Reciprocal childcare, could it work?

[reciprocalchildcare]

Childcare places are few and far between in our area and I’m not really taken by the settings that do have space available (clearly haven’t got a waiting list for a reason…)

Has anyone ever done a reciprocal childcare arrangement with a friend or is it a recipe for disaster? I have a friend who is due back to work at the same time as me, we live an 10 min walk from each other, and our babies are a few weeks apart in age. We are both thinking of returning to work 3 days, so two days off each. Informally (especially if grandparents were on standby) would it be feasible to on one of our days off, have both babies, and make sure we have alternate days off? Ie friend does Monday, I do Friday. Just until a space becomes available at a better setting.

Tell me if it’s a terrible idea. Just brainstorming!

I think it’s a great idea if you parent similar and have similar views on food, discipline, sleep ect. Would need good communication but the benefits would be great if you could make it work!

I do similar in the holidays (DS is older!) I think if your parenting styles are similar, and you're not very 'dramatic' people (ie, not likely to have blazing rows over minor differences) it could work well.

I'd say maybe try taking the others child for a few hours before you firmly agree and see how it feels with two! Also discuss all eventualities - what will happen if either of you decide to up your hours/days off change. What happens when a child is ill, or an adult. Will you be doing regular clubs etc on your days, how much time do you want your child outside on a normal day etc.

I think it's important to also realise going into it that the 'price' you'll pay is things happening you don't have control over. Friend May deal with situations you haven't even considered yet differently from how you might, and honestly if she doesn't accept how you'd want something handled, you won't have a choice but to end the deal and find alternative childcare ASAP! As long as you go into it with your eyes open it should be fine - worse case scenario it doesn't work and you need to find childcare, same as you might now.

I did it with a friend for about a year. It worked well. Go for it.

If you're close enough to be able to bring up any issues that arrive, more or less aligned in terms of parenting, and you both realise that two babies can be hard work at times then go for it.

I do reciprocal childcare with two friends, we have four school-age DC between us, all DC are the same age.

Monday - I have all DC before school, Friend A has all DC after school
Tuesday - Friend B has all DC
Wednesday - I have all DC before & after school
Thursday - Friend B has all DC before school, all DC go to after school club
Friday - Friend A has DC before school, Friend B has all DC after school

In school holidays neither I or Friend A work as were both term time so we alternate having Friend B's DC, sometimes we have them on our own and sometimes we get together and wrangle all the kids between us. Friend B reciprocates with evening babysitting and the occasional sleepover. We all take turns to ferry the kids to parties, clubs, events, etc.

Our parenting styles aren't exactly the same but we're all more or less on the same page and we back each other up in front of the DC. They know that whoever they are with, that adult is in charge and is to be listened to even if their rules are slightly different to mums rules. When it comes to food, we're all happy for that to be the choice of whoever is doing the cooking. DC will also randomly swap between our houses, for example if we bump into each other when out with the dog, DC will sometimes say "can I go to Friend A/B's?" or we'll say "does DC want to come to ours?" and we'll come home with either less DC or extra DC for a bit.

I do realise our arrangement is probably a bit unusual as it's more like parenting by committee than straight-up childcare but it's been working happily since DC were tiny.

It wouldn't appeal to me tbh. It would be like dealing with twins and it would be hard to do more interesting activities with my child, eg taking them out further afield for a longer day trip to the beach or NT property, swimming, parent and child gymnastics, theatre trips where you really need 1 to 1 supervision. Not sure how old they are now but once they are toddlers and running off in different directions it would be hard for one adult to look after them (parents of twins or small age gap kids usually don't go to parks or big soft plays because of that). I have a 2 year old now eho runs off, and I wouldn't want to have to chase another one!

I guess it would also be problematic if you or her had another baby quite soon or if one of you changed jobs or working patterns, or wanted to go on holiday at different times.

Dealing with twins is definitely harder so I get why singleton parents wouldn't be up for two the same age, but this is nonsense that twin parents don't take their twins to parks etc when there's only one adult. It definitely can be done! I and plenty of other twin parents even do toddler twins plus an older or younger sibling.

I was going to say similar. At one stage of parenting I was single-handedly taking out four DC ranging in age from infant to age 5. That included full day trips, the beach, NT properties, the park, clubs/groups/activities, soft play, pretty much anywhere you can think of where you'd take one DC, I went with four.

It's worth sitting down and talking through some theoreticals and worse case scenarios now. Thinking through will you take the other child if they are mildly unwell. If they're hot and teething and grumpy and you'd planned to do XYZ or go to a particular event that day, are you okay with cancelling that or do you say sorry can't have them that day. Are you okay with your friend telling you sorry I can't have them today as my little one has a temperature, or was sick in the night. Are you happy to both invest in having two car seats, or is driving not a factor or you just won't drive on those days.

Are you both on the same page with things like "the kids should go out every day regardless of the weather", versus if we're not feeling it then it's PJs and watching CBeebies for most of the afternoon. One person is adamantly anti McDonalds and the other thinks Greggs sausage rolls now and then never hurt anyone. Is this literally just for a month or two or is it likely to stretch into older child times, do you need to factor in things like if the other toddler starts to bite yours, what are you going to do about it.

I think it can work but the one thing I would caution is that two babies can be quite hard work so it might be better to think about doing it one day each, and then tring to find a better solution for the other day?

Other options you could consider are a nanny share (either a nanny who works for you 2 days and her two days OR you go back to work on the SAME day and the nanny looks after both DC on the same two days and you split the cost).

I'd also be very clear in your own head that you're doing this as a favour to each other. I don't think yu can be treating each other like paid childcare - so in the same way that if a friend is doing a favour you don't get to complain because that day the baby didn't get a nap, while you might complain to a professional.

Finally, be prepared for posters on MN to tell you this is formal childcare and you'd need ot be ofsted registered, insured etc. That may technically be true but in the real life, we all get our friends to help us out sometimes!

I think it depends on how good friends you are, how close your parenting styles are etc.
But for me, the age would be the biggest factor. I think I'd be comfortable doing this with school age children but probably not a baby/toddler.

I did this years ago with two different friends with children aged from nearly 3 to 5 and it worked incredibly well. I don’t understand why more people don’t do it

I have done this twice with different DC for at least a year each time. It worked brilliantly.

I did this with a job share partner. Our children were primary school age, Simon days I worked she did the before and after school care, and vice versa. We were also able to cover for each other if the children were sick. We did it for two years, until I needed to find a full time post, and it worked brilliantly.