To not respond to people all the time?

[Tingottangomango]

I am going through a breakup. It was abusive. So 5 days ago I blocked everyone involved. Its been a tough few years. I did most of my grieving and detaching over the last year. Which is why I'm feeling fairly peaceful. I am slightly anxious at someone contacting me. But mostly I'm doing OK.

The last few days I've kept busy. I've been coming home from work and reading. Cleaning up. Colouring. Getting more sleep. Trying to process life.

One of things I have realised is I am allowing people to take my time off me messaging. I work with alot of people. I have one work colleague I'm not even on shift with and she messages me daily and its really not essential in my head. There's a male at work who's becoming abit of a pain in the arse messaging daily. He's in a relationship. But if I reply he will expect back and forth messages all day for hours. It's tedious. There's also a long term male acquaintance that has seen single appear on my Facebook and messages daily to try talk. Then I have my sisters and family messaging who I ofcourse respond to. But it was getting to the point where I'd have 2 or 3 people every single evening wanting back amd forth chat from 4pm until bedtime.

So I didn't respond. I'm now being asked from these people if they've crossed a line. Annoyed me etc. So I've politely said I'm just having some me time. I feel like spending a couple of evenings relaxing has now made me have no choice but to reassure people which is a sign of the crazy times we live in.

This would be draining, I'm with you. It's your time, reply when's good for you. If you fancy a chat, great. As for people chasing you for replies, that's totally ridiculous. Keep doing what you're doing and set your own boundaries, they will need to accept it.

You have got a lot going on. I don't like back anx forth texting anyway as as you say it interrupts your quiet time. I would prefer a quick phone call with the family and friends so then I can still have my me time.

Ha, you may do as you please.

They are using you to entertain themselves in the evening. Don’t be used, do what you want to do.

I think some people love feeding off other people's bad times! They probably have nothing else going on in their lives, apart from the bloke off Facebook he just sounds thirsty! 😅 I was having a really bad time last summer with my mum being ill and the amount of messages I was getting off friends/acquaintances constantly wanting all of the details, in the end I had to say I don't want to talk about it as I've already had to talk about it to work and DH, family etc it was getting on my nerves repeating the full story to everyone.

It's crazy how people want to back and forth message. It's so boring . The aqunitnace guy asks me what my plans are at 7pm on a work night. I am like nothing. What would I be doing on a random week night. It's just pointless chit chat. I realise this is also a part of me changing. I need to learn not to people please and feel pressure to respond..

It almost feels like entitlement. I was our shopping with my son on Saturday and put a photo up of him in Starbucks. Then male at work messages saying private hug love your day out with your son. Its like focus on your partner and then maybe your relationship would work lol

Great idea. Could help to tell all the serial chatters in a friendly way that you are changing your texting habits and only being in touch with friends and colleagues for practical reasons. If you’re not clear that this is a long term plan, then people might worry about you or start to reestablish the old pattern.

How do these men know you've had a break up?

clean up your social media so you dont have male acquaintances on there anyway knowing you and your child’s movements.

dont have colleagues on social media and dont respond to him about personal things.

dont respond to anyone immediately.

in fact switch your phone off.

They aren't messaging because of a break up. Well one is aware. The fb guy. They always have messaged even before.e

Life was easier when staying in touch meant a phone call for a proper chat once a week. Or meeting for a coffee.

As someone who remembers the time before mobile phones as one kind of normal, I agree that the time-wasting powers of messaging are a phenomenal drain and burden on many people's lives now.

It's good for questions that need answering quickly. Otherwise just wait until you have a few interesting things to say and have a proper conversation. People are applying 'urgent question' behaviour to inane chit chat, just because something went 'ping'.

I can see both sides. You are replying. Feeding these people. Uploading pictures of your child to social media. What can you expect other than to attract attention. But also nobody is entitled to your time or a reply. If you don't want to speak to these people through text or social media, then don't but you can't be annoyed by them commenting or replying if you make the first move by putting up photos.

I stopped posting on sm. Amazing! So much better. Just don’t reply. And don’t reply to the follow ups. You’re just fuelling it at the moment