Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for cash for a birthday present instead of physical gifts

40 replies

Oopsididitagain27 · 28/01/2025 19:42

Let's just say your son's friend is turning 8. Invitations to the party went out several weeks ago. Less than a week before the party, his dad sends a (unprompted) message to the parents of the invitees saying we already have enough stuff so please no presents, just cash if you'd like to give a gift. Many of the parents will have already purchased a present, given the short amount of time until the party.

Not sure if relevant but I should add: the family are minted and many of the invitees are not.

Are they being unreasonable?

OP posts:
napody · 28/01/2025 19:43

Yup rude. Fine to say no presents but not to suggest cash.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 28/01/2025 19:48

Yes, ureasonable.

If everyone did this then you might as well just keep handing the same tenner round. You wouldn't even need to open the envelope, just tick your name off and pass it on.

Coffeeishot · 28/01/2025 19:50

It's maybe a bit clumsily worded but its January kids have just had Christmas what are they going to do with more toys! Saying that if I'd bought the gift already I'd give it.

arcticpandas · 28/01/2025 19:56

It's not polite that's for sure. Normally you wait until you're asked (if asked) to give gift ideas for your DC.

Whaleandsnail6 · 28/01/2025 19:57

Very rude, especially if its a school friend type party and not someone the family is close to

I used to bulk buy gifts suitable for school friend parties if I saw things on sale so whilst they would get a nice present, the equivalent to money would only be around £5-7 which seems too little to give.

I'd just take the present to the party, they'd be super rude to call you out on it!

Han86 · 28/01/2025 19:59

I understand the dad's point, but how he has said this is rude.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 28/01/2025 20:02

No issue at all with the idea, but timing isn't great; neither is wording. Others might find it rude, I'd be delighted to read "Johnny is saving up for something so, while no presents are expected, if you'd like to give him a gift he'd love a coin in a card" or similar.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 28/01/2025 20:02

we already have enough stuff so please no presents, just cash if you'd like to give a gift

I don’t think it is rude at all. We need to have less consumerism and cheap plastic toys for young kids to help the environment and climate crisis. Cash for kids on birthdays is a good present as they can save up towards something, give a bit to charity….learn the value of money.

The dad even made a gift optional- “cash if you’d like to give a gift” so you don’t even have to give any gift at all.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 28/01/2025 20:03

TheWayTheLightFalls · 28/01/2025 20:02

No issue at all with the idea, but timing isn't great; neither is wording. Others might find it rude, I'd be delighted to read "Johnny is saving up for something so, while no presents are expected, if you'd like to give him a gift he'd love a coin in a card" or similar.

Why is your wording better? You didn’t even say please and the dad did?

TheWayTheLightFalls · 28/01/2025 20:37

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 28/01/2025 20:03

Why is your wording better? You didn’t even say please and the dad did?

Show quote history

I think "we already have enough stuff" is particularly rude, so I was trying to re-word that and remove the expectation of presents altogether. But I've no issue at all with the underlying message, as I said. I know some people would take issue.

TooBigForMyBoots · 28/01/2025 20:41

I'd totally understand and have no issue at all. Easy to do and no waste.

Good on that parent.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 28/01/2025 21:12

I have no issue giving money instead of a present as it removes the need for me to think. However, I would never demand it from people. If they asked for suggestions, I might suggest it. DD1 is 11 and loves getting money as she can choose what she wants.

PercyFone · 28/01/2025 21:46

DD has a birthday right after Christmas, so I really understand the sentiment. We have far too much stuff!

But I also totally understand that it's a tight month for many. Also, I have some vague manners! So if people ask, I just say there's no need for a present.

gamerchick · 28/01/2025 21:49

People think it's fine to ask for cash for a wedding gift. Why is this different?

Just stick a fiver in a card.

Shubbypubby · 28/01/2025 21:49

I always give money for kids' birthday presents because I'm lazy but I think it's rude to specify. You get what you're given.

Readmorebooks40 · 28/01/2025 21:55

I always put a £10/15 in a card for birthdays. I've two kids and they get lots of presents on their birthdays from very kind people but half of it they don't want or need e.g. Barbies, dolls for my daughter who doesn't like dolls etc. I really hate waste and having the house coming down with more plastic things. I know it sounds ungrateful but we really are destroying our planet with so much plastic tat. My two love getting money or a voucher and the excitement of choosing what they want. They would be more than happy with a £5. If everyone gave a £5 it would be cheaper for the parents and kids could buy exactly what they want but it does sound cheeky to ask. So I agree with the father but he probably should have put that on the invite.

Thirstysue · 02/02/2025 16:53

It's Feb 2nd. Any kid having a party between now and April gets a regift from the unopened Chsitmas crap pile.

Poppyseeds79 · 02/02/2025 17:19

I mean he could have said "We value your child attending the party, more than getting a gift. If you would still like to give something to the birthday boy then a small contribution to his savings would be nice. Thank you'.

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 02/02/2025 17:25

I personally much prefer giving cash as it’s quick and easy and I don’t need to wrap it or listen to my child whinging about how they want whatever I’ve bought for birthday child.

I’d breathe a sigh of relief seeing that on an invite but I do understand that some people prefer gifts or have a little stash of stuff to give from. When the kids were small we had some tight times financially and I could regift something we’d had a duplicate of.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/02/2025 17:27

It's rude.
If they don't want more 'stuff', which makes a lot of sense, why not say PLEASE no presents, but if you'd like to give something, donate small amount to a charity of your choice.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/02/2025 17:29

just cash if you'd like to give a gift

It was a suggestion for people who would feel uncomfortable giving nothing.

It's not a demand, it could have been a bit more sweet to avoid anyone being offended.

I personally wouldn't be offended..

Sunflowersanddaffodils · 02/02/2025 17:29

I would have no problem with that message, and if I had already bought a gift (which I wouldn't have as I'm very last minute) I would just stick the present I'd bought in a drawer ready for the next party.

Notgivenuphope · 02/02/2025 17:41

I wouldn’t for a kid that age.
Parents might pocket it or dictate how it’s spent

Tricho · 02/02/2025 18:08

As someone who uses credit very responsibly and almost 100% exclusively- I think a cash only edict is ridiculous, as I'm sure many others do for the same reason.

I'd get them the loudest, largest most cumbersome mugs eyeful gift I could find.

Mama2many73 · 02/02/2025 18:13

gamerchick · 28/01/2025 21:49

People think it's fine to ask for cash for a wedding gift. Why is this different?

Just stick a fiver in a card.

I really dont think it's OK to ask for cash for a wedding.
Again if a guest approaches and asks for ideas then cash can be suggested, but in an invite with that crass poem that does the rounds?! Nope!