“Tight” or “Thrifty”?

[G1fted0rN0t]

Do you think people who are very careful with spending their money are “tight” or “thrifty”? I don’t mean budgeting or saving but going to more of an extreme. I’m interested to know if this is seen as a positive or negative characteristic, and to hear your experiences.

I like people who are generous with what they have but I don’t mind people who are bargain hunters or careful so long as they treat other people fairly/the same as themselves. So I don’t like it when people save themselves money by taking advantage of others. E.g. I used to go out in a big group and one couple would order loads of expensive food and drinks compared to others and then be keen to split the bill and not contribute to the tip.

Another acquaintance was so keen to save money on their wedding that he held it in the it family garden (fair enough), but then had his siblings and parents run ragged putting the whole thing together (stage/multiple gazebos etc.) without helping. They went for a less expensive buffet (no problem there) but the portions were tiny and people went hungry. They even made a joke about how tight they are in their vows…which made me cringe!

Thoughts..,

I think weddings are tricky as I think people should do what they want-if the couple wants to just do something small with 2 witnesses then go for it. If you don’t have much money and ask everyone to bring something to add to the buffet that’s great. BUT if you are inviting people for a celebration and say you’re providing food, then make sure you have enough to go round!

So what if I normally wouldn't spend more than £50 on a meal out despite having masses of savings (that's probably why I have masses of savings) and I go out with someone who normally spends £100 on a meal out - would going to my level of restaurant be tight or thrifty?

Depends, would you just be upfront and say you’d prefer to go somewhere cheaper? And then pay for your own? I think it’s not tight if you’re upfront but if you say let someone treat you to a £100 meal and then next time you took them out for a £50 meal (if you have the money for more) that’s tight. I think part of it is not taking advantage of others.

I think "being generous" can easily spiral. I know someone who ended up with £12k of credit card debt because they kept getting rounds in on a credit card. Didn't want to look tight or stingy. Everyone was happy to keep accepting the drinks because everyone assumed he could afford it.

I know someone else who everyone thinks is a tight-arse, but managed to save enough for a deposit on a 3-bed house in an expensive area at a time when a lot of peers are still renting or living with parents.

I think it depends in your priorities. I'm on a very low income (especially by mumsnet standards!) and my sister will often make comments about me being tight or stingy when I say I can't afford to do something. But I feel absolutely no pressure to flash the cash or keep up with the Joneses. My finances and what I buy with them are nobody's business but my own and I care not a jot if I come across as stingy. Rather that than be buried in debt.

If you don’t have much money and ask everyone to bring something to add to the buffet that’s great.

No, it’s not.

Have the wedding you can afford.

It’s tight to rely on guests to provide you with the wedding you’d like but can’t afford. “Bring something to our wedding buffet”, fuck no, what’s next, want me to contribute towards your wedding dress too?

I think there’s a difference between being sensible with spending on a low income/saving for a goal, and being tight.

Tight to me is taking advantage of others to help you save e.g. never getting a round in, ordering more expensive food and wanting others to split. Or, being mean spirited-like having the money but scrimping on wedding food.

If someone doesn’t want to go out or denies themselves treats because they are saving for a deposit or need to make ends meet that’s not tight, to me.

What have you been accused of being tight about?

Thrifty: focusing on value and efficiency.
Tight: being thrifty to the detriment of others or themself.

I've had (note past tense) friends that fell into tight. Didn't requite hospitality. Penny pinched over restaurant bills (yet funnily never took service/ tips into account with their tedious, meticulous calculations) Would take advantage of rounds or others' hospitality to maximise what they could get out of the situation (funny how they never bought their own doubles)
They were easy friendships to let drift; all it took was making invites more sparse and fading off, and they never made the move to fill the gap.
It wasn't about money, it was a stinginess of spirit to invest anything back. Things like making arrangements/ bookings to meet (no cost incurred) would have made a difference.

On detriment of self, it's when going for an (unnecessarily) cheap option that will cause more disruption or cost down the line rather than looking at best accessible value long term.

At our wedding, the costs of the trimmings (cake, flowers, stationery, jewellry, outfits) were carefully budgeted, but extra was put into hospitality such as additional wine and soft drinks at the tables. The costs weren't palmed off onto guests (except asking bridesmaids to get themselves a comfortable silver pair of shoes because shoes are very personal). A DIY venue wasn't an option because it wasn't practical for our friends and family to put in the time to manage the logistics so we had to budget for a professional venue.

Worst wedding related tightness I heard of was a friend of a friend. They requested guests to bring a few bottles of alcohol (implication being this would be shared at wedding.) During the wedding booze ran out and questions were asked, it didn’t appear and people had to buy their own drinks. Turns out the couple sold the alcohol back to the venue. They did various other things and ended up turning a profit and the expense of their guests!