Asking for cash for a birthday present instead of physical gifts

[Oopsididitagain27]

Let's just say your son's friend is turning 8. Invitations to the party went out several weeks ago. Less than a week before the party, his dad sends a (unprompted) message to the parents of the invitees saying we already have enough stuff so please no presents, just cash if you'd like to give a gift. Many of the parents will have already purchased a present, given the short amount of time until the party.

Not sure if relevant but I should add: the family are minted and many of the invitees are not.

Are they being unreasonable?

They probably have been asked lots of times by other parents of invited kids!
Yeah it's a clumsy way of doing it but I don't see it as rude

It's not worded beautifully but it's fine.

They probably swamped with presents from Xmas and want to spread it out. My eldest had a large class party and I had to store some of the presents in the car in the end.

He didn't word it very nicely, said it too late and it seems a bit uncomfortable but society needs to evolve away from how we currently do gifts so it's kind of cool he just stated this. Two left socks' comment about the same tenner made me LOL. By the way we should all stop buying other people's kids toys that take batteries. Usually noisy, always plastic and always need new batteries.

I love being asked for cash instead of gifts. It saves me thinking about what they might like, wondering whether they might already have whatever I've bought, wasting money on cheap crap etc. Much better to give money they can save towards something bigger and better.

We all need to buy less stuff. I think it's fine.

We've got to stop buying stuff. Most parents in the parties my GC go to, put money in a card. His message has probably come off the back of someone asking what can they get. MN is weird about this, if it's put in the invitation it's cringe/grabby etc. In RL most people breathe a sigh if relief at not having to find something to buy.

@arcticpandas it's the norm to give something if attending a party in the UK. So perfectly polite to statd a preference.

I’m happy with cash for a wedding, but it does depend on how it’s worded, so cringe-making ‘poems’ are a complete no-no as far as I’m concerned.

The last couple we gave cash to, explained that their flat was very small and they already had everything they needed, but if we’d like to contribute to their honeymoon they’d be very grateful.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d much rather stick cash in a card than rack my brains for something they might like - but very likely won’t.

What a nob. As others have said, the presents may have already been bought. But also his son will be going to his friends’ parties and seeing that he is the only one who isn’t given gifts.

Thanks for telling me it's the norm to give a present when invited for a birthday, I had no idea.
It is rude to invite someone and say X wants money though. If asked you can state a preference but you should wait until asked. You don't know if someone might have financial problems and maybe will regift sometimes her dc doesn't want. I know one mum who always did this because she just couldn't afford to put 10£ in an enveloppe every time. And 10£ is the minimum you can put or your child will be embarrassed because most put 15£, some 10 or 20£. I even offered to this mum to get a gift from her dc myself but she had too much pride.

So yes for me cash gift is easy but for others this can be problematic..

It's still a bit cheeky though isn't it. I'd bet they'd be gossiping too if u turned up with nothing, even though they've worded it as though they don't expect or mind.

My kids have parties every year and I'd never send that message even though cash wld be my preference. We have a ridiculous amount of "stuff". My kids though wld probably prefer the presents.

We had some gift cards and cash at my recent 5yr olds party. Mostly it seems to be £10-£20. My 5yr old got 2 x £10 and 2 x £20 gift cards. It puts pressure on some parents who maybe can't afford £10 but wouldn't want to give less if it's cash.

I like to do a bit of both I often give £10 cash and then a gift at £5-10. As they get older though it will be just be cash I think.

The amount of plastic tat bought is crazy! Personally, I’d have insisted people please didn’t gift but if they absolute must, a card and money to go towards something (give an example) or an experience would be appreciated.

It’s like everything these days, people feel the need to gift and put zero thought into it. The number of photo frames I got as a wedding gift despite asking people not to gift was insane. It’s the same at baby showers with the stuff you’ll never use. Buy a book if you have to buy something! Something thoughtful!

I always put thought into gifts and usually gift experiences or give vouchers for something I know they want to do or somewhere they want to go but you might not do that for 30+ 8 year olds in the classroom so I don’t see a problem with this set of parents request.

Unlike if you give the child an actual present when the parents might decide it's plastic tat and regift it to the next child with a party?

It’s so rude. It’s very entitled and doesn’t understand that not everyone has a big budget for gifts. Also miserable for the birthday kids. Bet a young lad is not on board with getting no gifts. Just ignore the rude Dad and give whatever you would have given before.

I think it is a great idea. I would stick a tenner in the card and put aside the gift for the next birthday.

I wish I had the courage in reception to just say "Let's all do no presents and £5 at most in a card for birthdays" on the class WhatsApp group. I would have saved so much time and money, and I'm sure most of the gifts aren't used.

This is why it is rubbish having a January birthday - you get regifted junk.