To not have my child in nursery.

[Cheesetoastiees]

I’ll start this by saying I have nothing against children going to nursery at any age. I genuinely think everyone does their best by their child and what works for them.

My DS 18 months was meant to go to nursery however because of job changes/financial circumstances he’s still at home with me and I’m enjoying the extra time together. However I have had loads of comments that because he rarely plays with other children (and isn’t interested other than watching or copying when he does) that he’s behind socially and with his words.

I don’t think he is, he has various words and can saying things like bye bye daddy and lets go, waves at people and likes to talk nonsense at anyone who will listen to him. He seems to be hitting his milestones and is mostly very happy. We go to classes and soft play a few times a week but mostly he’s at home with me and we do painting and things.

I make sure we go out every day and go to the park, shops sometimes the zoo or museum's. I arrange some play days every few weeks with cousins and friends and he sees his grandparents once a week.

However all these comments from various family members have got me worried that he is missing out from not seeing other toddlers loads. His speech is pretty much nonsense but he does have a good amount of words and is beginning to put some together. Family members are saying he’ll be behind socially when he does go to nursery, he’s missing out and he’ll struggle and his speech is very behind.

He is going to go to playgroup two mornings a week when he turns two but at the moment I was just enjoying being together however family have got me really worried that he’s missing out or somehow being disadvantaged. I couldn’t afford nursery anyway just now, having more time together has been the one lovely thing in an otherwise challenging time.

Both mine started at 1 for 3 days when I went back to work. I didn’t see any benefit until they were 2.5-3. Ie no friendships or real play etc.

When you have a lovely, enriching home environment like yours there’s absolutely no benefit to childcare before 3. It’s just supervision. If I were you OP I’d struggle with it unless I had regular breaks and so I am impressed you aren’t. But it definitely isn’t any detriment to your child. People seem to think nurseries are some kind of utopia. I often wondered why my kids were so content spending the day in the same room and small outdoor space (and I like the nursery and staff).

Everyone has an opinion about everything when you have children. Ignore them.

I think most kids are best off where possible with their mum until around 3 years old. Certainly worked out well for my eldest. And she took to it very well and was not behind other children socially at all.
My other kids will start a bit younger but that is because they want to, and get jealous of their elder sibling! So they will go from 2.5. And they are august birthday so it makes sense as they will only have a short time before they have to start school.

An 18 month old gains SO much from being with their mum everyday. Nursery is good for working parents. Pre schools are absolutely lovely and do prepare them for school, but really not necessary until a year or so before they have to start compulsory school.

Just do it how you want and afford. Ignore the busybodies. I think sitting down and reading is a good skill to do at home to help with listening skills and language. Sounds a lovely life you both have going on.💐

He's not missing out, kids that age do not "need" to be with their peers. It doesn't do them harm to be in nursery but the supposed social benefits get really overstated because it's just the norm now.

Neither of my children were in nursery that age and they are both happy, sociable kids now, and my eldest lived through the lockdowns at 18 months. Trust your instincts and ignore any comments, you sound like you're doing great.

Neither of mine went to nursery till they were 3 and a half. We did lots of games and cooking and painting and Lego and reading at home. We saw friends for lunch and play dates. They were used to spending time away from me with friends and family. They could both read before they went to school and went to top universities. Need I say more?

I imagine they might struggle a bit going straight from home to a school setting but most kids go to nursery prior to that to get them used to routine etc. (I guess around 3-3.5 ish?)
Before that, I doubt makes all that much difference in the long run, they'll catch up if they really are a bit behind on that type of socialisation.
My daughter has been in since 10 months, because I had to go back to work. There's pros and cons.

Agreed. However I would also say that socialisation is important for kids before they start school. Also, being without parents for short periods is important before school so that the transition is easier.

What I have heard from those I know as reception teachers (but happy to listen to those who are) is that they can always tell those kids who haven’t been to nursery as their socialisation is behind, they don’t always settle as well and their language is behind. Nothing irreversible but maybe consider when you kid gets older.

DD has just started nursery at 3. Hasn’t made the slightest difference to her in starting at that age. We did a number of groups and playgroups prior to her starting and then went to farms, museums, parks, the beach etc etc too.

Ignore them! Everyone will have an opinion on parenting. You do what’s right for you.

Where I am from children don't start kindergarten until 3 years old (and school at 6).

My LO is almost 2 and isn't at kindergarten yet. But we go to playgrounds, baby cafes etc few times a week.

I would not send my LO to a nursery before 3 unless I had to go back to work.

I would ignore their comments. It sounds like it works well for you and your DC, nothing else matters really.

I'll give you an answer my pal uses when her mother trotts out old fashioned, unsolicited advice.

What page of your published parenting guide is that from ?

Ignore them. Plenty of children don't go to nursery until they're 3 & they get on fine. I, personally, never went to nursery - only play group.

The reason there is universal 15 hour funding for children from the age of 3 is that is the point when children benefit from group activities without a parent.

There is no harm to starting nursery at a younger age, but it's not developmentally necessary. Exposing your child to lots of normal social activities at this age is more than enough - supermarkets, cafes, library visits, maybe the odd toddler group.

Sounds great to me! My little one started nursery 2 mornings a week at 2 and then gradually increased until school. The rest of the time was with me. I did it because she is very social and at that point holding full conversations and saying long sentences. But my current 22 month old I'm not considering nursery yet. She has a bigger sister, play dates, classes, trips out. I don't feel like she's ready but she will attend preschool from at least 3.

S1 went to nursery at 3y8m (had the option the previous January but wasn't out of nappies at the time).

His end-of-nursery report included the line "initially found aspects of social play difficult, such as sharing and taking turns, but now his shared play is much more caring and considerate"

Everything else he was absolutely fine with, mostly above average.

(He's 25 now and a teacher. Not the world's greatest social butterfly but at least as competent as his parents.)

Children enjoy nursery most once they are 3yo, when they are at the stage for peer play. At 18mths they are better at home and going out into the world if that is something you can do. Nurseries aren't bad, the children make friends and learn loads but because everything is set up for their age they get a bit institutionalised if there full time.

I don't think they need it at all at 18 months. If they start school without ever having been around a group of kids, that's not good. Some kind of mixing from the age of 3 or so is useful. Doesn't have to be nursery.

Thanks everyone. Feel a lot better having read the replies and will continue to do what we’re doing. We go to petting farms, museums, playgrounds, play cafes, soft play & visit friends/family. I’m always singing and reading to him as I enjoy it. I am still working just less hours so he has an afternoon a week with daddy and another with his Grandparents who both take him out too.
He will be going to a playgroup when he turns 2, two mornings a week without me and at 3 he’ll go to nursery a couple of days a week with government funded hours (in Scotland).

All the developmental studies say 3-3.5yrs is the age children actually start to benefit from childcare settings. Before that they are better off with their primary carer- if that person is coping and happy in themselves.

Both of mine started a few sessions between 2 and 2.5yrs just because I wanted some space then. They'd have been happy at home, both settled well then too. Sounds like you get him out and about and he does socialise with other children so I would continue as you are if you're both happy.

The children in my DS's nursery class barely acknowledged each other until they were 2.5 - 3 years old, before that they only really engaged with the nursery workers and played independently. Your DS is not missing out and it's lovely that you get to spend time with him at this age.

I'm really pleased you are getting so many supportive replies, OP. Here's one from me. Your son is clearly having a wonderful time with you. Mothers do know what's best for their child. I feel quite annoyed with your critical relatives as well.

My DD (only child, now 22) went to nursery from seven months and was very happy. My brother's wife gave up her career to be at home with their two so my brother could travel for work. My brother, at a big family dinner, pronounced self-righteously 'I wasn't going to have my children being nursery children'. He got a big mouthful from me. Conversely, an elderly friend with three children told me she always respected the approaches of the parents of her grandchildren, which were very different. It's an intelligent approach and one all grandparents should follow.

My GS 2.5 says he is playing with Ruby at nursery every morning even though she moved up a group in September!

You can't win with this stuff so do what you want, that's what I say. Your relatives can birth their own kids and send them to nursery. I don't care if they're elderly that's their problem.