Talking over other people

[ShushImTalking]

I have a family member who, in a chatting situation with a few people will just talk at the same time as someone else. I was asked a question, and before I could even open my mouth, they were burbling away. 😠 I was just reminded of this watching This Morning. Cat just couldn't keep quiet when the fashion item was on, it is irritating. I can't watch.
Not just me is it?

I'd find that difficult and it would really put me off talking.

I would answer the question but at a slightly louder volume.

I had a work colleague who talked over me, just one of many signs that he found me inferior. He tried it in a meeting and I adopted the Margaret Thatcher approach to being talked over in Parliament. I went back to the beginning of my sentence and repeated myself at a slightly louder volume. This went on three or four times until I was talking in a VERY firm and well projected fashion, my boss was visibly laughing, and the colleague gave up in disgust.

The following month he was informed that he would be reporting to me and he quit. An excellent result for all concerned.

I have no respect for people who do this and I'll actively avoid them,

I have some sympathy for people doing it when faced with someone who never stops talking and it's the only way to get a word in edgeways. That's obviously not what OP is doing though.

Im on the fence about this as somebody who does this to other people...I know I do it and I try so hard not to but the the problem with trying hard not to is that i spend a whole conversation not taking in what the person is actually saying because I myself am restraining myself from butting in. It's not because I dont think what they have to say is important but because I want to respond and something in my brain just triggers that response and often if I don't nt blurt out straight away I just forget what I was going to say and conversation goes nowhere anyway . I'm not a rude person and I get on very well with people and very much dislike it about myself but not everyone is doing it on purpose. In a professional capacity I am extremely mindful of it which can be exhausting to be honest and I think i must come across as a bit weird as i concentrate ha ha. Are they aware they are doing it do you think? Could they possibly just not be picking up on social cues for whatever reason?

Same. I am autistic and it's absolutely maddening for me too. I can't pick up on natural pauses in conversation and I either end up speaking out of turn or not have enough time to butt in before someone else does. I am sure I am hard work in conversations but this is why I surround myself with people who don't mind/know about my problem.

My DP of 6 years has got worse with this as he gets older and it drives me insane and often it’s him interrupting to “finish” my story but it’s completely wrong…

For my DP and probably your relative it’s an insecurity, low self-esteem issue ( not that it makes it better) and it means often chats are shorter as I hate it!!!

I'm also the same and have ADHD. I try really hard to work on it but it's so hard sometimes

My friend does this, she just starts talking about something completely different if I'm telling her something. I know it's not me talking too much as people have asked me how I put up with her because she's so annoying. I think she may have some kind of condition but I don't know what. She also flies off the handle easily and I've seen her verbally abuse people for no real reason.

I recently retired from a job where out of 7 colleagues 5 did this. For years. They ended up talking over themselves all the time as 2 of us just retreated and said nothing at all.

My brain can think now I'm no longer around them. It feels incredibly pleasant.

I find it difficult when in a group to hear what one person is saying if someone else is then talking over the top of them. I think it's rude.

I probably do need to be more Margaret Thatcher, and speak louder!

Call her out! Whatever the reason she’s doing it, it’s really unpleasant for other people. I bet your other family members hate it too.

“Doris, Fred asked me a question and I’m answering it. You can talk when I’ve answered him”. Repeat as necessary.

I understand that ND people can miss the social cues in conversation, but surely most can understand that when someone asks a specific other person a question, that isn’t an opportunity to start talking yourself? I know that not all can, I know several people (ND or not) who jump in, answer the question you’ve been asked (usually wrongly) and then move on to talking about what they want to.

Can this behaviour be unlearned by most people? I have a relative who is autistic, but has a deep insight into their behaviour and its causes, and has trained themself not to do things like this.

My husband does this and it's awful

DH did this recently, when we were at friends - I was talking, he started talking to one of the other guests. So I stopped what I was saying, and then said - very loudly - do you mind, I was speaking! He didn't like being shown up for it, but it did shut him up!

An incredibly irritating (as well as rude) thing to do.

I have noticed this alot more recently, someone will start a chat "so Doris how was the cruise?" Doris says "oh lovely we-" then suddenly MIL has turned to my DH and is asking about childcare arrangements for the next week. Poor dh is then like a deer in headlights to either acknowledge his mum or ignore poor Doris. I've actually noted recently traits of adhd in my mil and other family members who do this.

I try really really hard not to but have adhd, I'm much better with years of practice but it's through interest not disrespect that I do it

As it happens DD who has been diagnosed ADHD as an adult and I, undiagnosed, both do this. Apparently it is a symptom because we subconsciously think we will forget what we want to say.

I call people out when they do this. There's a girl at a hobby I do who will just come up to me and start talking, despite the fact I'm clearly listening to someone else. I will just say "I will talk to you in a minute, X was just talking". End of.

You could try the Kamala Harris approach "I'm speaking...I'm speaking."

I also like the Margaret Thatcher method too.

Your right it is (I work in adhd) however I'm autistic so really struggle with it.
makes for great fun with my life revolves around adhd people, including my family🙀

This is me too, I'm not ND at all just used to growing up in a household where if you didn't speak up you didn't speak.

I'm really, really trying to break the habit. It's so hard on Teams because cues are hard to read.

I think there is a difference between saying something relevant, and talking over someone and butting in with something totally off topic.

I'm sorry to anyone who gets offended by me, I'm trying! It's hard to break habits of a lifetime sometimes.

I'm exactly the same as you Moose. It really is an expression of interest and enthusiasm for the subject. It's an awful habit that I try to control. But there is zero negative intent on my side.

I completely understand this. But if someone else has been asked a question, it’s for them to answer. You shouldn’t be thinking about what you want to say, because you haven’t been invited to speak.
Is the problem that you’re not recognising that it isn’t appropriate for you to speak? Is it an overwhelming drive to speak, even though the question has clearly been directed at someone else?
I’m really interested in the root of why people do this. I worked with someone who did this to an extreme, she knew she did it and knew it annoyed others, but she wasn’t able to explain why, because she honestly didn’t know.

Unfortunately DD has been told this is how our brains are wired. She even now makes notes while another person is speaking so as not to interrupt them. She holds down a senior management position and has to deliver presentations to large groups as well as liaising with clients on a 121 basis.
I wish I'd known during my own career many years ago why I kept interrupting - it was something I just was unable to manage. It's useful to know now why I kept doing it.
Please have some more understanding and patience of how neuro diversity affects our daily lives.

Unfortunately DD has been told this is how our brains are wired. She even now makes notes while another person is speaking so as not to interrupt them. She holds down a senior management position and has to deliver presentations to large groups as well as liaising with clients on a 121 basis.
I wish I'd known during my own career many years ago why I kept interrupting - it was something I just was unable to manage. It's useful to know now why I kept doing it.
Please have some more understanding and patience of how neuro diversity affects our daily lives.