Scared to go back to work

[Ddream]

I have been back at work around a year since having my daughter. It’s been tough as I am a single parent and have quite an intense career (office role and professional). It comes with a lot of pressure. I made a couple of mistakes in autumn and got the strong sense that I was going to be called into a meeting about it, or at the very least a ‘chat’ was going to be had as the mistakes were minor and therefore should not have been made under any circumstances. Anyway…I had an accident in December and worked from home for a while until I had the substantive surgery in January and I have been off since surgery two weeks ago. I am due to go back in a week and I am now terrified they will try and get rid of me as they will have had chance to go through my files and find fault with everything if they wanted to. I’m not there to defend myself and they could be creating a case against me. I can’t sleep and feel sick and part of me wants to stay off longer to defer having to deal with this. I’m not sure why I’m posting, I have nobody to talk to and feel really alone

Could you make an appointment with your manager to discuss returning to work? Perhaps address your shortfalls prior to remote working and devise a plan to reduce the likelihood of it happening again. Anxiety about returning to work only gets worse, is address it head on- it’s likely your worrying about nothing if they’ve not said anything yet.

I hear you, OP, I'm sorry you feel like this. But it's possible that none of this will happen, it could be your mind running away with you.

If you're going back in a week, why not call your team / boss tomorrow for a chat? You can keep it professional but sound them out?

I'm sure there's nothing to worry about 😀

@Scaredtosayitoutloud i don’t know the manager very well so I would feel uncomfortable contacting him before I return. He’s quite an awkward sort too.

I have got a call with HR coming up to discuss what I need to help with the return and all I want to do is say I need another week. I know it’s silly

Hey OP, it sounds like you have really lost your confidence, which is sad.

Do you want to stay in this job or are you considering looking elsewhere?

Is it a big employer? Just trying to gauge what sort of policies they might have in place. If you have been there more than two years, they would need to follow a process to 'get rid of you', they can't just do it. Can I ask what has led you to jump to these conclusions- do they have form for being unreasonable or very heavy handed?

@MyProudHare yes it’s a big employer. I haven’t really gelled with new manager who started six months after I returned… they’re nice but I just don’t think we have clicked. I would like to leave but it’s good pay and as I am on my own I am scared to lose the job. Things were ok until I went off and now I am imagining them going through my emails etc which they will have to do to cover for me being off and who knows what they will pick at

Get your GP to specify a graduated return to work - say half days for a couple of weeks for more recuperation from the op. That gives your boss something else to think about while you can ease yourself back into the routine.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

The thing is - if you say you need another week, then it's just another week of worrying. Don't do that to yourself - think of it this way - if something bad is coming (which might not be true), then you're a week further forward in dealing with it.

If that doesn't sound like you, you could take the call with HR, see how it goes and take the week for paid new-job- hunting?