people have to wait around a year. I agree it’s crazy though. Think ours took 8-9 months.

The extra pressure you have is being third trimester.

It’s a tough situation and stressful because as much as you want to pull out (and obviously can still do) you will have to start the process again and it could take another 6-12 months. Being realistic here

Pull out if you want but you unlikely to exchange if you find somewhere else before baby comes. It takes months to buy a house. Ours is sstc and we just two in the chain....we October and counting...it takes so long....hoping to exchange if things go ok by March...... How come your rental isn't suitable for a new born. Honestly they don't need much space and sleep in your bedroom.

It's frustrating but either way it will take months either sticking with the existing chain or buying a different property. I'd accept that you aren't going to move before the baby is here though - if you do it will be a pleasant surprise but realistically unlikely. But it will be fine - we moved house when DD was 8 months old, we were in a tiny flat and it would have been nice to move earlier but actually it was easier being all on one level and babies don't need much space before they're toddling. I'm glad we didn't rush things though as we waited for the right property for us, which will last us decades.

I think it depends how much you want this house. If you've got your heart set on it and maybe there's not a lot else around that's similar, then I would hold on.
Otherwise, you're cutting off your nose to spite your face.

If the person at the top of the chain has now decided to buy somewhere (but haven't had an offer accepted anywhere yet) I think you're unlikely to move before the baby comes if you're 27 weeks already.

But with only 13 weeks to go, even if you did pull out and start your search again, then you're unlikely to have moved in before baby arrives anyway.

Buying houses can be a nasty business, and it's tempting to tell them to stick it sometimes, but only ever do that if it's in your interests. Sometimes it's a case of sucking it up, unfortunately.

We had a similar experience with the top of the chain deciding at the last minute they wouldn't move in with family but wanted to buy a house. In the end a mix of threats of pulling out and bribery (a small lump sum payment by someone further up the chain) got them to see reason.

Very stressful. I feel your pain.

House buying and selling is crap. If you pull out now then the next chain you enter into isn’t going to be much better, this is just the reality. Prepare yourself to be in your current place when baby is born, if you complete before then it’s a bonus.