I cannot stop working - cannot relax - HOW TO RELAX ??

[Newname85]

I just don’t seem to know how to relax. I find work to do. If I’m not cleaning my house or cooking, im helping a friend to their taxes, helping someone with their job application or something else.

How do you relax?? How do I spend time doing something relaxing and not get anxious about wasting time or having things to do. There are always things to do!!

I got an oura ring and it really helped me. It notices when I do manage to relax and tells me that I did a good job. Little by little, I am learning to get better at it.

I was like this OP. I ended up having some life events and having a nervous breakdown, had 4 months off work and it totally changed my perspective on life. Previously, if I had a spare hour, I'd fill it. Housework, visiting people volunteering etc. Now I diarise time to literally do nothing. I don't recommend doing it my way, it was shit.

I think you just have to start doing nothing. Like decide this morning, I'm not doing anything but sitting and reading or whatever and enforce it.

If you find the answer, I’d love to know. When there is nothing to do I start reorganising cupboards and finding more things to throw away. Don’t know how I have anything left!
maybe we should go to the gym and be too tired to do anything else!

I don't find sitting relaxing, I prefer to go for a walk and listen to an audiobook. I like to go to bed feeling physically tired as I know I will sleep.

Video games

I have to go outside.
At home I can’t relax as I always have work of some sort to do whether thats actually work, research, cooking, house, garden. If I go out I can’t just use laptop or finish up painting or start a new thing

Yeah me too - always busy, up and about, can’t sit down as keep thinking “I’ll just do such and such” simply can not watch a film for example. Totally got an inner monologue that goes through jobs listing them in my head - need to switch that off 🧐

I dream about relaxing, gets me through all day at work! Once I get in, do dinner and tidy up I love nothing more getting into my jammies, and lying on couch, reading, watching TV etc. I don't have any tips sorry because I've always been like this, I think it's important to de-stress mentally before bed.

Is it that you can’t relax or that you need to be active? Because they can be different things.

I’m coming from an adhd perspective here, and I find “relaxing activities” make me tense and restless. But on those rare days when I’m alone and can work on some diy or clean out the playroom, I get into a zone. My form of relaxation and recharge involves movement, focus and ideally a flow state.

A lovely walk, a hard work out, or an activity like skiing that takes concentration are all lovely. But just sitting, doing nothing (or too little) makes me tense and miserable and if I’m not busy my mind is. It doesn’t have to be hard or intense- pottering around the garden or the house is fine too.

This wouldn’t actually be a problem except that interruptions, disruption and moving from one thing to another wears me out. And it can actually be quite difficult sometimes to find a stretch of time to just be. Sometimes I find myself staying up late just for the guarantee of no interruptions for a bit, and obviously that’s not ideal.

Pre diagnosis I’d have said I couldn’t relax, but it’s just it looks different to (and annoys) everyone else.

It's not clear from your post if you actually want/need to relax. Some people thrive of always being busy, and that fine! The fact that you're posting suggests it's a problem though - do you feel like you're getting burned out from not ever taking a break?

You're not alone. There was a study where people were asked to sit in an empty room for 15 mins, with an electric shock machine on the table. Most of them chose to give themselves electric shocks rather than sitting and doing nothing.

If you really want to get over it healthily you should try mindfulness. I started by going to my local Kadampa Buddhist centre, there are lots around the country. You could also try Headspace.