Am I being too sensitive?

[Firsttimemum256]

I have a 6 month old who I have probably spent no more than 2 hours apart from since he was born (only to do the food shop or while DH has took him to his grandparents). DH wants to go for a meal out just us two for Valentine’s Day, and potentially a night away. I think even just a couple of hours just the two of us would be amazing and well needed. However, I can’t help but feel that it would be a massive ask for my DM to have DS for even a couple of hours on a Saturday evening. I would refrain from asking PIL as although they would be happy to have the baby we’ve had a couple of issues since he has been born with regards to breaking boundaries, which also happened with SIL children. Am I being too sensitive thinking that asking my DM to watch him for a few hours on an evening is too much to ask? She is a very anxious person and I am very aware that my son is my responsibility and I probably surrended every opportunity to have date nights for a few years when having a baby.

It depends what your DM is comfortable doing. I don't think an evening is a big ask if she is willing to do it, but you probably need to have a conversation with her about it to see if she would want to, and don't push if she doesn't.

Quite a normal ask. Would he be asleep? Go someone local so you can come back if necessary. My parents always babysit mine when babies, but they weren’t that old as I had mine fairly young. Depends if your DM is comfortable with the ask.

Is there a reason you haven't been away from him at all? I really would start to do this. It's not just about date night. There's plenty else you might want or need to do child free. Start slowly with an evening, or afternoon and build up with whatever you, baby and your mum or whoever feels comfortable with. So you not even leave him with his dad?

Ask in a way that makes it possible for her to say no without feeling bad. But surely it's better to let the people who actually want to do it look after him?

hes been left with his dad a handful of times, the reason being is honestly I just don’t feel comfortable being apart from him, but I’m starting to recognise I do need a bit of time away now as I’m getting quite overwhelmed etc at times

Im sure people will be able to be more helpful than me who had similar struggles. I really didn't and was off and out v v early on with my two. All I can say is it's important for all three of you to get going on this. Your DH can't develop his own relationship with her if you're always there and she needs to be able to form healthy relationships with others too. I wish you luck.

Asking Granny to babysit for 3 hours is hardly a huge ask - sounds like you've inherited some of her anxious qualities. Sure it would be fine to ask PIL too....they cant break that many boundaries in one evening

Perfectly normal. What's these boundaries the PIL have broken? Are they these types of ridiculous rules or something proper like giving your BF kid formula?

Honestly this is nonsense. I breastfed mine and my first refused a bottle so I was barely away from her for the first year. Her dad and other family members still managed to develop close relationships with her and she grew into a confident, sociable child. There is no need for a mother to be away from her baby from the baby's point of view.

However, it sounds like this is something YOU want to do, OP. Which is absolutely fine and a few hours baby free would do you good if you are starting to feel overwhelmed. I don't think it's too big an ask for you mum to look after him for a few hours if she's happy to do this. Would day time be easier? Maybe start by going out for lunch to see how they both get on?

I didn't leave mine when they were really little either, it got easier once they were talking. Id never leave a 6 month old overnight but I don't think it's a big ask for you to ask your mum to watch baby for a couple of hours but only you know her to know if you think she's a suitable caregiver or if she wouldn't cope.

I think for the sake of your relationship it's really important you do this. He's not a new born, it's a couple of hours, it'll do you both good (as in you and DH).

Why don’t you ask her and see what she says? The worst that can happen is she says no. You mentioned that she’s an anxious person but she managed to raise you, so perhaps caring for children/grandchildren is not a trigger? I wouldn’t hesitate to ask my mum to look after my children for the odd night out, but then I’m very close to my mum and I know she would love to be asked!

At 6 months old mine stayed overnight with GP. Baby and granny will be fine for 2 hours. DH is saying he wants you to be his wife as well as a mother.

I wouldn’t go straight in with an overnight after what you have described (you can build up to that as baby gets older/DM gets more confident) but you and baby will be absolutely fine with grandma looking after him for 2-3 hours while you have a nice meal.

Have a chat with your DM and see what she thinks then go from there.

I wouldn't have been more than 2hrs apart from any of my three at 6 months. There's nothing wrong with that.

Ask your mum. If she looks horrified then discuss what she'd be happy to do. With mobile phones she can keep in contact easily.

I'd suggest though going day before or day after Valentine's day for a meal out because the service will be quicker!