to be fed up of people saying some dads aren't very good with babies and young kids?

[Clipity]

I keep hearing this again and again. So many mothers are accepting of their partners not being 'very good with babies and young kids'. This results in many fathers just opting out of the drudgery and hard work of very young babies/children.

Other excuses I hear is that he doesn't hear the baby waking up at night or even hearing the crying in the day. A colleague at work's wife was exhausted and went to bed early. He was settling the baby to sleep. He gave up after 20 minutes and gave the baby back to his wife because he had work in the morning. He admitted to going home late so hopefully the baby would be asleep so he wouldn't have to do any sort of care.

Another man said there is no where to hide from his toddler at home so goes into the office at the weekends to escape.

I don’t think it’s mothers being “accepting”. You don’t actually know what your partner will be like as a parent until the baby is born & at that point there’s not much you can do. The baby needs looking after & when you love that child so much, you want to make sure they are taken care of in the best way possible - so if your partner is being useless, you step up.

My dh was amazing a true natural

It's weaponising their incompetence. Sadly some men are like this with their own kids.

But on the other hand some men are celebrated for doing the bare minimum.

Ha - yeah. One of my friends said her husband 'doesn't do nappies'. Ffs!

Can't knock my DH - I think he does more for our toddler than I do, tbh.

I got lucky. we were a bit older and DH was so excited about being a dad that he literally wanted to do everything. I joked he would have given birth if he could have! We took turns at night from day 1, 2 days on, 2 off and did shared PL. I’d love to say we are 50/50 but I reckon he sometimes does more haha

This boils me!! My daughters dad “ men just aren’t good with babies” “ men don’t have patience” “ men aren’t this that and the bloody other!! No honey it’s just you!!! I’ve got a great stepdad who was consistently wonderful with my brother!!

What's the alternative? Leave the baby with a man who can barely tie up his own shoelaces? Leave him and work full time while child is in care with strangers? Simples you say

You know what I think? Not everyone really wants kids or they do want kids but only want the idea of having kids and when said kids are here it’s not all it’s cracked up to be..

The difference between mothers and some fathers is most of the time the mother shows up and is there for the kids, even when she’s tired, fed up and regretting her life choices. But a lot of the time the men get away with not doing that.

The biggest taboo in parenthood is abandonment by the mother, but not the father?

Fathers are congratulated for baby sitting their kids.

All we can do as women is have zero tolerance to their half arsed bullshit and show them the door if they can’t be a good father.

Disclaimer - I do not believe this is all men, I just mean the men you are talking about.

It's not the women you should be having a go at

There is some genuine science around how men find it much easier to bond with a baby once it can play and interact, as that's what gives them the oxytocin release.

www.nct.org.uk/information/baby-toddler/caring-for-your-baby-or-toddler/science-behind-dads

Doesn't excuse being shit or lazy, but it's not all that.

The useless ones: They enjoy making a baby. But not making the baby a priority.

I remember someone saying that if population growth relied on women cumming to make a baby, they'd be like 5 people in the world. So true!😅

Shit Sex and Shit Dads. Most of them never wanted kids.

I'm not on about the normal ones!

YANBU. It’s funny how these men often have complicated high flying jobs, or manage many people, but can’t figure out how to burp a baby. Very interesting indeed

My dh was like this. He really struggled with the tiny baby stage. He was just frightened of doing something wrong. He hadn't had experience with babies and I guess it just didn't come naturally to him. He wasn't lazy or useless, just overwhelmed and what he did do was help in lots of other ways - cleaning, cooking, waiting on me while I breast fed.

Now dd is older he is brilliant and very hands on. But it takes time even for some mothers. With my first child I remember feeling completely out of my depth too.

Anyway I don't really understand what you're trying to achieve with this thread. Is it general man bashing or are you having a pop at women who lack the mystical powers to be able to tell what kind of a parent their dh will be before actually giving birth?

Might as wells say they are not very good when there is nothing innit for them.

In half the couples of my NCT group, the dad was the "natural" and the mum surely was not.

So yes, I believe some dads aren't very good with babies. And some mums aren't either.

It's horribly depressing to pretend that being female means you are "a natural", it makes struggling mothers feel even worst.

I think part of the reason I can't identify with a lot of newborn posts here is that dh just loved the baby phase. I got plenty sleep and he would drive home on his lunch hour to have his lunch with us when I was on mat leave.

Highly strung tween daughters mind you he seems to be struggling a bit with.

My DH fortunately was more than willing to do all the baby jobs, and to work at the ones that didn't come naturally to him, but the not waking up thing is absolutely true - he just didn't wake up to the baby's cries, whereas I'd be awake almost before they'd drawn breath. He wasn't doing it deliberately, he just did not hear it in his sleep in the way I did.

My husband was brilliant.. he did all he could except the feeding.. l EBF for 2 years.
Then he would help in the night by getting her out of cot and putting her to my breast and cuddling us both.

They can often tie their shoelaces. Do they get just get to opt out of the hard bits then? A lot of the time they don't want to not that they can't.

Only having a go at the women who accept it. The dads are at fault first and foremost.

Is it general man bashing or are you having a pop at women who lack the mystical powers to be able to tell what kind of a parent their dh will be before actually giving birth?

I am not expecting women to have mystical powers to know what kind of parent their dh will be but why are there silly excuses such as men are not good with babies to be used an excuse for why they opt out.

@Clipity it's not always an excuse and it's not always just men either. Those who are generally disinterested and actively unhelpful are one thing. Those who genuinely struggle are another.

I have sympathy for all new parents. I remember how I once felt.

This.