To ask you how people in their late forties make friends?

[AnnetteCurtain1]

I have had a challenging time of it for the last ten years. I moved to a new city, my young people didn’t want to leave the house as they have autism and don’t like crowds or noise. Also there was lockdown and I was working full time. I am a single parent but now got two young people who can stay at home for an hour or two while I go out.

How on earth do people in their late forties actually make friends? Are there some ways which are better than others?

I am in my 50s and still making them. I had a long running thread on this which I cant find now. Personally I join everything and always make the first move.
A book club
A choir
Volunteer at a heritage site
Walking group.
It takes time tbh but I plug away.

You need to do social things you like. Join a team sport. Woman's football, hockey ect. You could do a short course. Where I live there a free community crafts group where you can learn different things like sowing. You could do some volunteering.

I made mose of my female freinds at baby group but I understand your kids are older. Are there any local community groups that they might like to get involved in?

Meetup is great for me, in the London area.

I've found it best to view this as my trying new things and meeting new people and if I make friends along the way, then great.

Things that have worked for me were joining a back to netball group and a social walking group. The people are friendly, I enjoy the activity and it's a way of getting to know people without huge pressure (I haven't yet met people I see outside of doing the activity, but can see that might happen naturally over time, and for the moment it's enough to spend a pleasant hour or two together).

(I've tried other things as well. I am a bit ruthless in giving it a few weeks and then not staying longer if it's not for me/the social dynamic doesn't work).

Sport team
running club etc
history group

Sad but I really didn’t feel settled until I met my DP it’s the relationship I missed

There’s nothing they would like to get involved in. They would like to shut their bedroom doors and talk to nobody. I work from home and want to get out. They have to go to school and just want to stay in.

I don’t have lots of hours either. There are times they need me heavily out of routine and habit and other times when I can just head out locally for an hour. So I’m thinking walking club, book club, etc might be options. I’ve joined a language group and a fitness group. I might not be able to attend if there is some domestic fiasco. But slow and steady does result in progress so I need to keep chipping away.

You're doing everything right! It's just like dating you have to keep meeting people till you find some you click with and it's reciprocated

I'm early 40s and moved to a new town 2 years ago. I've met lots of people through gym classes, a table tennis club and a ladies social group that meets twice a month for a social event. It takes time, and I wouldn't say any of them are good friends yet, but it feels like I have more friends here than I did in my old town!

Good post. I have moved around a lot, last time internationally aged 48, and have had to keep my friend-making muscle exercised. Yes to joining things (but only things that genuinely interest you, so that they never feel like a waste of time, even if they don’t produce friendships) and yes to making the first move.

All those options sound good, and yes, to being patient. Some friendships do emerge instantaneously (I met someone at an art exhibition, hit it off, exchanged numbers, and she asked me, DH and DS over for brunch an hour later), but not always.

Think about what kind of people you would like in your life (outdoorsy types, environmentally-minded types, artistic types, musical or politically-involved people etc) and where to find them.

I might join the gym and give the WI a go too.

I found friends on a local Facebook site. It's perfect for me as the 'host' organises coffee/lunch venues every two weeks and members are welcome to attend or not as they are able. Within that group others can arrange other meet-ups and activities. It's specific to my local area but I just found it on Facebook search.

Have a look at the local churches. Most will have activities going on, open to all faiths and none.

To be honest when my DC were at home I didn't really have friends. I spent all my time helping them and DH with stuff and looking after the house. We usually socialized as a family.

They went to university at the same time DH and I moved to a new town. I went on the town hall website to look up local events and that took me to the village hall websites and I could see all the groups and activities going on local to me. I joined the local bellringers, started volunteering at church and the local nature reserve, joined three craft groups, and was voluntold to be the secretary of the local residents' group that organises community events. I have plenty of acquaintances rather than friends but I think some could develop into friends in time. I don't feel lonely and it's nice to walk into town and see people from different groups I belong to. It makes me feel part of the community.

Should have said I am older but it seems to be a wide range of ages from maybe late forties up.

I also belong to the NWR in my local area - National Women's Register. There is an annual fee for this but it's a National Organization. Website is nwr.org.U.K. (U.K. is small u and small k and no dots!)

I don’t have a DH and I will be insane by the time they get to university (if they do go). I’ve already sat in the house for years by myself. I think loneliness can result in your physical health suffering and I need to do something about it. I’m fun and a nice friend to have and I just haven’t met the people yet.

I do have a DH and DC at home.and I have no interest in spending all my waking hours with them, and neither do they!

One of my friends did bar work 1 night a week in the pub for social reasons. She worked on quiz night when they needed an extra pair of hands. It was our local and she could walk home. She got to know practically everyone in our local area and made some genuine friendships amongst the bar/kitchen staff.

@Lentilweaver when you say you make the first move, does this mean you invite them for a coffee etc?

I would love this but would need to be home by bedtime!! Cinderella without the looks.

Try Timeleft. It's dinner with 5 strangers on a Wednesday night. They AI-match you with the strangers based on age, interests, hobbies etc.

I’ve done it through feminist campaigning, going to the gym & volunteering at the local cat shelter.

Or for an exhibition or a movie or a talk.