AIBU Saying No to Be The Executor

[dramaaaalamaaaa]

My parents have asked me to be their executor, I'm one of three. I've done fairly well for myself, I don't need their money, I'm very grateful for the upbringing that got me here. My siblings, one is a stay at home parent with limited funds, the other is a divorced parent with multiple career restarts. Both have taken substantial handouts from my parents over the years, and likely will continue to do so until their passing. My parents have done well for themselves and probably will leave around two million in assets (though who knows, I wish they would just use it/gift it to charity). My issue is that I am being asked to be the executor but I don't live anywhere near them anymore, and won't be moving home. I am being asked this as I am likely to be fair and apply their will as requested (which is an equal split, supposedly tracking and deducting all the handouts including future ones to maintain the split). The others are likely to bicker over finances. Only one of us is physically near home. I don't know the pitfalls that being an executor could be as i've never done this before, and the request is making me nervous that I could end up being part of a dispute, or it just takes all of my non existent time while i'm at the other side of the world. I'm grateful to my parents but don't understand the implications of this fully. If anyone has any experience i'm all ears.

YABU to say no
YANBU to say no

I'd be it because it's better than the others doing a shoddy job and you getting drawn in without any power to make decisions.

You could be executor and then appoint a solicitor to act on your behalf when the times comes. Who know how much may have changed between now and then.

From their point of view, you are their best option of their children.

You don't have to live near someone to be their executor, it's mainly about paperwork.
It sounds like they trust you to be fair, honest and adhere to their instructions in their wills.

I would do it for my parents; I like them, we get on and i would take it seriously and do as they wanted.

Just say no and tell them to appoint their solicitor as executor. It saves all the hassle of dealing with siblings. Doing the executorship/probate is a time consuming job, and it's unfair they expect you to do it whilst your siblings will get the benefit. Yes, a solicitor will cost money, but if the estate is worth £2m, there's plenty of money for it.

My MIL has just died and stipulated the solicitor to be the solicitor upon our recommendation. OH and sister don't really get on, and it would have fallen on OH to deal with the probate etc as sister hasn't a clue about financial matters. She'd have argued and questioned everything. Just not worth the hassle. Solicitor has quoted £5k to deal with the estate (approx £250k) and sister has already started quibbling and arguing about it. As I say, not worth the hassle and stress! We're so glad that MIL took on our suggestion to use the solicitor!

If they’re wealthy as you say then I’d suggest that a solicitor would be the best person for the job. Explain that you don’t want to sabotage your relationship with your siblings over money.

Just agree and hire a solicitor to do it when it comes to it. Their fee will be taken from the estate.

Also, the solicitors fees will be paid out of the estate, so the three siblings will effectively pay a third each, so the only cost to you will be a third of the solicitors fees which isn't a lot considering the amount of work you'd have to do if you took on the executorship role.

Tell parents to appoint Solicitor to act as Executor. Well worth the money to avoid rows and ensures the estate is dealt with properly and professionally.

Better for the solicitor to be appointed executor in the will, that way the arguments with the siblings will be less! You can bet if OP is named as executor, the siblings will argue and challenge why she won't do it, and then blame her for the solicitors costs!

I'm the executor for my parents wills and I accepted on the premise that they were happy for me to appoint a solicitor to be paid from the estate. I will be instructing the solicitor that they are able to discuss the matter with any of my siblings if they should call with a query or for an update. I am one of many siblings and also cannot be arsed with any potential fall out.

An estate that size will be a pain to put through probate. If you agree, then hand it over to a legal firm to do everything. Otherwise ask them to appoint their solicitor for the job. Either way the company will take a fee, bit it's worth it.

I was executor for my DH will. Although I'd done probate for my dad, I couldn't face doing DH's. I contacted a well known company that has a legal services arm that charged a fixed fee (not a percentage), and they handled it all. They'll ask you hundreds of questions, and there will be some forms to sign, but you don't have the worry of completing the forms correctly (especially the HMRC ones).

It's just being the person to go to and signing things off, but you can appoint a solicitor to help an advise. Living nearby is irrelevant.

if you don’t agree to serve, the task will likely go to one of your siblings. I would really consider agreeing, on the understanding that you will be using estate fund to hire an expert to do the actual work.

you also don’t have to say anything now. As executor, you can just take the proper steps to hire someone when the time comes. you can also refuse at that time and it goes to the backup, who perhaps will be in a better position by then.

Thank you - this is exactly the kind of solution that I think would work out for everyone. Hugely appreciate this and all the other responses.

The best way to avoid fall outs at that time would be for your parents now to draw something up specifying what money they have already given out to your siblings , and get everyone to sign and date it (they should of course take advice from a solicitor on this). Otherwise there is bound to be disagreement about who received what and when which could drag out the whole process for a long time and may never be resolved fully or fairly.

It's better for you to be executor and appoint a solicitor rather than for a solicitor to be named as executor.

Reason being that if you appoint the solicitor you can replace them if they're crap, whereas if the solicitor is named as executor it's very difficult to change them.

This.

One reason to not appoint a solicitor in a Will is that they are very hard to change if they don’t do it properly. if you are put as executor you can appoint a solicitor to act on your behalf, but if they aren’t doing the job you can replace them.

You could even ask your parents to include a letter recommending a solicitor to you but leaving the actual appointment as your decision. I understand this is what my parents have done.

Cross posted!

@dramaaaalamaaaa actually, with an estate that size, you will need to use a solicitor anyway. they will do all the work. just ask your parent to write in a notebook, who has had what amount of money over the years and in the future till they die. then pass that on to solicitor telling him that the amounts have to be deducted from their shares of the estate. the solicitor will do the rest.

I said no and was completely ignored by my mum and dad. So when the time comes I will appoint a solicitor. Their will is tricky and I just won't subject myself to the stress and aggravation.

If you agree make it on condition that all the paperwork is in one place. Solicitors are great at probate but you need to send them all the paperwork or have a knowledge of the accounts and shareholding that are held. You don’t need to know the amounts but the account name and number is extremely helpful. It will also be useful if you need to take charge of financial affairs before they die. Again an accountant (one did my parents tax returns) can help there but you still need a grip of the papers.

I was executor for my aunt for an estate of quarter of a million. I handed it over to lawyers as that felt too much for me to deal with. Total bill was c£20k and included dealing with some unknown land issues. I guess unless you're used to dealing with that amount of money the I would hand over to lawyer. Actually your parents could just appoint a lawyer - would they consider that?

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you can let them know in advance that is what you'll do - or say that you may do that depending on time commitments.

I'd sooner do that than leave it up to flaky siblings.

A word of caution 're solicitors and wills. I know a lady who is still waiting 5 years on from her husband's death...the solicitor doesn't actually do the work, the admin team do but you get charged for a solicitor.
another sold their business/got taken over....every file got out into storage and the customers charged to recover and still they started from scratch.

Personally I would do it. It's mainly admin. I would share everything with the family and show all.figures clearly so there is no room for argument. Pointing out that if one of them is not happy you will only talk to their solicitors paid for from their share. I would get your parents to tell them.that now.