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Original poster

Or would this get your back up too?

7 replies

Autumn95x · 29/01/2025 22:11

DP has a beard. Hasn't always had a beard mind, met him at 18 before he could even grow one and so just for context, have loved him bare faced, stubbled and bearded. Anyway,

DP is Autistic and so because of sensory issues related to this he had always kept a fairly tidy stubbly beard, never letting it get beyond rugged territory. In the past he has asked about my opinion RE his beard and as above, I have loved his face through it all and so am completely opinion-less regarding how he chooses to have his beard, however I have commented when he's let it get on the longer more rugged side that I thought it suited him and that he looked quite handsome, although this is what I think no matter what his beard looks like.

Yesterday he was due to trim his beard as it has gotten to that rugged stage, he commented about shaving it and I gave his face a rub and made some passing comment about it looking good but that yes, it looked to be at the length that bothers him and so I figured it was trim time. He came out of the bathroom and had left his beard untrimmed, saying he would leave it be for a while as I liked it so much, with a wink and a smile. I jokingly said that it wouldn't last too long as I know it bothers him and assured him I like it no matter the length, and that was that.

Then today he comes home from work, heads straight to the bathroom after a hello kiss and comes back out with a trimmed beard. I laugh and say see? Told you it would bother you in no time. DP responds that actually it wasn't bothering him all too much it was just he thought it was looking a bit too long. I again said i thought it looked good, but again his choice and he looked good now too. DP responded that actually, the reason for the trim was that a woman he works with had commented that he looked tired and he thought it was because of the beard.

I'm not sure why this has gotten my back up a bit. Maybe because I felt my opinion of it looking good on him felt overturned by the woman's opinion that it didn't? I've always been a very secure person in myself and within our relationship and so I'm confusing myself as to why it's bothered me. (Putting it down to time of the month, mainly)

Would it make you feel the same way?
X

OP posts:
Nevervisible · 29/01/2025 22:15

Yes it does sound as though his colleague's opinion is very important to him.
Do you know this woman?

Original poster
Autumn95x · 29/01/2025 22:17

Nevervisible · 29/01/2025 22:15

Yes it does sound as though his colleague's opinion is very important to him.
Do you know this woman?

No, I don't know too much about the people he works with apart from the odd names in passing work stories. He hasn't been working there for very long, less than 6 months.

OP posts:
VotingForYourself · 29/01/2025 22:21

It sounds like not looking tired is important to him and someone told him it made him look tired . You're reading far too much into it. He will just be thinking oh thingy said I looked tired the only thing I've changed is the beard so I will trim that.

ItGhoul · 29/01/2025 22:45

VotingForYourself · 29/01/2025 22:21

It sounds like not looking tired is important to him and someone told him it made him look tired . You're reading far too much into it. He will just be thinking oh thingy said I looked tired the only thing I've changed is the beard so I will trim that.

Yes, exactly.

It wouldn’t even occur to me to give a shit about this.

I work at the same place as my DP and he works in a section with lots of younger women. I wouldn’t be remotely bothered if one of them commented on his appearance. Actually, not appearance-related, but he has come home before and said ‘Do you think I’ve been moody lately? Sophie at work said I was being quiet’ or something along those lines. I didn’t think ‘Oh my god, he cares about Sophie’s opinion, he must be desperate to shag her’.

Greyish2025 · 29/01/2025 22:46

Autumn95x · 29/01/2025 22:11

DP has a beard. Hasn't always had a beard mind, met him at 18 before he could even grow one and so just for context, have loved him bare faced, stubbled and bearded. Anyway,

DP is Autistic and so because of sensory issues related to this he had always kept a fairly tidy stubbly beard, never letting it get beyond rugged territory. In the past he has asked about my opinion RE his beard and as above, I have loved his face through it all and so am completely opinion-less regarding how he chooses to have his beard, however I have commented when he's let it get on the longer more rugged side that I thought it suited him and that he looked quite handsome, although this is what I think no matter what his beard looks like.

Yesterday he was due to trim his beard as it has gotten to that rugged stage, he commented about shaving it and I gave his face a rub and made some passing comment about it looking good but that yes, it looked to be at the length that bothers him and so I figured it was trim time. He came out of the bathroom and had left his beard untrimmed, saying he would leave it be for a while as I liked it so much, with a wink and a smile. I jokingly said that it wouldn't last too long as I know it bothers him and assured him I like it no matter the length, and that was that.

Then today he comes home from work, heads straight to the bathroom after a hello kiss and comes back out with a trimmed beard. I laugh and say see? Told you it would bother you in no time. DP responds that actually it wasn't bothering him all too much it was just he thought it was looking a bit too long. I again said i thought it looked good, but again his choice and he looked good now too. DP responded that actually, the reason for the trim was that a woman he works with had commented that he looked tired and he thought it was because of the beard.

I'm not sure why this has gotten my back up a bit. Maybe because I felt my opinion of it looking good on him felt overturned by the woman's opinion that it didn't? I've always been a very secure person in myself and within our relationship and so I'm confusing myself as to why it's bothered me. (Putting it down to time of the month, mainly)

Would it make you feel the same way?
X

If a colleague says this to you it could be to insinuate ( in a sly way) that he isn’t coping with his workload and looks tired and worn down/ stressed and therefore not looking after his appearance…this may be why he did it

Endofyear · 29/01/2025 22:49

She didn't say anything about his beard though - she said he looked tired. He interpreted that as being a comment about his beard, which is odd. A beard doesn't make you look tired! Maybe he's just using her comment as an excuse because he wanted to trim the beard anyways.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 29/01/2025 22:55

His colleague was probably being polite and for 'tired', read 'scruffy' perhaps?

Given he probably also feels it looks a bit scruffy at that length, the comment maybe just made up his mind for him?

I think you're reading too much into it.

But you're allowed to feel how you feel as an adult, so please don't blame 'periods' and just own your feelings.

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