Magnanimous gesture disguised as an opportunity to profit?

[Beemagirl]

My neighbour offered to help out my disabled son FOC seemingly out of sympathy for his plight. His condition is progressive and ultimately terminal.

I took him up on his offer and asked for a simple shelf to be fitted. I did say I was grateful for his offer of help and prepared to pay - because that's how I was brought up.

The shelf was fitted, it took all of 10 minutes and I thanked him. He offered to do any other jobs needed and we said we'd let him know. I did say please let me know what your costs were - actually meaning materials but to be fair I did mention labour too. I expected him to say - "oh no it's fine it only took me 10 minutes - just pay me for the materials". Instead, he said nothing (in front of my son).

Later I messaged again thanking him and mentioning the costs because I thought maybe he didn't want to say in front of my son that he'd worked for free. However, he messaged saying I owed him £30 labour and £35 for the materials. I was a little taken aback but to be fair, put it down to experience and did say I would drop the cash around to him. However, I didn't say when, intending to do it at the end of the month (a couple of weeks later).

DH was furious - not at the amount but the fact he thought he'd been greedy and taken advantage of my son's sad plight. I said, to be fair I did offer. I just didn't expect the response - thinking what I would have done in the same circumstances.

Then he messaged chasing the cash and saying the alternative was to pay via bank transfer but then he'd have to charge me tax! Clearly a veiled threat to make me pay up.

I responded saying I was taken aback as I had expected him to follow through with his gesture but if he was desperate for the cash I'd drop it round tomorrow, but needless to say, we didn't need any more work doing, and thanked him. I have no desire to fall out with him.

He came back and said he usually charges £70 per hour and there was also his fuel (deisel for a 13.5 mile round trip) and he'd charged a fraction of what he'd normally charge and so he wasn't really making much at all. He then said I could just pay the materials and copied me into the message I'd sent offering to pay.

Of course, I will pay the full amount and take full responsibility for my naivety. I couldn't give a jot about the cost, but I can't help feeling disappointed that a seemingly magnanimous gesture somehow turned into an opportunity for profit.

But am I being unreasonable?

Perhaps you were a little naive, but that’s no excuse for his behaviour. Is he a professional decorator/builder/joiner or something? In which case it’s always , ALWAYS best to ask for an invoice to keep everything straightforward.
Honestly, it’s either invoice or no thank you, trust me this will save you untold grief.
And when you pay him, insist on a receipt. You have your own finances to manage so it’s a perfectly reasonable request, and if the shelf falls off you’ll have recourse.

Yanbu, he is a cheeky fucker

Sorry to hear about your son, op.x

You kept asking about paying after he'd said it was free
He's mentioned what he would normally charge to show you he was still doing it cheap after you then were disappointed he wanted paying like you'd kept saying you would

He offered to do it FOC.

You were relentless in asking him how much you owed him.

Your fault.

You should have accepted his initial kind gesture instead of banging on and on asking how much you owed him.

Could you have misunderstood 'I can help with that'/'Is there anything that needs to be done?' as 'I will valiantly do everything I usually make a living from for free because I am so touched by your son's plight' instead of 'I do this for a living - are you interested in booking me?'

If it was offered to me FOC, then I would have clarified that he didn’t want money for materials or labour, and when he confirmed that was the case I would have gone ahead with the work and then given him a nice bottle of wine (or his preferred poison - I paid for a new car battery with a crate of Budweiser once) at the end and then left some nice reviews online for his business. I wouldn’t have kept having the conversation and offering money afterwards.

You need to work on your communication skills! It sounds like you were really insistent that you pay him then got the hump when he then took you up on your offer. Then when he told you the price, you didn’t tell him it’d be a few weeks til you paid him.

He offered to do it for free, and then you offered repeatedly to pay. I don't think he was unreasonable to then think you wanted to pay. It's odd that he's being funny about chasing the money now, but I think offering to pay three times takes it beyond a polite gesture.
I'm sorry about your son.

Why would a neighbour charge mileage?

Sounds like the opposite of your thread title...

Did he actually say FoC? If so that's really crap of him. Bad enough that he expected you to pay that much anyway, but doubly
so of he'd offered for free!

If you thought he would do it for free, why did you tell him you were prepared to pay and then ask more than once how much you owed him?? Sounds like the guy is wrong-footed by you asking him to confirm the cost and then acting taken aback at being given one…

wtf - a taxi charge if you pay by bank transfer - what was that about?

That's a fair point tbh. And on reflection I do think he takes things very literally. Maybe I struggle with offers of free help even though inside I was super grateful. Lesson learned.

£70 an hour. Taking the piss. However, you're stuck now. The bastard has taken advantage.

Personally I'd tell every one I know what c you next Tuesday he is.

He didn't charge her £70 an hour. He charged her half that. If he's a builder, well it probably what he does charge

I'm guessing because if it's into his bank account then he'll pay tax on it but he can do it cash in hand and not

Son's house with his fiancée is 7 miles away.

He is a cf, must have been a big shelf if wood cost that much

"Woman pesters man to accept payment, is taken aback when he does"

I wouldn’t say I pestered him. Just offered. He never accepted (until the bill via message) but he also didn’t say “absolutely not, I said I would do it FOC so I will”. That’s what I would have done.

However I accept full responsibility, and the llesson learned - next time I’ll just say thank you and not offer to pay, but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to feel disappointed.

Something this sad situation with my son has revealed, certainly with tradesmen and “handy men”, because we’ve had to have all sorts done to his property to adapt it - is that everyone is on the make.

Don’t get me wrong we never expected charity but I’ve been unpleasantly surprised by people quite frankly taking the wotsit and charging exorbitant prices for simple and quick jobs.

It seems your average white van man won’t get out of bed for less than £100 these days no matter who the client is.

£70 to put a shelf up? Could neither you or your DH do it?
I'm incredulous people pay for basic DIY jobs.

When I read this you sounded like you really wanted to pay insisting twice. When someone offers to do something FOC (small job 30 min max) I insist on paying materiel and I bring over a gift that I know the person likes. Next time, try that😉

I also think your messaging was off. So I don't think he was taking the wotsit and charging exorbitant. I do think from your multiple posts under several user names your neighbour was trying to be kind. Your DH - not DS dad? - is probably right to be cross, but should be with you not the neighbour. Round my way (South East) ANY call out £100 min. Regardless of trade.

It was a long one high above a boiler and tumble dryer stacked on top of a washing machine inside a double door cupboard so I was quite wary of screwing into anything above the boiler and plug points otherwise I would have fitted it myself.

That was my plan, to gift him with something as a thank you. But as others have said I accept my messaging was probably off.