AIBU to expect anything from school regarding suspected ADHD in DD9?

[Hightideattheseaside]

Strongly suspect my daughter is inattentive ADHD and have done for a long time. She struggles to concentrate so much and has started to notice she is struggling compared to peers. Homework is a tough slog. She so much support, constant reminding of the task at hand, multiple explanations of things. You can see her switch off as you talk to her. She forgets an instruction seconds after being told. Seems to physically struggle to concentrate. I could go on and on.

School just say she is fine. I know she doesn’t like to speak up if she doesn’t understand and gets her friends to fill her in a lot. I know things are so stretched at schools and if she is masking and muddling along she won’t be a priority when they have kids acting out etc.

AIBU to expect anything from school and should I just go down the private help route? Though I’ve heard private diagnosis aren’t accepted?

I just want it recognised so she can have help and allowances as needed. Especially when she gets to secondary.

Totally depends on the school. Is she on the sen register? Can you request a meeting with the senco? Maybe a visit to your GP and even private assessment will give them enough evidence to do something about it. You can also contact SENDIAS who may be able to advise

Not on sen register. Waiting for teacher to come back from sick next week and will arrange a meeting g and push for meeting with the senco. I will look into SENDIAS thanks. Not heard of them

What have you done with her to help develop her concentration span?

You won’t get anywhere with an ADHD diagnosis until it’s noticed in school too (don’t worry, if she has ADHD, it will be - just maybe not quite yet). Symptoms have to be present across more than one setting.

If she is genuinely managing ok in school, is the only stress the homework? Homework is supposed to be done largely alone, and a max of 20 minute generally. Therefore my suggestion is that you don’t get over involved with it, and when it’s flagged up that she isn’t completing the majority, they’ll ask why and you can explain. For as long as you ‘fight’ to get pen to paper and get it completed to an acceptable standard, you’re also masking the ADHD symptoms on her behalf, if that makes sense?

The reality is, if she’s got ADHD she will have used everything she’s got just to get through the school day successfully. She will be mentally so exhausted, it’s no wonder she can’t also focus on homework.

In my experience, by year 6 latest the work ramps up to a level that she won’t be able to mask it in school, aided by help from friends etc. Once it’s noticed in both school and home settings, you can look at diagnosis.

Regarding private diagnosis - these are accepted as long as done to NICE guidelines.

We try and break the tasks into small chunks. Try and give clear specific instructions rather than be vague. Try and do homework in the morning when her concentration is slightly better

I’m not expecting miracles from school or them to “fix” it. I just want it acknowledged so she can get extra time or help of needed, especially when work loads increase at secondary.

As @Nina1013 said. ADHD needs to be present at school and home for a referral to be accepted. I believe that ADHD can't be masked like ASD

Just go private. But get put on the NHS waitlist first. Then, if she is diagnosed you will be paying privately for a couple of years probably but can then be moved over to NHS prescribing once you are finally seen.

I recommend psychiatry UK, their service is great and it’s not as expensive as you might expect. We wasted two years messing about trying to decide if we should go for an assessment for DD, and then sitting on NHS list.

By the time we finally went privately, she was already out of school due to stress causing an absolute breakdown, which meant she had to be fast-tracked to CAMHS (school said she was “fine”, of course!).

The medication has been truly life changing for her. Within a few months of taking it she was no longer a “school refuser”. She is in secondary school full-time now and is making so much progress and starting to catch up with her peers, despite having missed two years of primary school.

Do you have other children, and is she noticeably different from them? Many nine year olds have to be prompted and switch off when a parent is trying to explain things they find difficult and uninteresting. I know I did, and I don't have ADHD.

I'm not saying she doesn't have it, just that what you are describing could be a number of different things from anxiety about being able to do the work to slow learning to processing difficulties to poor teaching to just being nine.

I suspect my now 10yo has inattentive adhd and last year was the first time a teacher had picked up on it and backed a referral going in. This year's teacher hasn't noticed at all and put her with kids known for messing around and being distracting which isn't ideal. Her comment when I mentioned it was that she can probably get away with it because the work starts quite easy in year 5 and she's pretty good academically.

Is she managing at school at the moment? I'd be tempted to go private in your circumstances. We are working on noticing when she mind wanders and trying to bring it back.

It's frustrating when you can see the issue but school can't.

Also, although school claim things are fine, get them to fill in the ADHD referral form then have a look.. DD’s ADHD symptoms (and signs of autism) were actually all over the feedback that the class teacher gave, but I don’t think school actually realised that it was what they were seeing and describing! (Probably because they are still the “ADHD = naughty boy jumping on table” mindset”)

A girl who is well-behaved but a bit of a “daydreamer” is more easily missed, especially if she is working incredibly hard to try and keep up, despite the toll that is taking

@Nina1013 that makes total sense. We probably should step back from helping her so much so school can notice. Good point. Thank you.

Exactly this.

I would be cautious here as this scenario happened to close friends. Original school didn't notice / wouldn't support ADHD diagnosis. Tbh there were big issues with teachers and SEN provision at the school.

Friends changed to a more supportive school. New school did support diagnosis and our friend went private to expediate the diagnosis. Their DD is really well supported and finally enjoying her learning now.

Ime ADHD absolutely can be masked, especially inattentive. More so if those around are not familiar with inattentive ADHD.

Ask GP for a referal to CAHMS. It will probably be rejected so expected to go down the private route. Make the private provider follows the NICE guidelines.

Have you spoken to the class teacher? If yea ask for a meeting with the class teacher and SENCO, take a list of your specific areas of concerns, even things like sleep which aren’t happening at home but maybe a concern. In an ideally world you would like them to get an ed psych in to observe but that is unlikely. Ask if they can referal to a service like language and communication who are a gateway service. ADHD and autism present differently in girls compared to boys and there isn’t enough if any training on it.

No it doesn’t, it needs to be present in 2 different settings, they dont have to be school, however school is usually the most obvious along with home.
Out of school clubs, after school and weekend activities, child minder etc are all acceptable.

How else do school refusers get diagnosed!

As a pp said, your helping her hide the adhd behaviours. Hard as it is you need to let the behaviours show sometimes. Our natural instinct is to help so it’s bloody hard to not, I feel that with my own adhd child, but sometimes needs must!
it’s great your teaching her coping strategies and she will certainly need them but in the short term you’ve got to let her be adhd.

if money isn’t an issue you can get a private QB test (used as a tool in diagnosis) to help demonstrate she may have adhd.

also look at right to choose (https://adhduk.co.uk/right-to-choose/)
basically nhs pay for you to go private, it’s quicker than nhs but not as quick as private and the dx is more likely to be accepted elsewhere. If you do this make sure you choose a provider who offers titration (getting the medication right)