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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overstaying friend...what to say?

65 replies

5599katherine · 28/01/2025 04:23

I am working in a lovely school abroad and have been for the past three years. I have been oversees for around 7 years and visit home every three months or so as I miss my family and I have the means to do that.
A position became available for a 3 month post, which isnt really well paid but a great role which could enhance someone's experience and let them travel around. My friend visited a few months ago, and after disliking teaching in the UK, asked if I would consider offering her the three month role. I stated it wasnt very well paid, however, that she could use this time to travel and experience being a teacher abroad.
Since her beginning, she has compared the country to the UK, often stating how much she dislikes it. She has been constantly homesick, and often, after I have finished 10 hours of school, I am met with tears and sadness when I come home. She has been staying with me the whole time, I have helped her, but I am now at the end of my tether. She plans to stay with me for the whole three months of the post, as she actually did not bring any money (at all!) for the experience, therefore cannot afford a deposit for a flat. I did not realise this before she arrived. She is always trying to save her cash, therefore has not helped me pay for anything, even things like shampoo and tissues! In a couple of weeks, we had planned to go on holiday to the beach for 7 nights, but she wants to share a room and not pay for it. I really need some alone time as I have been with her for 30 days so far in a one bed flat! Yesterday, I told her that she should consider leaving this week if she is disliking it so much, but she can't afford a ticket home. AIBU to ask her to leave? Should I cancel my holiday and fly abroad alone?

OP posts:
SandieWooz · 31/01/2025 07:33

Pack her bags and leave them on the doorstep. She’s taking the urine.

LemonTT · 31/01/2025 07:43

Meh, you invited her to stay for a month and it looks like she is leaving at the end of the month. I would assume that a holiday with a friend involves sharing a room unless I said otherwise. If I invited someone to stay I wouldn’t get into contributions to the tissue or shampoo kitty. But I wouldn’t let someone stay for a month in a 1 bed.

i can see why she is struggling with a move and the possibility she made a mistake in going on an adventure. She should own this decision but maybe you had a hand in encouraging it? That will certainly be a counter allegation if you fall out over this. So be prepared.

She can’t afford the holiday. Which is probably why she is stressing.

MsVi · 31/01/2025 08:54

Some people are so wet. Moaning and crying about being in a new country. It’s only for three months. Why not embrace the culture and change. I would be blunt OP and tell her it’s just not working for you.

Gardengirl108 · 31/01/2025 09:31

I’m surprised this country let her in with no means to fund a return flight or herself for the 3 months and with an intention to work (had she or the company arranged a work visa, or does she hold a right to work?). All very odd.

Shinyandnew1 · 31/01/2025 09:43

5599katherine · 28/01/2025 05:44

I spoke to her yesterday and said she can leave by the end of the week, no worries.

She said no worries? So she's leaving?

Bloom15 · 31/01/2025 11:15

LemonTT · 31/01/2025 07:43

Meh, you invited her to stay for a month and it looks like she is leaving at the end of the month. I would assume that a holiday with a friend involves sharing a room unless I said otherwise. If I invited someone to stay I wouldn’t get into contributions to the tissue or shampoo kitty. But I wouldn’t let someone stay for a month in a 1 bed.

i can see why she is struggling with a move and the possibility she made a mistake in going on an adventure. She should own this decision but maybe you had a hand in encouraging it? That will certainly be a counter allegation if you fall out over this. So be prepared.

She can’t afford the holiday. Which is probably why she is stressing.

She doesn't intend to contribute to the holiday either...

Person1234 · 31/01/2025 11:20

Tell her to get a credit card. Then she can pay for the flight home.

quanah · 31/01/2025 13:06

she is taking you for a mug tell her straight you cant carry her why should you .its nic eto be nice but she is at it,i have never heard of anything so despicable get rid of her and enjoy yourself

Voneska · 31/01/2025 16:02

Go online and research some cheap alternative accommodation .Take record of it and speak to landlords in the properties. about possibility of a friend needing a place to stay. If poss. Lend her the money so as to get rid to save your mental health. After this , you know youve done your best.

quanah · 31/01/2025 19:34

i dont see how you should lend her money she must have some of her own i agree with what Voneska said about watching your own mental health but lets face it she is not your responsibility.why did you leave it so long you should have said something ages ago

quanah · 31/01/2025 19:37

i agree more with person 1234 they have the right idea

WeCanOnlyDoOurBest · 01/02/2025 20:13

For goodness sake OP, she’s not your responsibility. You need to have a very direct conversation with her and state there was never an agreement that you would financially support her and that she should not have taken it for granted that you would. She must have some money if her own, she’s lying.
If she has a key take it off her so she’s doesn’t get a copy cut, then give her notice to leave, in writing, with a specific date. I wouldn’t give her more than 48hrs, in fact I’d be tempted to tell her she needs to be out before the end of today and put her things outside and make it clear she has to go. I definitely wouldn’t leave her in your home whilst you go on holiday either, I couldn’t trust her, she’s a p**s taker.
Good luck, what a terrible situation to be in.

Laurmolonlabe · 01/02/2025 22:59

Tell her when she gets paid she either needs to move out or go home, as you didn't realise how claustrophobic it would be living in a one bed flat. On the holiday say due to the close living conditions you need some alone time.
It's unfortunate, and she probably won't take it well- but I doubt your friendship will survive this anyway.

ShouldIstayorgogogo · 02/02/2025 00:31

I’m sure she has a credit card she can put her flight on - this seems incredibly ill prepared for an adult. How old is she? No safety net when going overseas is just stupidity! Even an 18 year old on a gap year would have done savings for emergencies. Or bank of mum and dad! Not your responsibility…

Nationsss · 02/02/2025 00:33

Get this whiney user out of your home and block her number.

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