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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour war who is right

34 replies

ByTealShark · 27/01/2025 08:52

14 years ago we put a 6ft fence up neighbour agreed it went in the boundery where the previous council fence was. Posts his side ( which i now no should of been our side. ) when we wanted a new one he refused so we didn't go ahead. This man is a bully who you cannot reason with he has been violent in the past and is very controling . I have just came out of an abusive marriage so im finding this triggering . Part of the fence blew down and i went to get it repaired no cost to him as its the right thing to do as we origionally paid fully for it to be put up with his agreement .The lad who came to quote was looking at the job and the neighbour told him he was not allowed on his side to repair it and every one i hire hes never happy with apparently none are ever qualified ( they are as i always check them out 1st ) i went round to talk to him after he posted a note through my door saying its his responsibility as posts his side . But then it said the owner of fence is liable to pay to be fixed well i am the owner. He told me to go and get the stuff and basically only he can do it. I do not agree with this as if my fence its up to me who i hire but if he wants to take full control then he can pay as he never helped with the cost at all when it was put up . I wanted it done quickly due to having autistic children and 2 dogs . How can you resolve something when its his way are no way i find him very intimidating and i shouldnt just roll over to keep the peace cause he bullys people.

OP posts:
CosyLemur · 30/01/2025 07:20

Of course he should have a say in who accesses his land.
If it was the other way around would you just want anyone coming into your garden to fix his fence or would you want to know who they were? He's said buy a fence panel and he'll install it why can't you just do that? It'll be much cheaper

Swiftie1878 · 30/01/2025 07:43

You need to check your title deeds to see who is responsible for that boundary - usually marked with ‘T’s on the plans.
If it’s your boundary, show him the plans and ask for reasonable access to keep the boundary safe and tidy for you both. If he refuses, put up a new fence wholly within your plot, and leave him to it.
If it’s his boundary, it’s up to him to repair ( and you need to let it go, and accept you shouldn’t have funded the fence in the first place). You could still put up another fence on your side of the boundary though, if you want to. It will need to be entirely within your own land.

olympicsrock · 30/01/2025 07:51

So the boundary is shared not his by definition and the panels will be on the boundary. If you paid for them they are yours and you can remove them.
Hire your own contracter . Remove the good panels from the fence that you own. Put new posts on your land and use the decent old fence panels to make a new fence .

Pherian · 30/01/2025 10:45

I think there are two things you can do here :

  1. Make sure you have legal cover on your home owners insurance police - abd get legal advice. Let them deal with it. If you’re a renter, get your landlord to deal with it.

  2. Stop getting triggered. It’s a choice to take everything personally and get offended. If this person acts aggressively don’t be brow beaten. If he threatens you report it to the police.

Original poster
ByTealShark · 30/01/2025 11:22

CosyLemur · 30/01/2025 07:16

Yes she does she said 14 years ago she had a fence put in and they did it incorrectly and put the posts his side! Which is why she now needs him to allow access to his property - if it was done right in the first place she wouldn't have this issue! By having the posts on his property she's actually been using some of his land for 14 years.

Show quote history

Actually i didnt do it wrong his drain is half on our land so the fence had to be errected the way it was for that reason he was the one who told the workers this if i knew then what i no now about his behaviour i would of brought the fence alot further back , the fence is our property and i thought id do the right thing and get it fixed. He wont allow that but he wants me to hand money to him to fix when he isnt a trade person and i have no say . He is being a arse hole and he has took another pannel down has the right to touch what i paid for and still have nothing sorted as we speak .

OP posts:
Original poster
ByTealShark · 30/01/2025 11:55

CosyLemur · 30/01/2025 07:20

Of course he should have a say in who accesses his land.
If it was the other way around would you just want anyone coming into your garden to fix his fence or would you want to know who they were? He's said buy a fence panel and he'll install it why can't you just do that? It'll be much cheaper

I didnt say he shouldn't have a say at that point nothing had been arranged are booked in i was just discussing different quotes on my property but he interfered in the discussion, being passive aggressive with the trade person do i need to put up with that i had not decided anything at that point so was no need to inform at that point . It doesnt matter who i suggest he would say no so am i supppsed to bow down give him money for materials when he is no trades person yet he is saying it is his cause posts are his side. Either he fixes it are i do but i do not want to engage with a aggressive man i tried to speak to him he slammed the door on my face cause its his way are the highway ( he strangled my ex partner years ago ) so that is my right as well to want a person im not anxious with to do the work

OP posts:
Original poster
ByTealShark · 30/01/2025 11:57

BrightYellowStar · 27/01/2025 09:09

Are you friends with any farmers?

It seems you have some goats/sheep etc to look after for a few days. What a shame the fence is broken - it means they will have access to his garden. Oh well - you DID TRY to get it repaired....

Ha ha this made me laugh im tempted to try it

OP posts:
Original poster
ByTealShark · 30/01/2025 21:27

Swiftie1878 · 30/01/2025 07:43

You need to check your title deeds to see who is responsible for that boundary - usually marked with ‘T’s on the plans.
If it’s your boundary, show him the plans and ask for reasonable access to keep the boundary safe and tidy for you both. If he refuses, put up a new fence wholly within your plot, and leave him to it.
If it’s his boundary, it’s up to him to repair ( and you need to let it go, and accept you shouldn’t have funded the fence in the first place). You could still put up another fence on your side of the boundary though, if you want to. It will need to be entirely within your own land.

i have checked this out but cant see any T on the plans mine is the smiley face side his star. He is threatning legal action if i touch it so as of now fence panels are down on my side hes knocked another down and in no hurry to fix and i cant get another until thats moved by one of us. How can you maintain between 2 fences alongside each other as there will be a overgrowth of weeds ect id imagine if there is a small gap between both .

Neighbour war who is right
OP posts:
HollyKnight · 30/01/2025 21:36

You can report him for damaging your property.

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