Too early for a party invitation

[Mannersmattertoo]

Sent 7 weeks before.

It is too far off to RSVP, we have a lot going on. At the same time, I don't want to forget, as I reply even if we cannot make it.
I've never had an invite so early before for a reception party. When is the Mum expecting to be let know by?
The norm is 2-3 weeks before at my dc's school; the longest I've had is 4 weeks. There is no food provided, looks like a room has been hired at a set fee, so it won't be per head.

When to let Mum know by?

Surely your husband can watch your other child?
I don't see the problem id rather know in advance than a week or two before!

If you need childcare for the other DC, what's stopping you arranging that now?

That aside "other stuff going on as well" does rather sound like waiting for a better offer.

If you genuinely mean it, message the mum and say "DC would love to come but I'm dependent on finding childcare for other DC which I won't know about until xx date".

And then if you're better offer comes along you've got an out anyway.

*your

Thank you, party is on 17th March for a little boy having a superheros theme. Is this you? 😂😳
If not, it is good to have a nother perspective. I just know how stressful arranging a party is, and would never let anybody down, but I have a younger dc, and an older dc, and I work shifts!

Haha not me! But yes I just send the invite when I book the soft play. We definitely don’t prioritise kids’ partied and only go if it suits the family and I’d very much expect others to be the same with us. In this case I’ll send a message a week before confirming numbers and siblings and will fully expect a few people to drop out on the day and maybe an extra one or two turn up! You can’t predict life with kids that small.

I don't have childcare, I have 3 dcs, one is ND, so not easy to look after. It'll depend if dh is available, or if I have a shift, or vice versa. One of us would need to be at home.

I’d message and explain. Birthday invites are becoming like weddings these days - booked miles ahead - and people are narked if they only get 3 weeks notice of a party !

😂I guess you can't win really can you ? I'll reply as soon as I know about work. Definately no other plans to prioritise after as some pp's suggested. That is awful, I would never do that, let a lone to a little kid.
I've put it in my calendar so I'll remember to let Mum know. It's on a Sunday, so hoping no shifts, as they're usually more likely on Saturdays for me.

She’s obviously sent it far in advance in the hope of catching people before they make other plans and to hopefully ensure that most of her DC’s friends can make it. It isn’t a big deal or something to take personally! Just message her something along the lines of ‘party looks great, when do you need to confirm numbers by as DC would love to be there but I won’t know if we can make it work until I get my work shifts 3 weeks before’

That sounds great actually. I'm going to send that now. I didn't want to look like I was waiting for other offers, but the way you've worded it sounds genuine.

Then say no.

I think in your shoes I would firm up arrangements so I could decline with two weeks' notice rather than mess people about.

Guess with 7weeks notice they are hoping you’ll prioritise this over events proposed closer to the date, which sounds pretty reasonable.

Just say no if you’re not sure.

Yes, dh, or I would ask to bring our 2 other dcs to it, but ND dd won't go, even without that it would feel a bit rude. The youngest could go, but definitely not dd.

I was going to say what pp above said about explaining my shift and childcare issues?

Absolutely say that you’ll let her know as soon as you’ve confirmed childcare for your other kids. Or do you know a classmate’s parent who might take him along?

as far as I’m concerned the earlier the invite goes out the better. If someone sends us an invite 4 weeks before, DD would be very unlikely to be free to go. We book up our diaries very quickly- although both have 9-5 jobs which makes everything easier.

I have 3 dcs, but one dd is nd so can't go. It means if I have shift he would need to stay at home with them.

That's a really good idea, dd loves superheroes, and wants to go in her batgirl costume from Halloween.🫣
I don't want to put on to anybody though, and be what MN calls a CF 🤭

It could be her first time hosting a child’s school party so she’s being extra organised. She may need to provide numbers for entertainment or food so I don’t know why you’re acting like it’s only a room and no set up required.

Personally I’d message her and say thank you, your child would love to come but you can’t give her definitive atm as you need to sort childcare, and what’s the latest you can let her know by?

I don’t get this - so surely the other parent can stay home, or local, with the other child?

You hadn't mentioned the works shifts before. Of course it's fine to say "sorry I can't confirm until I know my works shifts which will be on 1st March, I hope that's ok?".

I've messaged:

"Hi, dd is very excited about your ds's party. Unfortunately I don't get my shift rota until 2 weeks before. When do you need to know for numbers? I'm sorry I cannot let you know now. Thank you for the invite, hope we can go!"

Do you not feel able to ask the host what the date is the cutoff for RSVP? It’s a reasonable question and the date should have been on the invitation really.

We have had some super early invitations. I’ve also sent some out well in advance for various reasons.

if I get one and it’s too early to commit then I reply and say so. If they need firm numbers and can’t wait then I understand but usually people say no problem they just wanted to share the date and will ask again nearer the time.