Am I unreasonable to ask people not to call to visit when they are sick?

[Chatterbox25]

My 9 month old doesn’t sleep through the night. He did 3 nights of consecutive sleeping through the night but is now down with the latest cold he has caught from a visitor who comes regularly even when they are unwell. Last night he was back to not sleeping again as he was up coughing. We have asked that these people don’t call when they are sick as we have 2 children just 2 and 9 months. It’s very busy and hard enough to manage daily life on 9 months of broken sleep but when the kids are sick it’s so much harder as sleep is even more broken and generally both are up in the night rather than just the baby. It’s like talking to the wall. They keep calling when sick? We don’t know what to do? We are questioning if they keep calling when sick because we are being unreasonable by asking them to stay away? Is it normal to avoid visiting babies and small children when you are sick? We always avoid visiting houses with small children and babies when we are sick or the kids are sick and always warn anyone we are sick.

AIBU to ask expect them not to call especially since we have explained why (sleep etc.)

Personally I think it’s rude to visit anyone when you’re sick without checking first that they’re okay with it. Worse when you have young children or people who are medically vulnerable in the house, but I’d be pissed off if someone brought there germs into my house. And I’ve had people say they’d rather I not come when I’ve been ill. I’d be having stern words in your position. I’m guessing this is a relative?

Yes- in-laws. We had words before when they called to the door with Covid. Baby was almost 6 months then. Explained the situation and how we would rather they didn’t call with any illness. Falls on deaf ears unfortunately. Thats why we are starting to question if it’s us that’s being unreasonable.

It’s not you. Some people are just selfish.

Do not invite hem to your home. Meet them out somewhere, a park, cafe, wherever. If it becomes clear they are sick, turn around and leave immediately!

I do not invite them. They live very close by and call unannounced all the time. Had to set a boundary for the evenings of waiting until our dinner is finished and going home before bed which is just about obeyed.

Depends a bit what you mean by sick.

If it’s the same level of low grade lurgy that half of the supermarket have then I wouldn’t really class it as sick. More under the weather and assuming you go to groups or nursery then would see it as no more of a health hazard than the rest of life.

If it’s properly sick, impacting day to day life then stay away.

I don’t not visit friends with small children when one of us has a small
ampunt of snot, and don’t bat an eyelid when they come to me. If took that approach then would never go out or see anyone.

If you’re more germ advise than that then may find you’re coming from totally different angles.

I didn't let my own sister come over when she was sick when I just had a baby until she recovered. Some people think they are recovering so well so they still come over. Hold the boundary and speak to them that it's a rule beforehand. If they still do show up take the kids upstairs and let your husband politely send them away.

No no no
Op

Put
Your foot down now regarding boundaries and turning up in announced.

I had it for years with in laws turning up all the fucking time whenever they bloody felt like it.

Caused many fall outs over the years.

In the end I lost my shit and told them to stop
Just turning up all the time and not to use their spare key to let themselves in without ringing first.

We have a downstairs bathroom and i remember coming out in a towel
One morning and they were stood in my bloody kitchen and had the nerve to say it was late to be in the shower.

I think calling instead of visiting in person is preferable, this way nobody else gets sick.

@dothehokeycokey thus could be me… can 100% see they comment coming at me if I was found in that position.

you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. especially with a little one in the house

I think if it’s just a cold it’s fine. It’s important babies are exposed to germs, it strengthens their immune systems and will mean they develop antibodies (and hopefully get less illnesses when they get older/start school/start nursery).

In laws, you say?

Get your husband to deal with them, they're his family.

Agree the boundaries together beforehand. I would say hell no to any random dropping in. In fact, hell no to any visits if they are willing to make their gc sick, knowingly.

@100PercentFaithful baby is exposed to loads of germs- we got to the playground, shops, restaurants , groups, have play dates, he crawls around on ground, mixes with his sibling who attends a childminder and a nursery. He is also breastfed so has lots of my antibodies too. A cold isn’t the issue. A cough that keeps him up at night is an issue.

I would be suggesting FaceTime/whatsapp video calls only when they're sick. It's definitely not on for them to come to the house when they're ill especially when you have two youngsters... I wouldn't even want it without the young ones either though to be honest. Very selfish of them.

Perfectly reasonable. We used to ask our family and friends if they had colds etc.

Urgh OP I feel for you. I hate prople just turning up, never mind turning up while sick.

My exbil used to do this all the time, he gave us all a sickness bug right before we were supposed to fly out on holiday

Tbh it’s fucking rude and stupid to visit people without first informing them you have some sort of illness. I have an 18yo. I’d be pissed off if someone came and made us ill.

Can't you lock the door and just not answer it when they call round. They'd get on my nerves calling round so often whether they were sick or not. What does your husband think?

@thepariscrimefiles they would look in the window and knock on it to get our attention

When kids were younger MiL would moan if she didn't see dh & them at least once a fortnight. We'd get to hers & get oooh we've had an awful bug . . .
Gee thanks MiL 🙄

Start shagging. That’ll teach ‘em.

That’s the worst kind of selfish!

My dh has a very low immune system after cancer treatment. I've made sure all family/friends know they can't come here if they are unwell. However, I was absolutely furious when his support worker (he also has mental health problems) turned up to go for a walk with him and announced she was late as she'd been to the doctors about a chest infection and he'd told her she was highly contagious. Some people are beyond belief!

Fucking hell, I’d spend my life with the curtains closed. Sick or not this would drive me demented. People turning up unannounced expecting you to be available is just fucking rude.