To be really struggling with work after bereavement

[Celia24]

I lost my grandmother at the weekend. We were very close and I probably spent more time with my grandparents than my parents who were very busy working for a lot of my upbringing.

She was unwell for a long time and it was a long drawn out process.

I am usually an exemplary worker but last week I made a workplace error that annoyed my boss and today I made another error which annoyed her further.

I am struggling with

1. fulfilling this high pressure role while grieving, at my normal pace
2. feeling a lack of support beyond ‘sorry for your loss’

i suppose I’m just looking for tips on getting a grip. The funeral is weeks away. I need to keep my job but my brain feels muddled.

I think the fact she hasn’t said let me know if I can help or any way to reduce pressure is telling. Especially as she has essentially scolded me but not checked how I am:

Can you not get a weeks compassionate leave?

Do you get sick pay? Go to the gp and get signed off.

They don’t offer it.

I get one day’s PTO and further would be at their discretion. I then said that I may need a further day which could take as leave if necessary.

I think because it’s a grandparent people don’t really get it. And I actually feel like I should be able to perform as necessary.

it’s awful feeling like my boss is angry with me during this time, especially as everything has been good until the last week or so.

I'm sorry, that's really awful. You should be able to take a few days off in these circumstances.

Believe me its not. I lost my dad back in October and ive still had certain people and organisations speak to me like shit.

There is no compassion anymore Sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry for your loss, sick leave in these circumstances would be totally acceptable. Take some time off, you will be in shock no matter how expected it was, you need time to process.

Take sick leave or ask for unpaid leave. Sorry for your loss

I feel the lack of compassion is making me feel much worse.

almost leading to mistakes if that makes sense? I haven’t been in this job long (7 months) so I’m worried that sick leave on top of this last week’s errors will lead to being sacked on return.

I’m sorry but if a work colleague lost a grandparent they would probably just get a “I’m sorry” from me. So don’t feel bad about that - they don’t know you were especially close. Unfortunately old people die so it’s sad but not that sad. I lost my mum 2 years ago after a long illness and my dad last year after a short illness. I had a week of flowers / condolences and then honestly everything went back to normal (for everyone else). I work for myself and took 2 days off - I preferred to be kept busy. Also have 3 young kids so don’t have luxury of time to dwell on it.

Could you explain that your grandmother was like a mother as she looked after you a lot when you were a child. I think people have preconceived ideas about a sort of hierarchy of grief, but that doesn't always work, because some people have a much closer relationship and some have a less close relationship than typical. People tend to base their ideas on their own relationships too. Eg. The boss might not have been close to grandparents.

Hi OP, I think you should tell your boss that you spent more time with your grandmother than your mother growing up and that this bereavement is, for you, closer to a parent than a grandparent. Otherwise she'll wonder why you're making these errors. So I really think you should talk to her. At least then the errors will make some kind of sense to her.

@ThisFluentBiscuit yeah. I’m wondering whether to ask her for a chat tomorrow. The worst would be if I explain and she’s still unsympathetic.

im worried about leaving my colleagues in the lurch while will happen somewhat because there isn’t really anyone else to pick up the slack.

I'd encourage you to get signed off for a fortnight Sso long as your GP is amenable will actually highlight that there really is something not quite right with you

Your boss may ask and you can explain as much or a little as you like, always better then unexplained mistakes. All the best

@FinallyHere I think for me the explanation is obvious - I had informed my boss of the situation and I would assume most people would put errors down to the sad loss that had just occurred.

I’m a surprised this isn’t the case but you live and learn. But obviously I can’t making mistakes like this even if it is down to my current mental/emotional state.