AIBU that nobody can judge how old our friends look?

[GRex]

I just saw a photo of an old schooofriend with her siblings and commented to DH "wow, she looks over a decade younger but they are all similar age". She isn't even the youngest, but there she is shining youthfully in the middle. Except DH, who doesn't know her, says they all look the same age. I did some tests, other old school mates with siblings. The ones who were close look significantly younger than their siblings, husbands, and some old school people who I don't know as well. DH won't look at any more now, so I've come here.

Why do I seemingly imagine people I like to be younger, prettier and sparklier? Is this normal and nobody can judge their friends properly?

I find that I can't judge when I already know. So if it's a friend and I know their exact date of birth, any number of people can say 'she only looks thirty' but I won't see her as a day less than the forty five that I know her to be.

"I did some tests, other old school mates with siblings. The ones who were close look significantly younger than their siblings, husbands, and some old school people who I don't know as well. DH won't look at any more now, so I've come here."

Are you alright OP? This is very odd behaviour, and not a healthy fixation.

I don’t think it’s that weird. I’m getting pretty ancient myself - hence the name! - and every time I meet a friend my age that I haven’t seen for a while I am initially shocked at how ancient they look, but after a few minutes chatting I start to see them as a kind of combination of the young person they used to be and their current incarnation. I assume they see me in a similar way.

Seems normal enough. I don't think OP is staring night and day at some bizarre collage of photos taped to a wall, muttering to herself and forcing her husband to listen to her ramblings for hours on end. She's just found something she finds curious and interesting and her husband is tired of playing 'guess the age'.

OP, I wouldn't be surprised if this is true. I do know I tend to picture people I know looking younger than they actually are. When I look harder, I see signs of age, but in my mind's eye they are more youthful and more beautiful than they actually are.

YANBU. It’s an established phenomena.

I probably won’t explain it terribly well, but when you look at someone you have known for decades, you don’t just see them as they are now. You also see previous versions of them, so your perception becomes one that places them as looking much younger in your eyes.

And how are things with you generally? Do you normally read things into a post that aren't there? Because your response is extremely odd!

It's not normal.

I don't think it's particularly odd? I think it's an interesting experiment in how we perceive people we know versus others.

I also find it very hard to judge whether people I know well are objectively attractive in a conventionally accepted way. I think all my good friends are beautiful! But at the same time sort of know they are not, but don't know who is!

I know what you mean @GRex - it’s similar to how I feel when I watch old films I first watched when I was a kid, I watched Ghost recently and DH and I couldn’t accept that Patrick and Demi were 10-20 years younger in it than we are now as they were ‘grown ups’ when we first watched it

If 20 minutes is a "fixation", then I have had a great many fixations in my time!

Yes, this too!! I know logically that some friends must be unattractive, but no idea which ones.

I like the idea of seeing the many versions of the friend. No wonder they get blurry!

I could swear I've read almost exactly this post on here before... So it must be something other people experience!

How strange.

But yes, I struggle to notice ageing when I know someone, they just look like "them" to me.