To ask how to get out of this horrible cycle

[Llamadramm]

So my ex left me for another woman and I am embarrassed to admit that I have been drinking too much wine to cope with it. I feel like I am not on this planet and my head is all over the place. I have 2 wonderful children and never used to drink at all but as soon as 5/6pm comes after work I open wine. I don’t need a grilling as I already know it’s wrong I just would like to know how I get out of this habit

It depends how much you're drinking and for how long. I would suggest a trip to the GP to stop with support.

Address the reasons behind drinking. Boredom, depression, loneliness and do something about it.

I don’t drink everyday and it’s usually a bottle of wine.

Your local NHS should bave a health trainer scheme for alcohol reduction where someone can work with you on this. It's nothing to be ashamed of and brilliant that you're seeking support.

I'm sure but quitting alcohol if you're dependent can be dangerous. My advice is to see your GP, have a chat about how you're feeling and she will know of local support.

There's info here from the NHS that may be helpful.

I would reflect on why you're drinking and face it head on. Get therapy, join the gym, take medication, join a club, take up knitting... keep yourself busy and focus on forming new, healthier habits.

I do feel ashamed as I feel like I am using it as a crutch to get me over this hurdle. I need to do something more positive.

I don’t think I am physically dependant as I didn’t drink Monday-Friday last week and had no ill effect

I'm sorry you are having a tough time.
I know its easy for me to say, but I'd be trying to find a better habit to do at about the same time. Maybe the gym, a run, a walk, anything more positive really. It is extremely hard to give up a habit that is comforting, but you know in your heart it's not the answer. 💐 Be strong.

So stop buying wine? You're not going to drink it if it's not there.

It doesn’t help that it’s just so normalised these days. Most people I know have a glass of wine after work etc. so many things on social media about mums and wine.

No alcohol in the house or shopping. Podcasts - I think there is one calling getting sober.

I would talk to your GP.

Get some support @Llamadramm.
You've recognised and admitted that you're using alcohol as a coping mechanism and that you're starting to feel a habit developing. Your GP is a first start point or even AA. Good luck.

I dont think it's an ott amount especially with what you're going through. I don't blame you to be fair. If you want the odd glass to chill out I don't see a massive problem. You could go Tesco buy the offer 4 for 3 and just open a mini one whenever you feel like a glass then you're not tempted for another that night if you wanted to 'cut down' January is boring enough as it is

The kids were at their dads this weekend so my friend and I shared 3 bottles! I wouldn’t drink that much with the kids but I actually felt fine which is worrying.

Yes, I don't blame you either, it's not a huge amount, but you should try and knock it on the head before it becomes any worse or goes on any longer.
It's really difficult but I would suggest changing routine in the evening if at all possible.
I used to drink while cooking so to avoid being triggered would just whack easiest thing into microwave.
There's lots of good sober lit out there as well. The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober is particularly good.
You will honestly feel so much better if you stop.
It's all about accepting that you have to sit through uncomfortable feelings instead of numbing everything with wine.
I know it's difficult if you have kids, but if possible try and treat yourself in the evening with something else, like a massage, or takeaway etc.
Don't let him do this to you. You will only be able to recover from what's happened if you look after yourself and stop drinking.

Yes, I agree. There was a programme on TV not long ago where this woman had done damage to her liver by drinking what is generally thought of as an average or normal amount. It went into how these days wine is mostly marketed towards young women and it is causing health problems. Certainly made me think. What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to drink loads to damage your health.

Such a helpful post.

It was a Panorama documentary called "Binge drinking and me".
I'd recommend you watch it if you want to help yourself.

I get it, I went down this route when I separated from my husband. The wine was always calling me around 5pm and I used it as a way to block out the reality. Same as you, a bottle a night.. I could go two/three days and not drink at all but the temptation was strong. Then I realised I was in danger of becoming way too dependent and stopped. Armed myself with books and listened to podcast to get me through.. day by day I got better. It's not easy and having support is a good thing, there's a great little community on the alcohol boards striving to moderate/quit completely. I'd suggest finding those people - very welcoming as well as knowledgeable! You've got to want to change the habit, the wine witch can be a strong force.! Best of luck xx

Would you get a non alcoholic drink and have that instead. I love Sholer in the fancy bottle with a cork to pop. I drink it in a prosecco glass so even though it has no alcohol I don't feel like I am missing out. (its found in the fizzy drink section normally)