To accept that I need help? *mental health related* tw neonatal death

[TheLymeTrew]

I've changed name because. I feel so ashamed.
We lost our baby 4 weeks ago on the 2nd of January. She was 2 weeks old and was born at 26 weeks.
She was doing so well and then she got NEC and the operation didn't go well, so we got chance to hold her and love her and she died.

My aibu is I have previously diagnosed bipolar and drs are worried im at risk post partum psychosis because of how high the mania I experience with my bipolar is

The obstetrician and the psychiatrist would like me to go into an isolated mother and baby unit.
Isolated in so far as I won't see any babies because mine isn't here anymore but it's appreciated that is the right place for me to be to
Be supported through this time. As it's a mental health mother & baby unity

But I have some concerns.

1. I'll have to go back on quetiapine for the psychosis and it made me feel like a zombie

2. won't all the women who have their babies with them think I'm a risk to them because of the term 'psychosis' im not. At all. I just feel like I can fly but Iv just lost my daughter I don't want to feel like a criminal, but what if they think the same woman In isolation with no baby but joins in group therapy is going to steal their baby?

Should i just do it? Or should I refuse and titrate onto quetiapine at home ?

Oh that sounds so tough OP. My sincere condolences to you. Please don’t feel ashamed. The ward sounds like a good supportive choice. I’m sure there will be others with mental health issues on the ward too. I’m sure someone else will be here too with more advice but the ward sounds a good plan to me.

Oh I’m so so sorry. I can’t really advise but didn’t want to read and run.

OP, I haven't been where you are and I can't understand what you're going through, but I wouldn't let your perception of what others may or may not think prevent you from accessing the help you need. If your doctor thinks this is the best course of action for you, then you should probably strongly consider doing just that. The other women in there will most likely be focused on their own issues.

Condolences. It must be a really difficult time for you.

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. You are just as entitled to be there as anyone else, you need support at the moment and wherever the experts advise will be the best to help you.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

I visited a family member in a mum and baby unit a couple of times and my impression was that the women were understandably focussed on themselves and their situation- I don’t think they’d judge or worry about you as a risk. Could you agree to try it for a week and see how it goes there? Again- I’m so sorry and I hope for much brighter times ahead for you.

Oh OP I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. What is her name? Tell us a little about her if you feel up to it.
If your doctors think this unit will be the best for you I would go. It will be supported and not all of the other women will have their babies with them. If it doesn’t feel right you can always be transferred to a different unit but at least you will be being cared for and the medication titrated properly. You will get better quicker in hospital than at home as the support will be so much more.
How is your babies father doing?
You will have so many hormones swirling round your body and trying to process grief it is so hard to do on your own. Take what support you can get. Do as the doctors suggest if at all possible.
Good luck

I"m so sorry for your loss OP. It's the hardest thing to lose a child. Please be assured you have absolutely nothing at all to be ashamed of. You have suffered a huge loss and you have done nothing wrong at all.

I’ve nothing really to add to the advice above, just to send you love and support, and I’m so sorry for your loss of your little one.

I am so sorry to hear this OP. I lost my first daughter 19 years ago at 25 weeks. At the time, everyone else around me was worrried about my MH, no diagnosis, but I understand now that I am probably autistic and there are many complex MH presentations and addictions in my family.

Looking back now, I realise that no one was letting me grieve. It wasn’t my mental health that was bad, I was grieving as I had lost my first child, conceived after infertility.

i cannot answer your questions about the mother and baby unit, though, the fact that it has ‘baby’ in it seems to serve as a reminder that you will be there without your baby. It feels like they haven’t really thought that through. Could they not have a MH team visit you at home daily? Can they not build the expert support around you?

That stereotype of people having lost a baby stealing others is horribly perpetuated in soaps etc, don’t worry about what others think, please do look after yourself x