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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Toxic work colleagues

10 replies

NMc16 · 29/01/2025 12:27

So sick of my last work environment. I left because of working with toxic and bitchiness and borderline bullying with other colleagues. Where everyone had to have a gossip. I couldn’t care less about my colleagues personal lives. I just wanted to do my job and get on with it. We went to a work colleagues (that I got on with wedding and the colleagues said they talked about with the manager at the supervision. I’m not sure how they found out about it but they did. I felt like saying and what? Have you nothing better to do at your supervision? They then proceeded to tell me about other colleagues being friends outside of work and that they were ‘bitching about it’s to other people and showed me a picture of them both out together. I just went ok? They are friends what’s the issue? They then seemed pissed off at my reaction. What I didn’t understand was she is also friends with another colleague outside of work which baffles me? I really don’t get all this. They are 37 years of age married and kids and getting on like primary school children. They got on with other colleagues and moan and bitch about everyone. I don’t join in and felt out of place because of this. I deleted and blocked the colleagues in question off my Facebook. They did buy me a leaving card and voucher which I feel a bit guilty for. Am I an asshole for doing this? I am currently pregnant and don’t want them to know anything about my personal life. It’s likely I will never see them again but am
i over reacting for doing this?

OP posts:
Devilgate · 29/01/2025 12:42

YANBU at all.

They sound awful and it’s a good thing you weren’t ’won over’ by the present

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/02/2025 07:54

I’ll be honest, I’ve read that and struggled to understand the ins and outs of the colleagues and what they’re saying. I get the essence. Some are friends some aren’t and they were trying to wind you up? I agree no one needs to be that interested in each others lives if it means it leads to this kind of behaviour - toxicity. People have real stuff going on in their lives. All I can say is these people clearly don’t so they use work to create drama. Women can be awful, I don’t understand why some enjoy being so horrible and judgmental. It’s a total waste of time and energy when you could be having far more interesting conversations!!

NMc16 · 02/02/2025 08:17

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/02/2025 07:54

I’ll be honest, I’ve read that and struggled to understand the ins and outs of the colleagues and what they’re saying. I get the essence. Some are friends some aren’t and they were trying to wind you up? I agree no one needs to be that interested in each others lives if it means it leads to this kind of behaviour - toxicity. People have real stuff going on in their lives. All I can say is these people clearly don’t so they use work to create drama. Women can be awful, I don’t understand why some enjoy being so horrible and judgmental. It’s a total waste of time and energy when you could be having far more interesting conversations!!

Edited

They were bitchy about two colleagues being friends and showed me pics of them out together. I just didn’t understand why it bothered them so much especially when they were also friends with a colleague outside of work. I just shrugged and went ‘right ok’ as I couldn’t care less. As you say clearly not much else going on in their lives

OP posts:
MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/02/2025 09:22

NMc16 · 02/02/2025 08:17

They were bitchy about two colleagues being friends and showed me pics of them out together. I just didn’t understand why it bothered them so much especially when they were also friends with a colleague outside of work. I just shrugged and went ‘right ok’ as I couldn’t care less. As you say clearly not much else going on in their lives

I see, I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Are you likely to bump into them? If not unfriend and move on. Be prepared next time. Keep to yourself in your next work place until you get to know them, see what they talk about, if they’re talking about someone, they’re talking about you so don’t engage. Maybe it was the kind of organisation you worked in, maybe there was toxic environment. I once worked in a situation like that. I put up with it for too long. When I started working elsewhere it was a breathe of fresh air!! Enjoy your baby when he/she arrives and don’t worry! Hopefully your next job / organisation will be better.

Spurber · 02/02/2025 09:23

Just get over it already and move on.

VanillaVein · 02/02/2025 10:09

YANBU at all.That's exactly why I left my previous job. Unfortunately some women don't grow out of the bitchy, immature playground behaviour.

HipMax · 02/02/2025 10:44

NMc16 · 02/02/2025 08:17

They were bitchy about two colleagues being friends and showed me pics of them out together. I just didn’t understand why it bothered them so much especially when they were also friends with a colleague outside of work. I just shrugged and went ‘right ok’ as I couldn’t care less. As you say clearly not much else going on in their lives

I guess the same could be same could be said about you. What do you care who is saying what? You don't even work there. Is there not much else going on in your life?

NMc16 · 02/02/2025 13:29

HipMax · 02/02/2025 10:44

I guess the same could be same could be said about you. What do you care who is saying what? You don't even work there. Is there not much else going on in your life?

I see your point but I just get really triggered by people when they behave a certain way when I shouldn’t really care what they think or do

OP posts:
OnlyLittleOldMe · 03/02/2025 06:56

I worked a place where you could rely on your colleagues to support you whrn your life at home sucked. Whether it was a long term thing or a blip. I liked that. We were all friends outside work too. In fact I’m still friends with a few of them and still meet up for lunch. If someone came in that didn’t want to share it was OK too no one was “butcher” about for that. We did sometimes disagree with each other but it rarely went to bitchyness

HipMax · 03/02/2025 08:06

NMc16 · 02/02/2025 13:29

I see your point but I just get really triggered by people when they behave a certain way when I shouldn’t really care what they think or do

You get really "triggered" by people doing exactly the same as you?

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